Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs

1. 

   Please help, TDKrs. My 16-year old Sam is beginning to show his age. Arthritis in the hips, kidney problems. And now he has been diagnosed with small-cell lymphoma which has metastisized to his liver and kidneys. I know he's had a good long run for being FIV-positive since I found him when he was about two years old, but there never seems to be enough time left. How do you decide when? Supportive care OK, but I don't want him to submit to what we would call "heroic measures" for a human (i.e., kept alive by chemistry). This is my first experience having to make this decision and I'd appreciate your input.

   Thanks.

   Posted 3 years ago by GizzysAuntie #

2. 

   I'm sorry GizzysAuntie, this is a horrible thing to try and decide for any animal lover. You've come to the rught place for help and support anyway - welcome, but I'm sad it's in these circumstances.

   Your first port of call is your vet - they will offer advice on available medications and any side effects, and help you judge whether any further treatment is in Sam's best interests. But at the end of the day, you know Sam best, and will recognise when his quality of life is declining.

   My heart goes out to you, I lost my beloved Titch three years ago, he was 15.5 and I'd had him since he was 8 months old. Only another cat lover can truly understand the bond that builds up over time. I too had to make "that decision", and with my vet was able to judge the fine line between prolonging his life to no real end, and letting him go with love.

   Please keep posting here, we have all gone through this at one time or another and will be happy to support you in any way we can.

   {{hugs}}

   Posted 3 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #

3. 

   Oh, goodness, Gizzysauntie - I am so sorry about Sam. My husband and I had to face this last year with our precious 18 year old Bombalurina. She had cancer of the throat and it spread to the soft palate of her mouth. I know that we should have made the decision sooner than we did but I selfishly wanted to keep her with me. In the end, the tumor in her mouth ruptured and I know that it must have hurt her.

   I guess that I could only tell you to watch Sam closely. When you see that eating and drinking is hard for him, it's time. You'll be able to tell if he is in pain.

   I was a hospice nurse and will only tell you that we often times are kinder to our fur babies. Don't do any extraordinary measures to keep Sam with you. It's not fair to him. When he no longer has any quality of life, it's time to let him go.

   In the meantime, hug him and talk to him all that you can. I'm so sorry.

   Posted 3 years ago by WillowandWindismom #

4. 

   Hi GizzysAuntie and welcome. I'm sorry about your precious Sam. I understand your predicament. Almost a year ago, I had to help my Sebastian over the bridge after 18 years. He had kidney failure and I know he was suffering, I could just tell. I thought about all the things I could have done to keep him alive, but in the end I decided that I'd not erase 18 years of a good life for a few months or years of being - as you so wonderfully put it - kept alive by chemistry. I hated having to do it - and even now I still cry over him and probably always will. But in my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do - I just knew it was time. I think you'll know too. ((hugs))

   Posted 3 years ago by HuddysMama #

5. 

   Hi GizzysAuntie, I can only express what others have written so beautifully. You will know. I had to help my Sebastian 3 years ago and I still miss her. She was only 13 but had kidney failure. I could see she was suffering and it was not fair to my precious baby. This is one of the hardest decisions to make. ((HUGS))

   Posted 3 years ago by cricketsmama #

6. 

   Hugs to you, and to Sam. I've been through "the decision" a few times and it is never easy. Like the others have said, you know Sam well enough by now to know when he has lost his spark for living. For me it was always something in the eyes - they just lost the sparkle and it was obvious to me that life had become a burden rather than a pleasure. I applaud you for keeping a FIV positive cat healthy for all these years. You have many years of happy memories to look back on.

   Posted 3 years ago by NNGM #

7. 

   GA, it is time when your furbaby is in pain, from the conditions, from the treatments used to control them, or from both. It is time when the treatments are prolonging the dying process rather than prolonging life.

   I'm so sorry about Sam's situation. Please accept our comfort and support.

   Posted 3 years ago by Leeny #

8. 

   GA this will be one of the most difficult decisions you will ever be faced with. My heart goes out to you. I have some very compelling information about making this difficult choice on my website. Unfortunately it is often a situation we animal lovers face and hopefully it will help guide you to making a decision for Sam.

   http://www.tributememorial.net/TributeMemorial/DealingwithGrief.html

   Posted 3 years ago by petpntr #

9. 

   GA, I am so sorry that you find yourself in this sad predicament and unfortunately it's one that most of us have or will someday share..I can only offer as the others above, that being Sam's mom, you know him best...and somehow in your heart you'll know when it's time. Comforting thoughts your way.

   Posted 3 years ago by sullis #

10. 

