The North and the South « Daily Kitten Chat Forum

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The North and the South

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Started 3 years ago by Crazycatman - CA
Latest reply from ailuromaniac

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The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has Dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; the South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . .

In the South: --
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be a long shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store...
Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here , are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.
They can't understand YOU either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way.
All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper!

Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, " Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way.
These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will
accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Posted 3 years ago by Crazycatman - CA #
That was funny! I had to forward that. Thanks CCM!!

Posted 3 years ago by cricketsmama #
that's great! :)

Posted 3 years ago by Buttercup #
haha, "if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits".
amazing.

Posted 3 years ago by skirty #
You are most welcome CM!!!

Skirty that is my favorite..:)

Posted 3 years ago by Crazycatman - CA #
The North has Bloomingdales the South has Neiman Marcus!
G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Reared in the South

Posted 3 years ago by tinafishfrombirthplaceofElvis #
LOL at saving bacon grease. It's true, greens taste much better when sauteed in bacon grease - and I say that as a Northerner.

Posted 3 years ago by NNGM #
Only a Southerner knows the difference
> between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you
> don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.
_
> Only a Southerner knows how many fish,
> collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up
> 'a mess.'
> ___
> Only a Southerner can show or point out to
> you the general direction of 'yonder.'
> ___
> Only a Southerner knows exactly how long
> 'directly' is, as in: 'Going to town, be back
> directly.'
> ___
> Even Southern babies know that 'Gimme
> some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular
> sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
> middle of the table.
> ___
> All Southerners know exactly when 'by
> and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know
> the concept well.
> ___
> Only a Southerner knows instinctively that
> the best gesture of solace for a neighbor whose got trouble
> is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold
> potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real
> crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
> ___
> Only Southerners grow up knowing the
> difference between 'right near' and 'a right
> far piece.' They also know that 'just down the
> road' can be 1 mile or 20.
> ___
> Only a Southerner both knows and understands
> the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
> po' white trash.
> ___
> No true Southerner would ever assume that the
> car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make
> a turn.
> ___
> A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can
> be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
> ___
> Only Southerners make friends while standing
> in lines, .. and when we're 'in line,' we talk
> to everybody!
>
> ___
> In the South, y'all is singular, all
> y'all is plural.
> ___
> Southerners know grits come from corn and how
> to eat them.
> ___
> Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,
> bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red
> eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green
> tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
> ___
> When you hear someone say, 'Well, I
> caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the
> presence of a genuine Southerner!
> ___
> Only true Southerners say 'sweet
> tea,' 'sweet milk,' and 'light
> bread' . Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and
> lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.
> 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk.
> And 'Light bread' is white bread.
> ___
> And a true Southerner knows you don't
> scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on
> the freeway. You just say,'Bless her heart' ...
> and go your own way.
> ___
> To those of you who are still a little
> embarrassed by your Southernes s: Take two tent revivals and
> a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless
> your heart!
> ___
> And to those of you who are still having a
> hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless
> your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on
> Southernness as a second language!
> ___
> And for those that are not from the South but
> have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign
> to hang on y'alls front porch that reads 'I
> ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I
> could.'
> Southern girls know men may come and go, but
> friends are fahevah !
>
>
>
>

Posted 3 years ago by tinafishfrombirthplaceofElvis #
A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

LOL you guys are too funny.

Posted 3 years ago by NNGM #
Southern girls always refer to their paternal parent as "Daddy", regardless of their age. :)

Posted 3 years ago by Bellantara #
My mother was born in Alabama and my dad was born in W. Virginia so I have southern in me :)
My mother always called her Father, Fred Daddy.

Posted 3 years ago by cricketsmama #
I am almost 50 and I still call my daddy, daddy. It is so true CM!

Posted 3 years ago by tinafishfrombirthplaceofElvis #
My mom is almost 60, her oldest brother is 65, and they still say "Daddy"!

Posted 3 years ago by Bellantara #
My parents were both from New York, and when they came South they had the good sense to soften their accents, appreciate their neighbors, and thank God for His tender mercies.

