http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ Daily Kitten Chat Forum User Favorites: preciouskitty en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 21:47:38 +0000 http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-697668 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 15:07:14 +0000 paulajeanne 697668@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Thanks Vicki for starting this, got a lot of chuckles! Merry Christmas! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-697598 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 09:18:53 +0000 SoxsMom 697598@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>These are pretty good! Thanks for the laughter! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-697591 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 08:46:22 +0000 JoanfromNewJersey 697591@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Yes, Comet really does clean sinks! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-697590 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 08:38:57 +0000 jeankit 697590@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Tee hee...used a few of these at the office holiday party yest...funnnnn! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-697563 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 06:44:03 +0000 Vicki 697563@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>bump </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695621 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 16:35:42 +0000 Nirmal 695621@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>it's really nice to read this time of year when we r stressed. i enjoy the holidays even though i see them in a different way, but i do admit there's sitll alot of stress and this helps deal with it :) </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695490 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 00:34:58 +0000 marry 695490@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Really its so funny.<br /> Thanks for sharing.:D </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695391 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 08:45:48 +0000 Nirmal 695391@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>this is too fun! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695383 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 04:15:19 +0000 Moonshadow_NZ 695383@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>You're welcome, I have a smile too. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695379 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 04:12:57 +0000 AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew 695379@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Thank you for all the laughs!!! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695376 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:45:10 +0000 Moonshadow_NZ 695376@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>To All Employees<br /> From Management<br /> Subject Office conduct during the Christmas season </p> <p> Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council). </p> <p> Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged. </p> <p> Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill) </p> <p> Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug." </p> <p> Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house. </p> <p> All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25. </p> <p> Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines. </p> <p> In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695375 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:43:01 +0000 Moonshadow_NZ 695375@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE </p> <p> You'll need the following: </p> <p> 1 cup of water<br /> 1 cup of sugar<br /> 4 large brown eggs<br /> 2 cups of dried fruit<br /> 1 teaspoon of salt<br /> 1 cup of brown sugar<br /> Lemon juice<br /> Nuts<br /> 1 bottle of whisky </p> <p> Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the<br /> highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter<br /> in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.<br /> Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried<br /> fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.<br /> Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?<br /> Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget<br /> to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.<br /> Hic! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695374 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:41:53 +0000 Moonshadow_NZ 695374@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>On the twelfth day of Christmas my human gave to me:<br /> Twelve bags of catnip!<br /> Eleven Greenies treats,<br /> Ten ornaments hanging,<br /> Nine wads of Kleenex,<br /> Eight peacock feathers,<br /> Seven stolen Q-tips,<br /> Six feathered balls,<br /> Five MILK JUG RINGS!<br /> Four munchy house plants,<br /> Three running faucets,<br /> Two fuzzy mousies,<br /> And a hamste-e-er in a plastic ball!! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695373 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:38:29 +0000 Moonshadow_NZ 695373@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Q: What do elves learn in school?</p> <p>A: The Elf-abet!</p> <p>Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?<br /> A: "I don't like sprouts" !</p> <p>Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?<br /> A: Missletoe! </p> <p>Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?<br /> A: Frostbite. </p> <p>Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?<br /> A: Because he had low elf esteem. </p> <p>Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?<br /> A: So he can ho-ho-ho. </p> <p>Q: Where do polar bears vote?<br /> A: The North Poll. </p> <p>Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?<br /> A: Ribbon hood. </p> <p>Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?<br /> A: Because it's to far to walk.</p> <p>Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?<br /> A: Forty feet of track - all straight! </p> <p>Q: What kind of bird can write?<br /> A: A PENguin.</p> <p>Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?<br /> A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.</p> <p>Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?<br /> A: Sandy Claus!</p> <p>Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?<br /> A: Fleece Navidad!</p> <p>Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?<br /> A: North Polish.</p> <p>Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?<br /> A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.</p> <p>Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?<br /> A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!</p> <p>Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?<br /> A: Crisp Cringle.</p> <p>Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?<br /> A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you. </p> <p>Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?<br /> A: Okay everyone, sack time!!</p> <p>Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?