Cheri, I have been there and done that. Listen to everyone else.
Until you have trained and practiced assertiveness and figured out a way to recondition people who are well set in their ways and you have all learned to reconstruct your automated stimulus-response mechanisms, don't step into a dark alley where you know danger may be lurking.
Daily Kitten Chat Forum » General Chat
I need reassurance please...
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Posted 4 years ago by SharoninAustell46 #
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I have been there. The Chrstmas after my Mother died, I flew home, as usual, to spend Christmas with Dad. Well Dad always suffered SAD, within the family. Outside of the family he was the hail fellow well met. On Christmas Day he had disappeared. I was left alone, without a car, without any fixings for Christmas dinner. I forget what I had for Christmas dinner. I learned later, that he had Cristmas dinner with a church member who had invited both of us. His priest told me not to come home for Christmas any more. Next Christmas, I sent him a plane ticket to visit me in Des Moines, IA. He didn't use it. Why? He was going to play the piano at the senior center for their Christmas Program. That was it. I called and sent cards and presents but I never again went home. Why bother. And when he remarried and I went home to pack up what I wanted to take before he sold the house. He disappeared for the time thatI was there--his fiancee was surprised that I didn'tknow where he was or when he would be back--anyway, I discovered, that my Christmas presents had not been used.
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Sorry to hear that, yankee. I'm blessed with a great family, but I know that's not the norm. My heart goes out to you. I hope you don't spend Christmas alone --- and have friends or your own family to share holidays with.
Posted 4 years ago by Jo in Blairsville #
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Jo, I am alone. I never got married and have no kids. I will probably be spending Thanksgiving with my church family. I am estranged from my brother and have been for about ten years. I've made several attempts at making peace but no response so I've let it die. I do have friends, but no one really, really close here. But yes, I do have friends, but they have families of their own. I don't really think about it much. It's just the way it is. I used to think I was the only one. Then I learned that there ere more dysfunctional families than great families, so I felt better.
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Hi Cheri -
{{{HUGS}}}
Your TDK family loves you.Posted 4 years ago by JoanfromNewJersey #
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Yankee and Cheri, I understand what you are going through. Holidays are very difficult for singles. However, being widowed and distant from blood relatives means that I got a chance to put together a "designer family" made up of good friends, and co-workers who've become friends. A church family is a designer family as well, and a family is a family is a family.
Sometimes your blood relatives can be wonderful, loving and supportive. They can also be mean, unkind, insulting, etc. If they are the former, hold them to you with hoops of steel. If they belong in the second camp, send them nice Hallmark cards and keep away from them. There is no reason for an adult to remain in an abusive or demeaning situation for the sake of faked up familial togetherness.
As for developing assertiveness, it's very easy once you start believing that you are a good person who is worthy of love and does not deserve the crap that some people are willing to give you under the guise of "love."
You two are wonderful and delightful women, with a sweetness of spirit that shines through your letters. Please know and believe that fact, right down to your bones. You are good and loving, and you deserve a lot!
And now, Emma will climb off her soapbox, and I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!
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Emma, I thank you. I don't know how far away Cheri is from her parents who are coming for Thanksgiving Dinner but in my situation, being about 1,200 miles away sure helped. But in my opinion, I'm with those who suggest going to a nice restaurant. It's true people in public are usually at their best. Andif nothing else, there is plenty to watch and even conversations to listen to. Better yet if it's a buffet, because then if your ready to kill, you can get up to get another "sample" of whatever it is you missed or something that was absolutely delicious. Cooking dinner for people for people you love/like is one thing , cooking for people who totally stress you out is something else. I'd go for the restaurant. If you miss the smell, and have Friday off then you can cook Thnksgiving Dinner on Friday for you.
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