http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ Daily Kitten Chat Forum Topic: My dad is dying - Lainey en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:58:23 +0000 http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/3#post-460379 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 16:45:44 +0000 Buttercup 460379@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Lainey,hospice made it possible for my Dad to die at home with his family around. We did not think he'd need hospice at first because he wasn't ready to go either. But when hospice came in that first day and told dad he could take a day off to sleep in bed he was so happy. He had been pushing himself so hard as had we. It was his time too and Mom and I took care of him in our home,when he could eat we gave him his favorite meals,one or both of us was always there. I'm not saying it's easy,it's not. For me it was one of the hardest but one of the most fulfilling things I have done. Hospice was there when we needed them and they helped us out. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/3#post-460367 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 16:03:29 +0000 SoxsMom 460367@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Lainey, I understand his desire to go home. If he is near the end of his life and can not care for himself, hospice will help him return home and die as he wishes. This is very difficult on family members--the lose of a Father is devistating. Please know you and your family are in my prayers. May you all be able to reconsile your desires so that everyone can live in peace with decisions made. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460366 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 15:58:58 +0000 SammyandOliversmama 460366@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Hospice is a wonderful thing. I have seen it in action on 3 separate occassions and they eare indeed angels here on earth. {{Lainey}} </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460335 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 13:53:00 +0000 KarenCentennial 460335@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>{{{LAINEY}}}}<br /> My family is going through a home-hospice situation with my Aunt Dot right now, and last Saturday (when my Mom let me know) she wasn't expected to last the weekend. Hospice has come in and Aunt Dot is eating now - she wasn't last weekend, and it seems like she will be with us a little longer and I give ALL the credit to hospice. Aunt Dot is in her home, has one of her sisters staying with her now and has hospice workers coming in, instead of just her daughter and granddaughter. Hospice has made a difference in such a short time and that they have done so is such a blessing. Hospice doesn't mean that your loved will die any quicker but that they will get the best possible care available for the rest of their time, and that time is quality time for the family.<br /> God Bless you and your father, and hold you close in this time. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460309 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 12:21:31 +0000 Vicki 460309@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Oops: double post. Sorry. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460307 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 12:20:57 +0000 Vicki 460307@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Lainey, I'm crying right now -- and it's YOUR father that's dying! I read a link about hospice care that WWM posted. I just broke out into tears because when I was a teen I saw my grandfather die little by little; it took him two years from the time of his stroke (when I was 15) to the time of his death (when I was 17), and at the time of the stroke he turned from what I thought was a giant of a man to a man-baby (I know it sounds disrespectful, but that's how my grandmother had to care for him for the last two years of his life). I saw him the day before he died; he had to go back to the hospital for some reason, and he had all these tubes sticking out of him. As much as I wanted to ask the doctors, "Why can't you just fix him?! He was fine two years ago!", I didn't have the guts to do so, plus I was only 17 and had no concept of how a stroke takes a person's functional ability away. That, plus my having seen a documentary on TV on a much younger man having had either a stroke or some other sort of brain injury but being rehabilitated after surgery, gave me a screwed-up expectation of what medical science was at the time (1988). The next day, I was at my grandparents' house when my grandmother got the phone call no wife ever wants to hear; that my grandfather had died. It was September 11, 1988 (yes, thirteen years to the day before the tragedy at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the field just outside Pittsburgh); he was 84. I had kept my grief inside for close to twenty years, until February of last year, when my oldest stepson died suddenly at the age of 26. Then I cried for both of them. I had no idea I had not emotionally grown for twenty years, as emotional development and expression was not encouraged in my family (OK, MY emotional development and expression). My grandmother passed away thirteen years later, just over a month after 9/11, at age 96 (she would have been 97 that November and 105 this November), but I didn't find out about her passing until I looked up some information on Ancestry.com so I could put together my family tree for my own personal reference. My mother kicked me out of the family a few months before my grandmother died, and I have not spoken to her since. I am not ready to speak to her, and I hope God will forgive her for throwing me out of my home and trying to kill my boyfriend