    As almost all of us here have gone through this at one time or another, we know the pain you are going through to make the decision. Everyone is right. You will know when it's time. Be comforted that Sam, too, knows when it is time. He will be thankful that you loved him so much that you gave him a wonderful life and a very caring passing when the decision is made.

    Posted 3 years ago by LadyKat of IA #

11. 

    Like the others have said, GA, you'll know when it's time. Six years ago I did the absolute hardest thing I'd ever had to do and helped my baby, Spanky, over the bridge. Before then, when I knew his time was limited, I talked with him and let him know that I wouldn't be selfish in keeping him around because he deserved so much better than that (as difficult as it was). I also told him that it would be helpful if he'd give me some kind of sign to let me know when he was ready. The night that I found him lying down in the bathroom facing the corner (which he had never done in 16 years), I knew that he was too weak to go on. Sam will let you know. . .

    Posted 3 years ago by FondaHonda #

12. 

    NNGM - I've aways wanted to tell you what a cute Gravatar that is of your baby. Is that Nora or Nibs? Who ever it is, is precious.

    Posted 3 years ago by HuddysMama #

13. 

    Ask yourself "What does Sam say?" As others have mentioned, he will let you know when he is ready to let go.

    I have had cats that had to be helped across the bridge and some that graced me with the easy passage of the spirit in their slumber. In either case I can tell you that they let me know it was time. Time to wait or time to assist.

    Smokey decided to join his buddy one day and went to lie on Fritze's grave and passed in his sleep.
    Jasmine was blind, deaf and arthritic but vibrantly full of life until the night she passed in her sleep.
    Ashur was stricken by cancer and went into a coma suddenly one weekend evening and I had to nurse him for two nights and a day before I could get him to a vet for his release (no emergency vets in my area those days).
    Baby's kidneys were failing and she would creep into small dark places to hide instead of crawling into my lap. I stopped her subQ fluids and made the call.

    You know your Sam. Listen to him. He will tell you what he wants.

    And we will be here to support you as you make this awful journey.

    Posted 3 years ago by ailuromaniac #

14. 

    GizzysAuntie, you are the one who knows Sam best. You know when he loses that spark and when living is just fighting against pain. If you love him, you'll know. Bless you and Sam.

    Posted 3 years ago by miu #

15. 

    Bless you for keeping him going with FIV all these years. If he is suffering you will see it in his eyes--he will be asking you to help him go. Sometimes the treatment is worse than the disease. When it is time you must do the last loving thing--hold him until he is gone. I only wish it was allowed years ago--I still feel guilty and cry that some of my babies had to die being alone and afraid.

    Posted 3 years ago by Sheba's Mom in Phoenix, AZ 10/8 #

16. 

    {{{HUGS}}} to you and Sam. You are both in my prayers.

    Posted 3 years ago by krazikat #

17. 

    Hello, GA.

    Last week I had to let my beloved sixteen-year old Joshua go. It was clearly time -- he really wasn't Joshua anymore; he bareley knew where he was. I made my decision because any ordeal he would have gone through would have served to lengthen his life by maybe a month, and he would have had no quality of life. The question I asked myself was what was fair to Joshie. It was not easy; there is a hole in my heart that will always be there (although it is getting smaller).

    My dad is a people doc and he always thought that being an animal was a better deal than being a human, because there is no legal obligation to use extreme means to keep animals alive.

    If you decide to let your beloved Sam go to the bridge, I do offer one piece of advise from experience -- if you can stand it, hold Sam while he leaves this vale of tears. Joshie was the first cat I did that with, and while I am sure it helped him feel more comfortable while he was scared and hurting, it really helped me with closure to know I stayed with my friend to the last.

    My vet helped me to make the right decision. I made sure to ask him this question: "What is the right thing to do for Joshua?" This is very important. In the past, I asked "What can we do for _____" and have been led down a path of painful and expensive (not that I minded paying) procedures and medicine that gave a suffering animal about two more months of life.

    Letting go of a friend, especially a furry one, is not easy. TDK is a great place to hang around while you are trying to find your way in a suddenly lonely world.

    Best wishes.

    Posted 3 years ago by Ivory Bill #

18. 

    I am so sorry. Ivory Bill, I have tears streaming down my face at the office. I remember when my dog companion contracted cancer. It was tough but she did let me know she was ready to leave. Unfortunately she let me know on a weekend. In the end, I didn't have to take her to the vet, she passed peacefully in my studio with all of her furry, feline & canine, siblings with her.

    Posted 3 years ago by tinafishfrombirthplaceofElvis #

19. 

    ((Ivory Bill))

    You are right about holding your baby if you can stand it as they pass on. I've only lost one kitty before Sebastian, and he passed while I was out of town. I always felt sad that I never got to tell him goodbye.

