Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs

Now I really feel worthless

(52 posts)
  1. I just applied to another company for a medical loan to have Mr. Leeny's teeth extracted, and was turned down by them. This company was the first to extend credit to me after the chapter 7 filing in 2003 (a medical loan to get Mr. Leeny's teeth capped), I have two credit cards with them on which I have never had a missed or late payment, and just the other day I got a letter from them offering me a $30,000 loan to buy a new car! Yet they won't lend me $2,200 to have Mr. Leeny's teeth extracted.

    The woman from the church was not able to bring up Mr. Leeny's need at Sunday's meeting of the benevolence organization; it was an annual meeting at which that kind of business was not addressed. She called me the next day and told me she's pretty sure that they will approve this in January anyway, but that it would be mid- to late January before that would happen. She said she would ask them for "around $400", and that I should get started raising matching funds. How the heck am I supposed to do that, hold a bake sale at work?

    I told The Temp what was going on, and he said he would bring the matter up with the church Council at their meeting last night. I'll talk to him about it on Sunday. I'm just not that eager to hear that they can't do anything.

    The GP is putting Mr. Leeny on antibiotics and is taking over management of pain medication for him. He suggested I find another dentist who accepts funding from the other source, but now that they've turned me down, too, that isn't going to help.

    I feel like an absolute failure.

    Posted 1 year ago by Leeny #

  2. Leeny is your husband on medicaid? Is he considered disabled? If this is the case you might want to contact social services to see what aid they maybe able to help with. In the meantime you need to raise money. Last night someone posted the website for Angel Food Ministries. You could purchase food through this and save money for food. The more that you are showing ways that you are trying to acquire the funding needed the more often groups are willing to help. You are not a failure. My continued prayers are with you.

    Posted 1 year ago by SoxsMom #

  3. Lenny you are not a failure. I agree with SM and I think social services would be able to help. Prayers and good thoughts for you and Mr Leeny.

    Posted 1 year ago by Teresa #

  4. Soxsmom, Mr. Leeny isn't eligible for anything because I make too much money; the problem is that it all goes straight back out the door on medical bills, mostly his.

    I'm getting a 4.5% raise in January. I don't know how much of an increase in my monthly net pay that will translate into, but I plan to put aside whatever the difference is between my current and new net pay to save up for the procedure.

    Posted 1 year ago by Leeny #

  5. what about getting a divorce on paper? If it is amicable and all that then he will be able to get the social services he needs, there are people who have done this for loved ones before because the medical bills were just too big

    Posted 1 year ago by TheKnittingNinja #

  6. Now don't anybody get upset, but I will kill myself for the insurance money before I do that.

    Posted 1 year ago by Leeny #

  7. what about him getting a job at goodwill or someplace like that

    Posted 1 year ago by TheKnittingNinja #

  8. Leeny! The longer it goes on the more pain and medical bills stack up. You cna get a paper divorce then pay for the procedures and then remarry 6 months to a year later no harm no foul!

    It takes care of the bills problem, and it would be paper only doesn't mean you leave or change any habits.

    If worsecomes to worse it is an option to consider!

    Posted 1 year ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

  9. Leeny, I don't understand why that company is willing to lend you $30,000 for a new car and not $2000 for Mr Leeny's bills. That's insane!

    You are not a failure. You are a generous, hardworking, responsible, selfless woman who is caught between a rock and a hard place. Please don't give up. In Australia they would call you a 'little Aussie battler' and here in NZ, we just know you're the salt of the earth. Take heart, Leeny, we love you.

    Posted 1 year ago by jcat #

  10. You know, one thing I was thinking is that this might force him to go out and get a job. Not only would that be good for our financial situation, but it would be good for HIM, both mentally and physically.

    Posted 1 year ago by Leeny #

  11. I think I know why, JCAT. Detroit needs the money.

    Posted 1 year ago by Leeny #

  12. could you take the car loan and then use it for something else?
    Cause if they will just give you the check then who are they to say where you actually spend it

    Posted 1 year ago by TheKnittingNinja #

  13. And quite honestly, if the divorce option gets Mr Leeny the help he needs, then I would seriously consider it. People are more important than a piece of paper and you know, if there is a God, I'm pretty sure He'd agree. You wouldn't be breaking any vows in your heart which is where it counts.