at the time; I am not ready to, and I will never forgive her for running him away, for he was the best man I ever had in my life. See, Lainey, I'm 38 years old but sometimes I feel much older because my mother poisoned everything she touched, especially me. If you have toxic members in your family, do yourself a huge favor and chill at the Roller Rink for a spell. Once your dad crosses over he will be feeding baby pets at the Bridge until God assigns him to comfort the spirit of a child, and that child could be you (as you remember the good times you had with him and some possible not-so-good [but lesson-teaching] times). Your nontoxic family needs you, too, just as you need them; tell them about the Roller Rink and let them send their pets through the wormhole (I don't discriminate against species; if you can put a snake on a roller skate and wheel him/her around, you're a better one than me). </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460304 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 12:17:56 +0000 Vicki 460304@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Lainey, I'm crying right now -- and it's YOUR father that's dying! I read a link about hospice care that WWM posted. I just broke out into tears because when I was a teen I saw my grandfather die little by little; it took him two years from the time of his stroke (when I was 15) to the time of his death (when I was 17), and at the time of the stroke he turned from what I thought was a giant of a man to a man-baby (I know it sounds disrespectful, but that's how my grandmother had to care for him for the last two years of his life). I saw him the day before he died; he had to go back to the hospital for some reason, and he had all these tubes sticking out of him. As much as I wanted to ask the doctors, "Why can't you just fix him?! He was fine two years ago!", I didn't have the guts to do so, plus I was only 17 and had no concept of how a stroke takes a person's functional ability away. That, plus my having seen a documentary on TV on a much younger man having had either a stroke or some other sort of brain injury but being rehabilitated after surgery, gave me a screwed-up expectation of what medical science was at the time (1988). The next day, I was at my grandparents' house when my grandmother got the phone call no wife ever wants to hear; that my grandfather had died. It was September 11, 1988 (yes, thirteen years to the day before the tragedy at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the field just outside Pittsburgh); he was 84. I had kept my grief inside for close to twenty years, until February of last year, when my oldest stepson died suddenly at the age of 26. Then I cried for both of them. I had no idea I had not emotionally grown for twenty years, as emotional development and expression was not encouraged in my family (OK, MY emotional development and expression). My grandmother passed away thirteen years later, just over a month after 9/11, at age 96 (she would have been 97 that November and 105 this November), but I didn't find out about her passing until I looked up some information on Ancestry.com so I could put together my family tree for my own personal reference. My mother kicked me out of the family a few months before my grandmother died, and I have not spoken to her since. I am not ready to speak to her, and I hope God will forgive her for throwing me out of my home and trying to kill my boyfriend at the time; I am not ready to, and I will never forgive her for running him away, for he was the best man I ever had in my life. See, Lainey, I'm 38 years old but sometimes I feel much older because my mother poisoned everything she touched, especially me. If you have toxic members in your family, do yourself a huge favor and chill at the Roller Rink for a spell. Once your dad crosses over he will be feeding baby pets at the Bridge until God assigns him to comfort the spirit of a child, and that child could be you (as you remember the good times you had with him and some possible not-so-good [but lesson-teaching] times). Your nontoxic family needs you, too, just as you need them; tell them about the Roller Rink and let them send their pets through the wormhole (I don't discriminate against species; if you can put a snake on a roller skate and wheel him/her around, you're a better one than me). </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460285 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 11:21:12 +0000 mollycat71 460285@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Aww, Lainey! I wish I were closer and I would be there to support you! Know how hard it is for family's to go thru this, I see it everyday. Since my office is at the end of the hall, seems like family's always end up in there and just talk. I wish I could talk to you and let you express your feelings. I would offer unbiased support. You know we are all here for you,no matter what! Hang in there dear friend, you know I am always here for you! =^.^= </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460281 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 11:09:34 +0000 Jetta and Boo Boo's Mom 460281@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I only had a moment to glance through the comments... thanks for the prayers, keep them up, please. I know how wonderful hospice is. I got crucified by the family when I called hospice last year for my mom (you are giving up on her is all I heard). They just didn't understand. My dad is aware of what hospice can do and we talked about it over the summer. I am his POA but I cannot do anything against his wishes while he is competent/conscious, etc. </p> <p>I'm heading back up to the hospital now. He has fluid build up around his heart and in his lungs and his heart is "worse." My sister didn't want to ask questions of the doctor. Everyone but me has their head in the sand. I wish I could do that too, but I cannot.