http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ Daily Kitten Chat Forum Topic: my mom told me today that I hate her - cheri en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:12:13 +0000 http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419382 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 10:29:05 +0000 Vicki 419382@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Cheri, I haven't spoken to my mother in eight years; I will not speak to her unless and until she changes her racist, sexist, greedy, unhealthy ways. She claims to want grandchildren, but she hates that I prefer the company of white men as romantic partners. She treated me (and to an extent my little brother, who is 22) as an extension of herself rather than as an individual who has half her DNA. I know that we are to honor our parents, but if they dishonor us, get the f**k out of the toxin in which they swim. Yes, your parents fed, clothed, and sheltered you for approximately twenty-odd years of your life, but they need help for things they might be going through and they need to learn to nurture. I don't know if you have any DNA brothers and sisters, but you have a TON of sisters and brothers here at TDK. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419335 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 09:01:41 +0000 feral 419335@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Cheri...deep down you know &#38; she knows that she doesn't mean that. She's slowly losing grasp of her baby daughter &#38; doesn't know how to accept it.<br /> There will come a day she will accept it &#38; you &#38; her will be able to talk again. {{{CHERI}}} </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419279 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 07:21:29 +0000 2bpurring 419279@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Cheri, I just ask that you keep one thing in mind! Although they might not express themselves they way most caring parents would....They have been there for you when you really needed them. Some people you need to wear earplugs around so the stuff coming out of their mouths doesn't cancel out what their hearts feeling. Your last hospital stay must have scared them to death and no matter what issues you and they have had in the past they were by your side. If they are getting on your nerves, then take some time away, distance yourself for a while, but please don't forget that although their words might not come out right, they have been there for you and do love you! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419198 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 03:42:56 +0000 Jetta and Boo Boo's Mom 419198@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Amen to all the support you are getting here, Cheri. Keep taking care of you for in the end that is all you have anyway. They won't live forever and then what will happen? You are a strong woman who deserves to live life without all that toxic "stuff" your parents are doling out. You can always tell them that 'well, if I'm as messed up as you think I am and you raised me, who do YOU think is to blame!" yes, I know, adding fuel to the fire, but I'm a get the last word in kind of gal... Best to you! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419193 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 02:39:55 +0000 sharbimillionaire 419193@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Sometimes, cheri, people 'divorce' their parents.</p> <p>Right or wrong, sometimes it's too much to keep trying to make things better, when they keep trying to poison. I mean, when are you supposed to start living your life, while they're still trying to figure out what their life means? Will they ever do that? Maybe not. How long do you wait?</p> <p>Cheri: I drank vodka tonight, so maybe I'm wrong (it's night time here in Australia).</p> <p>But you have a limited number of years on this planet. And if they've made the first half very hard, and they're not trying/ not likely to try to change themselves, well, I think you deserve to feel better and cut them loose.</p> <p>Maybe it will prompt them to look inside.</p> <p>It probably won't.</p> <p>But neither would retaining the status quo. Sometimes, you've gotta break the cycle, and strive for happiness.</p> <p>Good luck, honey. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419191 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 01:16:59 +0000 AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew 419191@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>{{{gentle hugs Cheri}}} Everyone has good advice above, I too go with the corresponding via snail mail. Gives one time to think before putting the envelope into the post office box, plus if you want to do nothing else but say, 'I am thinking of you' and mail it, that works. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419140 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:39:55 +0000 SylMiaFelixMomma 419140@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Cheri, good for you for sticking to taking care of you. I agree with the corresponding but only through snail mail. Email is too quick and definitely no to phone calls. Sending you some consoling hugs. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419129 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:25:36 +0000 lisaeylau 419129@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>You already know what to do, Cheri. I know it hurts. But when she calls, lay the phone down. Please! You must do this for yourself! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-419106 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 19:12:53 +0000 SoxsMom 419106@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>All I can say is I am sorry it has come to this. Live your life and perhaps time will heal your mother. Someday she will be sorry you are not in her life and will have to look at her actions--it will not be pretty for her. She is an adult and must deal with the consequences of her actions. You are also an adult and deserve a life that is happy and MUCH LESS stressful! I just wish you hadn't been hurt--and I know it does hurt. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418867 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:33:12 +0000 LadyKat of IA 418867@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Cheri, you are such a wise and wonderful person for having risen above your parents' form of abuse. Take care of yourself; you are important to us. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418844 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:31:20 +0000 KYKAT 12 23 418844@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Cheir, you are away from them and are smart to distance yourself. Right now what you need to concentrate on is you. Getting healthy, getting stronger, finding peace. You are doing the right thing. In the future, if you feel the need to connect with someone from an older generation, I encourage you to go to a nearby nursing home and volunteer. Who knows, you may find a friend who needs you and can be a "chosen parent" figure. You have lots of sisters, and mothers here as well. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418842 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:29:13 +0000 tinafishfrombirthplaceofElvis 418842@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>How about this Cheri, I hate your mother for you. You are a great person. