Just had a call from Catwoman saying people were asking about me. Am considering doing something very difficult, my worst nightmare. Not going to hurt myself or anyone else, don't worry. Monday afternoon will be particularly difficult. Won't be on much until this is settled; just don't feel like talking.
CW, I just couldn't write it on a public forum right now.
That's ok, do what you need to do for you. Just know we love you and will always be here for you! Love and prayers your way!
Posted 2 years ago by mollycat71 #
(((Leeny))) We're all behind you.
Posted 2 years ago by Bellantara #
Leeny, you are surrounded by love, prayer and the white light of TDK. You are strong. You can do this. Please keep yourself safe while you are sorting things out. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
Leeny, do whatever it is you need to be safe. Talk to us when you can. We're here for you. Prayers and good wishes go on unabated whether you can post or not.
Posted 2 years ago by GizzysAuntie #
Strength to you, Leeny. Let us know how we can help when you are ready.
Posted 2 years ago by CheetahBoysmommy #
Leeny, I don't know what's going on, but know that your friends are here for you. I wish you peace and prayers. Stay well and safe. (hugs)
Posted 2 years ago by Lynn from PA 6/8 #
Gentle hugs for you, Leeny.
Posted 2 years ago by paulajeanne #
(((Leeny)) Please stay safe. We are here for you. You are in my prayers.
Posted 2 years ago by cricketsmama #
{{HUGS}}. We're thinking of you and sending positve energy to help you through these times.
Posted 2 years ago by KapitiKats in NZ #
We are with you in spirit.
Posted 2 years ago by Tigerlilly #
{{{gentle hugs}}} Leeny
Posted 2 years ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #
Leeny, thank you for the quick update. I hope whatever you have to do, you find the strength to do it and that it keeps you safe and gives you peace of mind. Sending you prayers and hugs.
Posted 2 years ago by SylMiaFelixMomma #
Prayers are winging their way to you Leeny. Take care.
Posted 2 years ago by tinafishfrombirthplaceofElvis #
--deep breath--
Okay, here's what's going on. I just got back from seeing a lawyer for a free consultation about divorcing Mr. Leeny, or the possibility of getting the marriage annuled. This is the gist of the meeting:
1. I can get a divorce on the grounds of irretrievably broken marriage, mentally cruel treatment, and/or (if I were to file within the next few months), physically cruel treatment.
2. An annulment might be possible, but is unlikely. The lawyer could try, but it would have to be demonstrated that Mr. Leeny either (a) was not competent to marry or (b) had no intention of fulfilling a husband's role at the time of the wedding. The lawyer could try for an annulment, then file for a divorce if an annulment isn't granted.
3. My leaving the marital residence to get away from the explosion that would happen after Mr. Leeny's service with divorce papers would not prejudice against my continuing to live there after a divorce. (I'm not sure I'd want to live there anyway; he's trashed the place so much.)
4. If Mr. Leeny ever assaults me again, a temporary protective order can be issued the same day, served on Mr. Leeny in my absence, and he's out of there.
5. My having to pay spousal support to Mr. Leeny isn't going to happen. Spousal support is paid when (a) a spouse gives up a career or livelihood to raise children or to support the other spouse in a "two-person career" (as with high-level executives, politicians, etc.) or (b) a spouse becomes disabled during the marriage and the other spouse files for divorce because of it.
6. It isn't my responsibility to set up Mr. Leeny's subsequent living arrangements if we divorce.
7. A judge could possibly be sympathetic to Mr. Leeny because of his disability, but it's not clear what would happen because of that.
8. The settlement offer I showed the lawyer (Mr. L. keeps all marital property, I pay all debts, and I pay Mr. L. $600 a month for a limited period of time to give him a chance to get established--the direct costs of supporting him that I wouldn't have to pay if we weren't married) is "exceptionally generous."
9. The lawyer requires a $3000 retainer to begin proceedings.
I actually feel more relaxed now than I have since the middle of March because I know what will happen and what is needed. I also have time, because I don't have $3000 and it will take some time to save it. Also, Mr. Leeny is scared and is making concessions. He volunteered to move the TV into what is now the storage room, and is taking action to get it cleared and furnish it. That would reduce the tension in the home tremendously. He's also being nicer to me. I know it's probably because he doesn't want to lose his meal ticket, but it does make life a bit more peaceful.
At least I know now what is, and is not, required of me and what to expect. Now, if/when God wants me to do this, He will supply me with $3000 as a very tangible expression of His will.
{{{gentle hugs again Leeny}}}
Posted 2 years ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #
Aw, Leeny! That is such a big step, I am SO PROUD of you! You are thinking of YOU and that is exactly who you need to think of and take care of! Please do not let his "niceness" now make you change your mind. You have come to the fork in the road where you know what you need to do, are doing it, and are going to be so much better off! Please keep us posted and know even if you aren't here, we are all still thinking of you and praying for you! Continued hugs, prayers and healing white lite your way! (((LEENY)))
Posted 2 years ago by mollycat71 #
I don't understand why you would leave all marital property with Mr. Leeny, pay off all debts (including the big one for his dental work?) and pay $600 a month. I know you are trying to be generous, but you may be delaying the inevitable point when he will receive government assistance. To be left without any income could qualify him for emergency housing and disability payments right off the bat.
Trying to be nice and take care of him, CW. You're right about the emergency assistance. My late best friend's second husband had paranoid schizophrenia and cut her throat in the middle of the night. She had $1 in her wallet at the time, and she got emergency assistance. I just don't want to be the one to cause him an emergency.
As for the property and the debts, he needs the property more than I do and he isn't going to be able to pay the debts. We don't owe the dentist anything because the church paid for that in advance. Anyway, the lawyer said that the judge would probably order "an equitable division" of the property.
Leeny I am glad you are putting yourself ahead of him. He has family, they may not want to help him, but it really should not fall on your shoulders to take care of him. Leeny you deserve some happiness and joy! The next few months may be stressful, but remember you have a lot of supposrt here and you are loved.
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