</p> <p>I hope soon I can give a happy update and I do look forward to spending more time with this wonderful group of friends I call my family of choice.</p> <p>Love,<br /> Lainey </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460099 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:04:31 +0000 mollycat71 460099@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I absolutely love Hospice. I work with them on a daily basis and they are really special people. They are the most empathetic, kind, caring souls. They "understand" when people are facing death, be it in a week or six months. There is a special place in Heaven for people like them. Do consider it Lainey, if not for your dad for the family. I think he will warm to the idea when he meets them. Hugs still coming to you! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460087 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:42:28 +0000 Pollys_Mum_in_UK_2605 460087@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Hospices are wonderful places, I cannot speak highly enough of them. They are not places for those who have given up but positive places for people who are seriously ill. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460069 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:12:06 +0000 MadcatwomanintheUK 460069@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I think that's an excellent analagy Vicki :o) </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460068 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:09:54 +0000 WillowandWindismom 460068@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>That's a good way to think of it, Vicki. As much as we hate to face death, it is a part of life. Not everyone wants to be at home, but I know that in that case I would want to be home and not in some cold and impersonal hospital. There are many hospitals now that have hospice units and they are for those patients who want hospice but for whatever reason, can't be at home. Those units are staffed with hospice staff and are made as "homey" as possible and as little like a hospital as possible. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460062 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:07:03 +0000 Vicki 460062@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>So the concept of hospice is more like a birthing center (in which a woman brings forth new life in a homelike surrounding but still has a medical team to care for her and her child's/children's medical needs), but instead of it dealing with the beginning of life, the person is wrapping up his/her life in a homelike setting? </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460056 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:02:18 +0000 MadcatwomanintheUK 460056@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>One of my biggest regrets was not getting my Dad into a hospice to receive that extra special personal care in his last few days...we thought we had a loittle longer with him and therefore the time to sort it out, but sadly we didn't and he passed in a pretty grotty underfunded, overstretched bog standard hospital ward. Hospices are wonderful places, run by amazing people. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460054 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 14:59:17 +0000 WillowandWindismom 460054@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>No problem, Vicki. I just wish that more people understood hospice because it is such an incredible concept and I have to honestly say that the people who work in hospice love their patients probably more than any other health care workers. Of course, I'm very prejudiced because I ran a hospice and was a hospice nurse. After all of these years of having hospice in the U.S. (it began in England), there is still so much misinformation and misunderstanding about what hospice is and what they do. And I sometimes have to chalk that up to the medical profession as doctors are not always well taught in end of life care.</p> <p>No, in hospice the patient has not given up but you might say they are realistic and have made a choice to have more quality than quantity at the end of their lives. I have had hospice patients who still are going to work, caring for their families, and leading their lives to the fullest. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460052 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 14:55:51 +0000 Vicki 460052@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>WWM, please forgive me if my previous comment sounded harsh; I didn't mean it the way it sounded. From what I understand based on the link you posted, it seems that the patient in hospice has given up and is waiting to die. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460039 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 14:40:39 +0000 WillowandWindismom 460039@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>No, Vicki. Hospitals nor doctors do not decide who will live and who will not. That is done by a much higher power. What you must understand is that not everyone can recover from an illness or disease. Some diseases are terminal and no matter how much we might want to "fix" it, there is nothing that will change the course of the disease. Why would you want to subject someone who has a terminal illness, with no hope of recovery, to treatments at the end of their lives that might (probably) make their last months, weeks or days pure misery? </p> <p>Perhaps you would like to read a bit about hospice to help you to understand.</p> <p><a href="http://www.hospicenet.org/html/concept.