<br /> A: Snowflakes. </p> <p>Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?<br /> A: A subordinate claus.</p> <p>Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?<br /> A: He wanted to sleep like a log.</p> <p>Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?<br /> A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"</p> <p>Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?<br /> A: Santa caught in a revolving door! </p> <p>Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?<br /> A: Because it " soots " him!</p> <p>Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?<br /> A: Pour Santa flush on him. </p> <p>Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?<br /> A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!</p> <p>Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?<br /> A: Claustrophobic.</p> <p>Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?<br /> A: Because every buck is dear to him.</p> <p>Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?<br /> A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.</p> <p>Q: Olive?<br /> A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"</p> <p>Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?<br /> A: It was wound up already.</p> <p>Q: What's a good holiday tip?<br /> A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695372 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:36:48 +0000 Moonshadow_NZ 695372@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>How many ears has Captain Kirk got?<br /> Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear. </p> <p>What do lions sing at Christmas?<br /> Jungle bells! </p> <p>How do snowmen get around?<br /> On their icicles.</p> <p>When is a boat like a pile of snow?<br /> When it's adrift.</p> <p>What does Santa call reindeer that don't work?<br /> Dinner. </p> <p>What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney?<br /> Santaclaustrophobia </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695371 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:35:09 +0000 Moonshadow_NZ 695371@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.<br /> The salesgirl asked him:-<br /> 'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?' </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695360 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 01:53:44 +0000 Moonshadow_NZ 695360@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>LOL, love that joke GOCY. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695357 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 01:19:57 +0000 GhostOfColemanYoung 695357@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Here's one my nephew told a few years ago at a family gathering</p> <p>Q: Why wouldn't the actuary sell Santa life insurance?<br /> A: Dangerous lifestyle choices, including flying in non-FAA approved flight craft, increased risk of black lung disease from sliding down chimneys, and various increased health risks including heart disease and Type 2 diabetes.</p> <p>I love actuary jokes, and Christmas actuary jokes are no exception. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695252 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 21:46:34 +0000 Nirmal 695252@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>omg...glden. btw just shared ur jokes with my jewish buddy....he laughed so much. i asked my muslim friend if he knows any jokes...he'll get back to me. he always says the jokes he knows are related to those who non muslim around the holidays, so i gotta have him find jokes that don't step on any toes. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695248 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:53:29 +0000 paulajeanne 695248@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Well GCMY just shot my limited dreidel punnery to pieces with biased! No more gelt for me! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373/page/2#post-695207 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:06:31 +0000 jcat 695207@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I had to look up 'dreidel' but then I laughed like a drain! (And no, I don't know why drains laugh...) </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695203 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:57:37 +0000 GhostOfColemanYoung 695203@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Here's another one:</p> <p>Q: What did the statistician say to the dreidel that always landed on gimmel?<br /> A: "You're a very BIASED guy!"</p> <p>Later in life, his family was concerned as they realized he was becoming increasingly conversant with inanimate objects. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695198 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 12:26:17 +0000 preciouskitty 695198@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Thanks, Paulajeanne. Extra gelt for you!!! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695176 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:02:21 +0000 JoanfromNewJersey 695176@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p><a href="http://icanhascheezburger.com/2011/12/07/funny-pictures-cat-comic-christmas-spirits/" rel="nofollow">http://icanhascheezburger.com/2011/12/07/funny-pictures-cat-comic-christmas-spirits/</a> </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695169 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 10:39:43 +0000 paulajeanne 695169@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>lol precious kitty, I've heard "nun" better! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695168 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 10:38:28 +0000 sdmasters 695168@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>LOVE THIS THREAD! Unfortunately, I can't think of a good Christmas joke to contribute. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695160 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:40:18 +0000 preciouskitty 695160@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Yosip and Varuzhan were planning to play chess. Yosip was busy for a long time, gathering many chess sets and finally setting up the board. Varuzhan looked quizzically at Yosip when he saw how strangely the board had been set up. Yosip's response: What--you never heard of the 8 knights of Hanukkah? </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695159 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:31:44 +0000 preciouskitty 695159@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>LOL Ghost and Paulajeanne! Here's another alternative, Paulajeanne:</p> <p>What did the nice dreidel then say to the mean dreidel?<br /> "Hay"--that hurts! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695122 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 05:16:32 +0000 paulajeanne 695122@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>What did the nice dreidel say then to the mean dreidel?</p> <p>"that was no sham"! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/39373#post-695118 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 03:36:04 +0000 paulajeanne 695118@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Clever! I know! </p>