    Posted 1 year ago by jcat #

  14. The car loan was a special arrangement with a dealership in town, TKN. They'd give the dealership the money if I went to them and bought a car within a certain period of 3 or 4 days.

    Posted 1 year ago by Leeny #

  15. Leeny, yeah, cause those executive jets cost a lot to run...

    Posted 1 year ago by jcat #

  16. Have you read, JCAT, that the American automakers in Detroit want the federal government to give them several billion dollars to keep them in business? Seems after the bank deal, lots more people are knocking on Uncle Sam's door.

    Posted 1 year ago by Leeny #

  17. yeah but that dont mean you cant claim your share as well

    Posted 1 year ago by TheKnittingNinja #

  18. Yes, I have Leeny, and I also saw on our TV news that the CEOs showed up to the meeting in at least one private jet, and that while 2 CEOs said they'd be willing to do their job for $1 (big of them, seeing that they've been earning millions for years), another one said his salary was just fine the way it was, thanks.

    I don't want people to lose their jobs anywhere but I don't see how subsidising those fatcats to continue their wasteful ways will save jobs in the long run. I'd rather give the bailout money directly to the workers, to spend on retraining and starting their own businesses, or forming a co-operative and buy the company themselves! Sorry, ranting here!

    I have to run. There's a Maori proverb I really like -- He aha te mea nui? He tangata, he tangata, he tangata, which means What is the most important thing? It is people, it is people, it is people. Not pieces of paper. {{{HUGS}}}

    Posted 1 year ago by jcat #

  19. This continued suicide solution is no solution. It really is disturbing that you think that would help him. Who is planning on caring for him if you are gone? His family--well where are they now? I understand you are under enormous pressure but this is dangerous thinking. No one suggests that you leave Mr. Leeny. If you are divorced and are living together he would qualify for several services that could care for him without driving you to think that suicide is a solution. People are truly praying for you and trying to provide you with some solutions.

    Posted 1 year ago by SoxsMom #

  20. Leeny, sorry for the troubles you are having, Sm, has some good advice, if you divorce him, he will qualify for things you can't do right now. I know this is tough, but tough times need tough measures. I am praying for you and him. Mama Lynn

    Posted 1 year ago by Lynn from PA 6/8 #

  21. Leeny, the best suggestion that I have read here is for Mr. Leeny to get a job of some sort. Not only would it help you financially but perhaps it would give him a sense of purpose and of contributing. It could be the very thing that he needs - to realize that life is more than laying on the sofa watching TV while your wife struggles in this economy to try and make ends meet. Salvation Army hires, as well as lots of other non-profits. Depends on where you live as to what is available.

    He is allowing you to fall into this pool of despair and yet he does nothing. Maybe it's time you set some rules.

    Posted 1 year ago by WillowandWindismom #

  22. Leeny, it's long past time that Mr. Leeny help contribute to his own upkeep, if he's at all able to hold a job. It will likely give him a greater sense of self-worth and distract him from his worries, as well. Work may be challenging for him on a number of levels, but that shouldn't keep him from doing something toward earning his keep.

    It doesn't have to be full time. It doesn't have to pay benefits. Minimum wage would be fine. But he'll have to be responsible for applying for work, and for figuring out how to get himself to & from work.

    I know you're in a difficult place.

    Is Mr. Leeny now rinsing with mouth-temperature peroxide several times per day? Has he given up soda and any other sugared drinks? Is Mr. Leeny willing to consider selling something that he owns that's of some value, to help contribute toward his necessary dental care?

    Posted 1 year ago by anncetera2 #

  23. Leeny, I'm so sorry; I forgot the most important part.

    You are NOT worthless. And you are NOT a failure.

    I care about you. That may not mean much, but I've been pushed to the brink myself at times earlier in my life. I know that horrible spiral of despair, and how terribly strong it can be. Please know that I care about you, and I care about what happens to you.

