http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ Daily Kitten Chat Forum Topic: Mr. Leeny cancels again en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:48:54 +0000 http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/3#post-229471 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:44:56 +0000 Leeny 229471@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>KYKAT, I'll talk to the lawyer about that. When I've checked into resources on my own, I've gotten the response that Mr. Leeny's IQ and my income make him ineligible for any services.</p> <p>To all TDKers, thank you so much for your suggestions and words of encouragement. As I've said before, they are a lifeline. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/3#post-229451 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:09:52 +0000 2bpurring 229451@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>KYKAT that is a good idea, and KK very wonderful words...Leeny know that you remain in my prayers, you are a strong woman, don't doubt yourself. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/3#post-229448 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:05:38 +0000 feral 229448@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>{{{HUGS}}} </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229447 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:05:22 +0000 KYKAT 12 23 229447@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Leeny, have you thought of calling the Department of Human Resources to get a social worker assigned to Mr. Leeny. That way you would have an unbiased outside source documenting his refusal of healthcare and his basically self destructive behavior. A social worker might also be a good resource of other ways to protect yourself when the inevitable happens. Big hugs. ((((Leeny))) </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229439 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:53:16 +0000 Leeny 229439@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>KK, I have finally learned, after 51 years, that you cannot save people from themselves. I just wish I had learned it sooner.</p> <p>The pathetic thing is, I knew exactly how Mr. Leeny was before I married him. I thought my marrying him would make a difference. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229432 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:45:51 +0000 krazikat 229432@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>{{{HUGS}}} I and many other close friends and relatives have had experiences similar to yours Leeny. I don't mean this judgmentally but it seems sick people are able to pose as independant energetic people until they get what they need to survive provided to them, by a healthy person. Then the "suction" begins. The most valuable lesson I learned was that a healthy person can't raise a sick person up. The sick person will always draw the healthy person down. It sounds like you work in a mental health field of some type and you already know this, but sometimes it is helpful to see it written out before you. You must take steps to protect yourself, the only time I've ever had police in my life was when I was in a relationship similar to yours. Same with other friends of mine. They have a way of dumping legal entanglement on those closest to them as well as wrecking reputations with the police department. I know you are feeling cornered and full of despair today. Don't get guilt-tripped when you get home (for leaving that voicemail) or fall for any sudden agreements to see the doctor. Keep calling that lawyer, go through with that appointment and figure out a payment plan if you need to. You have all the TDK {{{HUGS}}} </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229395 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:09:54 +0000 Leeny 229395@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Mr. Leeny just called me and told me to remember, when I talk to the lawyer, to mention that he has to sign his revised will.</p> <p>His reaction to my arrest was shock. As I mentioned, he was used to doing this with my mother, and all that ever happened was that an officer came, talked to them for a while, and left. He never expected his actions to have a negative consequence--par for his course, actually. My now-retired former lawyer took care of this by asking one of her colleagues to represent me, with special finacial terms as a professional courtesy to her, then styling herself as Mr. Leeny's representative and telling the prosecutor that her client would not testify against his wife. With that, there was no case, and the whole thing was dismissed. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229386 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:54:09 +0000 anncetera2 229386@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>And as a related question... how did he respond when you were arrested? </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229385 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:53:24 +0000 anncetera2 229385@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Leeny, I apologize if this is too personal to politely be asking... but what do you think Mr. Leeny's response will be, to your voicemail message? Will he choose to escalate the drama he's creating about doctor's tests, or will it be seen as a wake-up call as to how his behavior might harm you?</p> <p>I'm just curious (especially since it appears he learned drama from his mother, rather than productive coping skills). </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229301 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:43:55 +0000 Leeny 229301@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I just left a message for Mr. Leeny on our voice mail telling him exactly why I'm consulting a lawyer. I told him that, since his and my mother's games of uproar put me on the radar, I want to protect myself from someday having a bomb dropped on me.</p> <p>I can't concentrate on anything today. I'm supposed to be editing a paper, 23 pages double spaced, about this intervention program that our department invented to keep teenagers from taking drugs and sleeping around. It's a good program, and it works, but today I am SICK of hearing about it and thinking about it. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229297 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:28:44 +0000 2bpurring 229297@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>{{{Leeny}}} </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229293 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:16:18 +0000 Leeny 229293@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Haven't heard back from the lawyer yet. If I don't get an e-mail back by tomorrow, I'll call the phone number on Tuesday (we're having a 4-day weekend here). </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229282 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:04:59 +0000 anncetera2 229282@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Leeny, I'm relieved to know that you're trying to contact your previous lawyer, to try to get advice or referral. I think it's not a matter of "if" Mr. Leeny suffers serious health problems due to refusal to follow several doctor's recommendations... it's "when."</p> <p>You probably would benefit from spending some time thinking about what you want out of this relationship - and what you're likely to get out of this relationship.</p> <p>I can't offer advice to anyone else on relationships. But I can say that on the rare occasions when I've found myself in relationships that became clearly bad for me, I eventually terminated the relationships - to protect my own sanity and well-being. Doing so has never made me happy or joyous; it has always been done with a deep sense of regret. But taking such measures has almost always allowed me to become a lot less stressed and unhappy.</p> <p>I wish you the best of luck. Please be sure to keep us informed of how you're doing. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229106 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:24:30 +0000 jcat 229106@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Dear Leeny, {{{{{hugs}}}}}. This seems like a terrible situation. Others seem to me to be offering very sensible advice. In terms of protecting yourself, I would think that your postings on TDK alone would show how worried you are that Mr Leeny keeps refusing to take his doctor's advice. We all know how hard you have been trying, and I'm sure his doctor does too. Sending you hugs and positive vibes and please take care. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-229105 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:12:55 +0000 Kitten Whisperer 229105@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I am so sorry Mr. Leeny is being so obstinate and contrary when it comes to his health. You are wise to consult an attorney to see what your options are. I don't know if it is possible to shield yourself from his expenses if you stay married to him or what the chances are that you would be required to contribute to his support. He may still be eligible for some sort of Social Security if you end the marriage. A lawyer can give you the information you need to chart your course from here.</p> <p>I know you have done your very best to live up to the commitment you made to Mr. Leeny. Your marriage has been founded on your generosity and kindness to a fellow human being whose ability to become a functional adult was undermined by his family of origin. You cannot be expected to compromise your health trying to take care of him when he refuses to do what he is able to do to take care of himself. This has to be taking a serious toll on your health. </p> <p>I wish there was an easy answer. I wish you all the best and support whatever steps you need to take to preserve your physical and mental health. {{{hugs}}} </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228872 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:05:33 +0000 Karenopa 228872@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Leeny I sure wish you could get a break from all this...I'm sure you could use a break to say the least. I'm disappointed that Mr. Leeny has failed again. Your situation is difficult to impossible and I for one will be glad when you can get the advice of an attorney. It's time to protect yourself dear..you've done everything humanly possible to protect and aid Mr. Leeny all for naught. Leaving his own well being in his hands will require some method of protecting yourself from any future responsibility. As always...I'm sending Prayers and Positive Energy to sustain you through these difficult transitions. I'm very proud of your discipline and your stamina is quite impressive. Stay well Leeny. {{{Hugs}}} </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228862 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:53:31 +0000 2 Popoki 228862@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>(((LEENY)))) that's about all I can offer. I have no words..... </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228811 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 13:37:26 +0000 SylMiaFelixMomma 228811@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Good luck with the attorney, Leeny. Sounds like you have received some good suggestions here. I think it best to talk with an attorney to see what your options are. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228789 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:55:57 +0000 Leeny 228789@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>He has no income of his own, CW. Before I married him, he lived on Social Security survivor's benefits from his deceased father. This money was supplemented by his mother, who is also now deceased. When I talk about his paying for things himself, I mean paying for them out of the discretionary money I give him each month out of my paycheck.</p> <p>I just sent my retired former lawyer an e-mail asking if someone has taken over her clients or if she can refer me to someone. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228783 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:50:37 +0000 Catwoman 228783@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Spousal support?? Yes, you need to talk to a lawyer. He has income of his own, right? What did he live on before you came along? </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228778 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:48:07 +0000 Buttercup 228778@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Oh my Leeny,I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through,you have my prayers. [[[Leeny]]] </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228776 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:47:49 +0000 Leeny 228776@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Well, guess what? I just called my lawyer's office and found out that she has retired. There's a phone number and e-mail address that the secretary left on the answering machine's outgoing message. I'll have to see what she'd have me do. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228772 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:40:45 +0000 Leeny 228772@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I have thought about it, CW, but I can't afford to pay the guy spousal support for the rest of his life. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228763 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:38:00 +0000 Leeny 228763@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>You know how much I'm in the records, AM? I was arrested for domestic violence after an argument during which Mr. Leeny was screaming at me and harrassing me even after I warned him to stop. I removed him from the room by his shirt and his hair. He'd been accustomed to calling 911 to calm my mother down during their uproar sessions, so he called them again, expecting nothing more than another talk. Instead, they arrested me because I had placed my hands on him. Now, the reason that happened is because they have around here a law that says when a domestic violence allegation is made, they have to arrest somebody. This came about after a 6-year-old boy was beaten to death by his mentally impaired non-custodial mother and her boyfriend, who was not the child's father, for stealing five dollars out of a classmate's desk. This happened practically in the presence of a city police officer, who had been called when neighbors heard the child screaming. The officer didn't go any further than the porch. He never checked on the child's condition. He told the adults that they could discipline the child but not abuse him, then left. (The sickening irony about this is that, at the very same time, a big-deal ceremony was going on at police headquarters to unveil bumper stickers that all patrol cars would carry, saying "There's no excuse for domestic violence.") With my lawyer's intervention, the charges were dropped for lack of evidence and because the interests of justice would not have been served by continuing to prosecute the case.</p> <p>I'm calling her office NOW. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228761 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:36:55 +0000 Catwoman 228761@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>On another note, Leeny....what is in this relationship that benefits YOU? I know you want to do the right thing, but life is so short. To spend your life caring for someone who will not even take care of his most basic needs (not to mention *your* needs) and with the threat of it all coming down on you later as others have mentioned...well, think about it. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228749 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:26:06 +0000 ailuromaniac 228749@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>I know he is the intractable one in this situation but when he becomes unable to make a choice you could be held accountable for his past actions if there are no immediate witnesses. Some officious person wanting to make a reputation for public service could target you. You have already indicated that trouble could be looming on the horizon as you are already in the records. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228745 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:17:51 +0000 Leeny 228745@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>The problem here, AM, is Mr. Leeny refusing the treatment. When he accidentally ODed on Lomotil the night after I got double-scoped, I had to tell him, in front of the EMTs, to put on his shoes, put on a coat, and go with them. After he got to the hospital, someone called me to verify his medications and medical conditions, then told me they would be admitting him for observation. Not long after that, Mr. Leeny called, sounding angry, to tell me they wanted to admit him and to ask what he should do. I told him to do whatever they told him to do.</p> <p>I think that, after I get paid, I will make an appointment with my lawyer to ask her about this. She's familiar with all the details of the situation. Maybe that might also convince Mr. Leeny of the seriousness of this issue, although that's not going to be my reason for seeing her. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228744 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:11:46 +0000 ailuromaniac 228744@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Leeny,</p> <p>SEE A LAWYER. I know you honor your marriage and want Mr Leeny to have a measure of independence but you may have to terminate your relationship to protect yourself.</p> <p>The situation was vastly different when my uncle had his fatal heart attack but the EMT's had to call the police because my aunt was hysterical and refusing them to treat my uncle. The policeman had to threaten my Aunt with arrest and the fact that if (actually when it was obvious the attack was massive and he would not survive) he died she would be charged with homicide for preventing the medical team from treating him, to get her to let them take him to the hospital.</p> <p>You do not want to find yourself in a similar situation. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228740 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:06:36 +0000 MadcatwomanintheUK 228740@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Oh Leeny. I think I would have strangled Mr Leeny by now, you must have the patience of a Saint. I can't really add much advice, but I can offer more {{hugs}} and will keep you in my thoughts. </p> http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/topic/8998/page/2#post-228732 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:58:59 +0000 HuddysMama 228732@http://www.dailykitten.com/chat/ <p>Oh Leeny, I'm so sorry. I just now saw this. You've got to be going crazy with this. ((Leeny)). Please keep your chin up, I'll send you positive thoughts. ((more hugs)) </p>