DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT"
problems before adding "NEW" problems.
____________________________________________________
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not
live his life like the rest of the chickens.
____________________________________________________
GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
____________________________________________________
COLIN POWELL:
Now
to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road...
____________________________________________________
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
____________________________________________________
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against
it.
___________________________________________________
NANCY GRACE :
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.
____________________________________________________
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
____________________________________________________
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had
a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
____________________________________________________
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes,
the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
____________________________________________________
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
____________________________________________________
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see "the plain side."
That's why they call it "the other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That
chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as
that.
____________________________________________________
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
____________________________________________________
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to
the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life
long
dream of crossing the road.
____________________________________________________
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in
peace.
____________________________________________________
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
____________________________________________________
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book.
Internet Explorer is a integral part of eChicken. This new platform
is much more
stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C .. ... reboot.
____________________________________________________
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
the chicken?
____________________________________________________
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition
of chicken?
____________________________________________________
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
____________________________________________________
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
____________________________________________________
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
___________________________________________________
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