    I suspect your life and your friendship are worth more than you realize, Leeny. I went through an exercise with my friends once, as part of my therapy to understand my perception problem (feeling worthless). I emailed about 15 close friends, and explained that my questions were going to be genuine, confidential, and were part of my psychotherapy.

    The questions I asked were:

    "Why do you like me?"
    "Why are you my friend?"
    "Seriously, I have absolutely no idea why anyone would want to be my friend. So I thought it would be good to ask some folks I consider to be friends, and see what the responses are. Thanks for your input."

    I kept every single reply. (And true to my scientific little mind, I collated the adjectives and adverbs, and found some trends.) I still look back at them every once in a great while, if I'm feeling particularly down. Some of them still touch me deeply, and bring tears to my eyes.

    You're doing the best that you can, Leeny. It's hard, and I know you're not finding optimal solutions yet. But you will, I know you will. Both you and Mr. Leeny will be better off when that happens.

    Please don't hesitate to reach out to all of us when you need help, whether it's that you're feeling down or that Mr. Leeny needs a few bucks for his teeth. Hell, I'm still unemployed, but I'd contribute what I could toward a paypal account to match funds for Mr. Leeny's extractions.

    P.S. I'm glad Mr. Leeny is getting additional help from the GP for pain medication and antibiotics; that's good. Both of those things should help reduce his stress and discomfort - which should help reduce your stress, too. Does Mr. Leeny simply not understand that he should be helping to earn the money he needs, to get his teeth taken care of?

    Posted 1 year ago by anncetera2 #

  24. I am in awe... this is what the TDK family is all about. I could not have said it better than any above.. Huuuuggggsss, purrrrs, gooood thoughtttttss and white ligghtttttttssss to you and Mr. Leeny!!!!

    Posted 1 year ago by AbbigaleViolet #

  25. Good luck, Leeny. When you don't believe you are worth anything, all you need to do is come back to this thread and read, read, read. Read it until you believe in yourself again. If you are low on faith in yourself, have faith in God and in your TDK family. {{{{{{{many hugs}}}}}}}

    Posted 1 year ago by Kitten Whisperer #

  26. Hey, if you want a good laugh, go back and read the Tues. thread about the depends and the toilet tissue!!! That has to be a classic!!!

    Posted 1 year ago by AbbigaleViolet #

  27. Leeny, I can't add more to all the good advise here. I just want you to know that you are not worthless. I think the way you have supported and cared for Mr. Leeny is amazing - I'm afraid I would never have the patience to do all that you have done. Keep your chin up, look at yourself in the mirror and say "My TDK friends think I am a wonderful person". Because it's true, you know.

    Posted 1 year ago by NNGM #

  28. leeny dear, i understand that feeling. some people in this country get what they don't deserve, and those who do need it are jilted. when i reported i got married social secuirty took m medicaid even tho my husband wasn't (and still isn't) working, and i could not work.....i even tried to look for jobs i might be able to do, filed a million applications, and had 2 nterviews. i was turned away at both. anyway, i too need teeth extracted and all kindsa dental work. maybe you could talk to your dentist if anything about doing a payment plan, or going to a dental clinic if possible.

    Posted 1 year ago by Nirmal #

  29. Leeny, sorry to hear about Mr Leeny's dental problems. I have needed some extensive dental work and my dental hygienist told me that 1 Saturday a month, dentists in our area volunteer to help people in my situation. I haven't had time to look into it yet, but maybe there is a similar program in your area? Also you may try a dental school. I've had friends with financial need go this route and they had good luck. I know it's hard not to feel blue when one problem after another piles up to the point that you can't even find your own life anymore. These intrusions wear us down, we are human. Try to remember that there are people who perk up and feel happy when they see you here and we enjoy your input and wish good things for you. You are in my prayers Leeny.{{{HUGS}}}

    Posted 1 year ago by krazikat #

  30. come to think of it, if you or ur hubby were a college student....your college may even get free denal work. i know my college does it (for students - altough it's only cleanings)! but maybe they could direct you to more info if anything

    Posted 1 year ago by Nirmal #


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