    I'm so sorry about Joshie.

    Posted 3 years ago by HuddysMama #

20. 

    Dear TDKrs:

    Thank you so much for the white light, sympathy, prayers and support. I know that I will revisit your postings again and again in the months to come. As of now Sam is stable. He is having some eating issues (prefers pureed foods) and dehydration problems but his vet and her wonderful techs have shown me how to hydrate him at home so he won't be stressed by trips to the office (aka Land of Steel Tables). We don't know how long he will stay with us, but with supportive care I hope it will be for a long time.

    Once again, thank you.

    Posted 3 years ago by GizzysAuntie #

21. 

    You're an awesome meowmy GA. We're always here for you. [[[Hugs]]]

    Posted 3 years ago by Buttercup #

22. 

    The tuxie in my gravatar is Sam and the smaller tortie is Coco as a kitten. Both are street rescues. (Sorry, this is kind of dark.) This is a rare pix as normally her attitude toward him is one of active indifference. I had hoped they would be friends but she made it quite clear early on that he wasn't her type.

    Posted 3 years ago by GizzysAuntie #

23. 

    Do you have Sam on Sub-Q fluids? I had to do that for awhile on each of my old kitties. It certainly does seem to help them though!

    Posted 3 years ago by NNGM #

24. 

    Gizzys Auntie, Ivory Bill really summed it up for you. His Joshie is the most recent kitty to go to The Bridge. I knew my 16 year old Jiggs wasn't feeling well last year, but he seemed happy and his food intake and litterbox output was normal. Toward the holidays, he lost weight and stopped grooming. I knew something was very wrong, but didn't take him to the vet because I feared lots of tests and meds, and he hated travelling the 4 miles down the mountain. He was always happy at home, and that was key, his happiness. I felt a diagnosis and lenghty treatments and travelling was kind of like doing elective surgery on a 95 year old person; kind of moot. When he started having difficulty eating, I watched him closely, and when his expression changed, I knew. It was all in his big beautiful eyes.
    Shaddo was depressed after Jiggs died, but he seemed ok. His thyroid and anemia were under control, up till May, when he went downhill fast. Suddenly, all meds were no longer working, and in his final week I had to force feed him and give him sub-q's. That told me that his body no longer requiring nutrition, and it was time.
    Sorry for the long post; I'm obsessive when it comes to my boys. I am glad that Sam has had such a long life, and he may give you more time than you realize. Shaddo rallied many times over the years. I wish the best for you.

    Posted 3 years ago by JoanfromNewJersey #

25. 

    Big hugs and much love to you GA. I can't add much to what wisdom and compassion has already been offered. Letting go of our fuzzy friends is the hardest thing we ever do, and I agree fully that being with your buddy at the end is the best gift we can give. We were there for them when they needed us the most (to be given a loving home) and they deserve to have all the love and support and familiar smells of their human(s) around them when it's time to say goodbye.

    My 15 year old Tansey has arthritis and early kidney failure. We've already decided that when her quality of life suffers, it's time to let her go to the Summerland to play with all the other rejuvenated kitties.

    Posted 3 years ago by Siobhan #

26. 

    Yes, NNGM, he is on sub-q fluids (although my knees are still shaking from my first time doing it solo). His vet has also given me some "as needed" pain medication and the soreness in his mouth is clearing up. I no longer have to puree his food and his appetite is good. He goes in next Thursday for his next CBC. His red and white cell counts were almost normal last time (from being very down before), which was encouraging. Yipe! This is beginning to sound like an episode of "ER". My husband says I missed my calling . . . I should have been a vet tech. Frankly, I couldn't stand the losses, which are an inevitable part of the profession, even when it is the kindest thing to do for a patient.

    Posted 3 years ago by GizzysAuntie #

27. 

    Blessings, prayers and good wishes go out to you and yours GizzysAuntie. Most of us have been in this oh-so-difficult position, its hard but our friends know that we love them so very much. Sam has had a wonderful life with you and your family and love is always a good thing.

    Posted 3 years ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #

28. 

    Update: Sam's last CBC was very good. His red cells are up as are his white ones; the vet says the white cell count is the good kind of white cells, showing that his cancer is not winning. He demands food all the time now and weighs in at 8 pounds 13 oz; the highest weight in almost six months. Thanks everyone for the good thoughts and prayers.

    Posted 3 years ago by GizzysAuntie #

29. 

    Continued prayers for Sam!!

    Posted 3 years ago by 2bpurring #

30. 

    Hang in there, Sam! More prayers and super powerful TDK white light heading your way.

    Posted 3 years ago by Kilroy #

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