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.hospicenet.org/html/concept.html</a> </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460026 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 14:07:56 +0000 MadcatwomanintheUK 460026@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>{{{HUGS}}} </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460020 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:49:58 +0000 Arcalian 460020@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>*prayers and hugs* </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460018 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:44:04 +0000 Vicki 460018@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I don't understand the whole hospice concept, or, for that matter, the difference between active treatment and comfort care: why can't everything be done to make sure every patient is actively treated to get better? It sounds to me as if hospitals are deciding who is fit to live and who is better off gone. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460009 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 12:55:14 +0000 owlwatcher_974 460009@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>sending lots of hugs and prayers to you and your family </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460005 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 12:28:10 +0000 WillowandWindismom 460005@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Lainey, when I was a hospice nurse we would often times encounter a patient who would say that they weren't "ready" for hospice. So many people think that hospice is only for those last weeks or days and nothing could be further from the truth. If I could make a suggestion, let the hospice nurse come out and explain hospice care and what they have to offer in assisting with your father's care. Most hospices will take patients who are still receiving treatment, as that "requirement" of no curative treatment was dropped by Medicare several years ago. One thing that the hospice nurse could help with for certain is helping to regulate your father's morphine. I hope that your family will consider hospice. For one thing, they can offer a lot of help for the caregivers at home, like a nurses aide to help with personal care.</p> <p>Many hugs and prayers. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-460002 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 11:23:43 +0000 CheetahBoysmommy 460002@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Hospice is a wonderful source. It does as much for the family as for the patient. Just knowing that the hospice people are a phone call away gives everyone a bit more confidence. </p> <p>However, most hospice programs won't take someone who is still undergoing active medical treatment. It's designed for the patient who is on comfort care and is just biding his/her time on earth before moving on. Your dad may not qualify, but if he doesn't, he might qualify for home health visits. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-459995 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 11:06:30 +0000 SoxsMom 459995@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Lainey Hospice isn't just for the family member that is near death. It is for all the member--they are amazing. It actually sounds like he isn't actively dying for a doctor to say that he is physically and mentally strong. Prayers of strength and peace. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-459754 Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:16:55 +0000 paulajeanne 459754@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Yes, you need to get some rest too. Glad your dad is able to come home where he wants to be at this time. Hugs to you all! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-459748 Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:06:38 +0000 Jetta and Boo Boo's Mom 459748@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>UPDATE: We spoke with my dad's regular doctor today (he hasn't seen him since he broke his hip in June). He will come to the home and see and take care of dad. Dad will be home Monday or Tuesday. Dr. G (his reg doc) says what we know, my dad is strong, physically and mentally and he said he isn't giving up on him! The hospital doctor said he would recommend hospice, discontinue meds except morphine, and let nature take it's course. Dad does not want hospice, yet. He is open to it "when it becomes necessary." So.... yes, his body is giving out, no organ failure but his systems are slowly failing. So... it's a wait and see. I KNOW your prayers are helping him and me, please keep praying. Maybe I'll ask for another "cat people" thread for him, to read to him when he gets home. </p> <p>THANK YOU for your notes and emails of support and your prayers. I have errands to run right now but I am going to try and spend some time here later and catch up (or sometime over the weekend, but it's jam-packed right now) and yeah, gotta sleep, too!</p> <p>I miss and love this family of mine!</p> <p>Hugs to all!</p> <p>Lainey </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-459286 Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:59:28 +0000 Nirmal 459286@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>m sending my prayers n white light ur way too! </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-459249 Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:50:31 +0000 SylMiaFelixMomma 459249@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Hugs and prayers for you Lainey. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/22031/page/2#post-459213 Thu, 15 Oct 2009 11:45:17 +0000 Sheba's Mom in Raleigh, NC 459213@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Prayers on the way. </p>