Know what you are going thru, Terri. My mom had the same thing going on with my grandmother, and it didn't help when her 5 brothers and sisters would say "Ann, it is so nice that you live close to Mom, and can be there for her"!I was glad I was able to come home and give her some respite about once a month for at least a weekend. But they never did. Too "busy", ya know? Wish I could do the same for you. Hang in there. It's like the little kid who takes it out on mom, because he knows mom will always love him despite his bad behavior. You may be the only person your mother feels she can take her greviances out on, because she knows you will never desert her.
Daily Kitten Chat Forum » General Chat
I need prayers for me now
(41 posts)-
Posted 4 years ago by paulajeanne #
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Terri, sending you prayers and good thoughts. I wish I was closer and could be of actual help. Maybe it is time to be tough with your sibs and tell them outright that they need to do their share. Even if they live out of town they can come down for a weekend and give you a break. If a different sib would come down one weekend a month in rotation that would help some.
Posted 4 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #
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Excellent suggestion ppearson. I think asking the other sibs for a visit even if just once a month would be a nice respite for Terri and for her Mom. The responsibility always falls to the person closest and hopefully one can remind the others that they need to help too.
Hugs.
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You all have given some great advice, but let me explain...
My oldest brother is in the USAF. He can't get leave time until she actually become totally incapacited.
My next oldest brother is a chef in PA. He works every week end. No way for him to come and help.
My older sister, well.... she is the president of a large corporation. She WON'T come. She says that she'll PAY but she won't come. and she will only pay when mom needs hospice.
my next younger sister has 3 kids still at home and she can't come from PA. She's a single mom and no one to help her when she comes here.
My younger brother is a truck driver, on the road all time.
and my youngest sister is a spoiled brat! she expects everyone to cater to her. I can't handle her and mom at the same time. Besides she lives in Oklahoma.
Posted 4 years ago by Bogman, Clark and Andy's mama 2/27 Florida #
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Terri...I sent you an email regarding elder sitters. But I think everyone needs to hear this, so I'll write about it here as well.
Elder sitters specialize in sitting with the elderly, just as baby sitters sit with children. They are paid by the hour or half-day, and will sit in hospital rooms or homes, or nursing or retirment homes. Physicians specializing in geriatric care, oncology, etc., usually can recommend reliable, bonded elder sitters. When requesting a sitter referral from a doctor's office, state clearly that you are only interested in an experienced elder sitter with excellent references. Then ask the recommended sitter for a reference sheet, just as you would for children, and check the references thoroughly.
In your case, Terri....your siblings may not be able to physically help, but they can cough up the fee for the sitter....they'd probably be elated to get off so easy!
Good luck!
Posted 4 years ago by Jo in Blairsville #
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Maybe the older sister that is willing to send money will kick in for an outside caregiver (not all the time, of course, but just to give you a break every so often). It sounds like you are just getting burned out - very common with caregivers - and you need a little "down time".
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Hi Terri, OK...I can relate. I took care of my mom for over 30 years until she passed away. She didn't have cancer, but I made it though 2 broken hips. She always was a very dependent personality and expected me to be there. When I went back to college, if I wasn't home at a certain time to fix dinner she would call 911...there were many occasions she did that. I had an older sister, but she ignored what I went through until I had to put her in a nursing home just before her death. What I am getting at is that..I too wanted to pull my hair out by the roots..cried alot (I was also rying to raise two sons at the time)and even thought about tying one on more than once. My mom is gone now for 5 years and I miss here and all her complaints. I knew she loved me...and I klnow that more than ever now. I have also learned there are support groups out there for caregivers..they will even give you an occasional day of relief when needed. Hopefully you can find a group like that....but I know our prayers won't hurt and you know you have alot of furbaby support.
Posted 4 years ago by peppercat28 #
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Bog is definitely a help. He'll crawl up in her lap and start kneading her tummy and purring away. He knows she doesn't feel well, but that doesn't help me. I am so tired.
Posted 4 years ago by Bogman, Clark and Andy's mama 2/27 Florida #
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Terri, I can relate. When my mom was dying, my dad suffered a heart attack. My youngest sister was living at home and yet I was the one who had to take off work for months to take care of them both even though younger sister was living there. My oldest brother was no help at the time -he was a total alcoholic and dealing with his own issues. There's only 3 of us who were actually raised together so a lot of responsiblity fell on me. It was a very difficult time and looking back even now (this was almost 24 years ago) I don't see how I did it but with the grace of God and all my friends praying for me.
Again, I'm sending strength your way. And a big hug to Bog, the kitty who wants to make everybody better.
Posted 4 years ago by HuddysMama #
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Hey, sweetie, why don't you just call your elder sister and explain that you need help NOW. Otherwise, you will box up your husband and cats and mom and send them all to her. Throw in 50 cents worth of hysteria and I'll bet she will understand. Sad truth: some people find their wallets only when their siblings lose their minds.
Much love,
Auntie Em :) -
I second what Auntie Em said.
Purrs and tons of huggs, Teri.
Posted 4 years ago by SammyandOliversmama #
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