I was born and raised in the South. And that heritage shows, in the accent, the attitude, and every other way. Being Southern means that you live your life with a little bit of graciousness and as much gallantry as you can muster, and always consider yourself wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice.

Why? Because you are alive.

The South was the one area of our nation that knew defeat, and once you know that lesson, once you've been beaten, you rise and you go on. You've been through the worst, and you've come out of it. And after a while, your heart and soul and spirit are once again intact.

And you know -- YOU KNOW -- that nothing can defeat you or diminish you.

Posted 3 years ago by Emma #
Ain't it wonderful, being from the South!!!! My parents were both born and bred in Alabama and I was raised in Florida, now living in Colorado, but I'm still a "Barefoot Southern Gal" and will be for the rest of my life - no matter where I live!

Posted 3 years ago by KarenCentennial #
Honey, Southern is an attitude and you carry it with you.

Posted 3 years ago by Emma #
That is so true and it never leaves until you do! I have a niece in Fort Pierce that told me about a saying that was going around down there a few years ago on t-shirts that read "That's Southern B*!ch to You!!" I loved it - at the time that's how I was feeling so I used it regularly!

Posted 3 years ago by KarenCentennial #
I hate to say this CCM and Tinafish, but someone using "y'all" in the singular is the most surefire method of identifying a Yankee trying to talk Southern. Only transplanted Yankees and ignorant Hollywood actors (most gratingly, Kyra Sedgewick) use "y'all" in the singular.

Posted 3 years ago by gatakitty #
Oh, and Chuck, ditto for "crawfish." They're "crawdads," period. Ok, "mudbugs" in Louisiana, but who's gonna argue with a crazy Cajun, especially if he's doing the cooking?

Posted 3 years ago by gatakitty #
Emma, Emma, Emma,
I am suprised at you girl. I thought all Southern Belles knew that the South did not lose THE WAR, the General quit and because we loved him so, we were too polite to disagree.

Posted 3 years ago by ailuromaniac #
AM, my great-grandmother Eliza's smokehouse was the place where Jefferson Davis spent his last night before capture. Her brothers fought in THE WAR, and, dear as she was her whole life (she died when I was 8), she was NEVER "reconstructed."

The words "Civil" and "War" could not be uttered in the same sentence within earshot of "Liza." Were someone to commit that most egregious of sins, her benign face would instantly harden, and she would glare at you with those piercing blue eyes of hers and hiss "There was nothin' 'civil' about it!"

Posted 3 years ago by gatakitty #
I had relatives on both sides of the "war between the states". "I reckon' means I guess so. That's "right pretty' means that's very pretty. Saying "this here" instead of this one. A mosquito hawk is a dragonfly. Any soda is Cokecola. And my Mom telling me that she'd "jerk a knot " in my tail if I didn't stop doing something was a dire threat.
1. DIRECTLY:
(pronounced drect-ly) Soon, as in "directly we'll go an get us a bite to eat."
2. IF'N:
(pronounced if-n) "We can go an get a bite to eat if'n you want to."
3. WHITE ON RICE:
Close, as in "He stuck to that pretty girl like white on rice."
4. SAM HILL:
Bewilderment, as in "What in the Sam Hill are you doin'?"
5. NARY:
Not, as in "Nary one of them showed up at church Sunday."
6. RECKON:
Wonder, as in "Reckon why none of them showed up at church Sunday?"
7. HIT:
It, as in "Hit's a gonna rain today."
8. FIXIN' or A'FIXIN':
Going to, as in "I'm a'fixin' to go get me a bite to eat."