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418837 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:21:45 +0000 AV 418837@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>(((Cheri))).... we're always here for you..... positive, accepting and loving....you are a very special person and we love you! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418827 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:01:11 +0000 Cats4Cats 418827@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>{{{Cheri}}}</p> <p>Ah, family. Can't live with them, can't, well, that's too unfluffy a thought for this forum! ;) </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418766 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:57:11 +0000 Leeny 418766@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Classic adversarial support.</p> <p>Just tell her you're sorry she feels that way and cut off contact. You don't need this garbage behavior in your life. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418691 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 09:18:16 +0000 Siobhan 418691@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Keep your distance, Cheri. Don't worry now about birthdays and holidays, things will take care of themselves, but you need to look out for YOU. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418688 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 09:13:42 +0000 beth 418688@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>hugs to (((cheri))) , we love you and i am glad to be apart of your TDK family. you just don't know how many times i have been happy to find this site. you are loved and cared for here. i don't want to be judgemental but your dad has no pride in himself to go to the bathroom in front of his daughter. he is no man , and certianly not a gentleman. i am sorry you have to go through this, you are a wonderful person. you have health problems and you rise above your family problems that takes a strong person. i am proud to call you a friend. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418677 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 08:52:56 +0000 Kaefie 418677@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>That's good, you know what to do and steps to handle it.. at least you know what's going on. Love and {{{hugs}}} to you sweetheart for bearing up x </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418674 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 08:50:01 +0000 CSBM 418674@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>i'm doing ok. i've heard this stuff from her before. the first time one hears it, one goes into shock. after that time, it's like "so what's new". i just wanted TDK people to know what is going on...</p> <p>my doctors know what is going on, they also agree i don't need them in my life at this time if this is the way my parents act... </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418673 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 08:48:22 +0000 ailuromaniac 418673@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Breathe Cheri, breathe.<br /> Mom is pushing a button that has worked in the past.<br /> I think email is still a little too close, She can respond instantly and try more buttons. Snail Mail is the way to go with this. Cards for Holidays and birthdays. Caller ID, her calls to go to voicemail. Emails received moved to a file for later reading and response Tell her they will cool for a snailmail period of time then you will consider answering via US mail.</p> <p>If they whine that you are killing them, remember they have it backwards. </p> <p>If you get a real emergency call, you can respond sooner. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418672 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 08:48:18 +0000 Karenopa 418672@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>((((Cheri)))) We can choose our friends but not our family. You're not alone in this country of much fragmented, displaced family ties. Just know that your friends love you by choice!! =) </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418670 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 08:47:16 +0000 AnimalLuvr82 418670@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Cheri, I know exactly what you are going through. I had, what I felt, was a toxic family, and saw symptoms in myself that manifested in certain way that were more detrimental to me. Other things as well. I had to cut them off, like a toxic limb on a plant. </p> <p>I have been following your family struggles and just want to offer my ear of support. I completely empathize with you. (((((Cheri)))) Please do what you need to do to stay sane &#38; healthy, it sounds like it's better away from them, which is the same in my situation. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418668 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 08:45:39 +0000 Kaefie 418668@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Cheri, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a really hard time right now. I understand, believe me. </p> <p>You're right, space is the best thing, especially when you can't choose who you love and people so close hurt you. I was going to suggest email contact before I read that you plan to, it really worked for me when I had a situation recently. Thinking before writing comes easier than thinking before speaking.</p> <p>Have you got close friends around you that you could go to for a cup of something and a chat? There is always this place of course, but you know what I mean x </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/19257#post-418666 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 08:39:08 +0000 CSBM 418666@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>my mom called me this morning to inform me that she can't stand to hear my voice on the phone anymore, that it stresses her out. she also said that i hate her. yes, 11 months ago she saved my life, but she completely took over, illegally overextended her power of authority, plundered my checking acount of $5000, screamed constantly at me that i would do as she bid me to, it was "her way or the highway", in December said she didn't want to know i existed after i moved out of her home. she treated me like a prison felon, and herself the parole officer when she demanded in February that I call her 7 days a week. she and my father took the Lord's name in vain at least 20 times per day while I was with them for 3 1/2 months. my father was so adamant that his life would not change when i lived with them that he wouldn't even close the bathroom door when he needed to s**t. they had no respect for my feelings, and took the attitude that they were 100 persent correct in how they treated me, and that i had no right to complain about anything becuase they were "fixing" me and my life. i had interrupted their lives and put their actvities they wanted to do on hold because of me. i am and have always been the scapegoat in the family...</p> <p>they are very unhappy people and toxic to me. i will always love them, but at this point i am glad to have space between us.</p> <p>what apparently set her off this morning was the revocation of the power of attorney i sent as well as the email i sent the other day that i published here on TDK.</p> <p>i will keep in contact with them, but only by email at this point... </p>