Posted 3 years ago by Buttercup #
From Tom Fisher:
1. He looked awful -- like he was rode hard and put away wet.
2. My dog's dumber than a box full of owl poop.
3. The fool's so lost he don't know if he's afoot or on horseback.
4. That thang's 'bout as useful as teats on a boar.
5. She's so dumb her elevator don't go to the top floor.
6. I'm hungry enough to eat the south end of a north bound skunk.
7. Jim's so confused he can't tell his butt from 3rd base.
8. Ol' Rabbit's so mixed up he don't know daylight from dark.
9. William's so dumb he ain't got both oars in the water.
10. My mama's meaner than a junkyard dog.
11. She's also madder than a wet hen.
12. "Some days you win, some days you lose, some days it rains!" - Crash Davis [from the movie BULL DURHAM]

Posted 3 years ago by Buttercup #
These are so funny!!! I am from New England and when I go home and start talking with people standing in line I get weird looks. When I am friendly to the cashier I get a bored glare. Then I remeber why I never want to move back there! Besides, It's "wicked haaad to paaak tha caaaa up theyaaaa"

Posted 3 years ago by krazikat #
My paternal family emigrated from England to the States and settled in SC where they established an institution to desiminate the nuances of their profession...A School of Elocution. In due time they became well respected and even attracted two rather renoun students. One of these students moved to England where he achieved some fame as a Shakespearian Actor. As you may have discerned from this, an elocutionist would today be called a drama coach.

The other student was the brother of the first and became best known as a Presidential Assassin.

My Great Grandfather was at Bull Run.

Posted 3 years ago by ailuromaniac #
Bull Run?!? Don't you mean Manassas, AM?

My great-grandfather was at Gettysburg. His unit, Co. B of the 126th North Carolina Infantry, was in Pickett's Charge. My great-grandfather was one of only three men in the company who survived.

Posted 3 years ago by gatakitty #
you don't stop that crying, I'll give you something to cry about! (Usually resulted in a spanking, making us cry more)
~~If a bullfrog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he jumped. (resulted from our saying IF too much)
~~Close that NEWmonia hole. (close the window)
~~Your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower! (usually followed by: "Go get me a switch.")
~~Don't you make eyes at me, boy! (if we rolled our eyes)
higher than a Georgia pine (drunk)
4) I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece (I'm going down the road for a short distance.)
5) Well, I'll just swaney! (Well, I'll be darned.)
6) Don't go off with your pistol half cocked. (Don't get mad unless you have all the facts.)
7) We better git on the stick! (We better get started.)
8) Somebody beat him with the ugly stick. (He's not very good looking.)
9) I'll knock you so hard you'll see tomorrow today. (You're gonna get it!)
10) Dumb as a bucket of rocks. (Pretty dumb)
My uncle Zane use to say: "I'm happier than a dog with two peters."
* My Grand use to threaten us with: "I'll knock you in the head and tell God you died."
* Fish or cut bait. (Do it or hush about it.)
* Egg-sucking dawg (person not well thought of)
* Juke joints (bars)
* Drunker than Cooter Brown (I never knew Cooter.)
* Well he/she's just down rite sorry. (person not well thought of or respected)
* Plumb fell off (lost weight)
* You sure are poor. (means skinny)
* Well, if that don't put pepper in the gumbo!

Posted 3 years ago by Buttercup #
The north is where you have snow days off from school in winter.
The south is where "winter" is the three months you don't mow the lawn.

The north has sarcastic smiles.
The south has plastic smiles.

The north is where northern people live.
The south is where northern people go to retire.

The north is where you have Great Nor'easters.
The south is where you have Hurricanes.

I visited the real south once (Alabama/Mississippi) and lived in the not-real-south (Florida) for 3 years as a teenager. I gotta say, both of these were interesting times in my life but....I think I'll stay in the north.

Posted 3 years ago by Arcalian #
we got some real south here in florida,the older places like Wildwood and such. It's almost like the Ga towns I went to as a child. Miami is practically a caribbean country.

Posted 3 years ago by Buttercup #
Bull Run?!? Don't you mean Manassas, AM? Yes, but the family elected to use the Yankee designation because that is what they did both times...RUN.

I don't know which Alabama regiment he was in. He lost the bicepts muscle in one arm due to a canonball hit. It was a miracle he survived.

Posted 3 years ago by ailuromaniac #

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