Daily Kitten Chat Forum » General Chat

1. 

   Hi everyone!

   Have a few minutes of free time and thought I would sneak on the computer at my sisters. Just got off of work and I am so tired. Work is going well. I worry that I am in over my head as far as expenses for the apartment and everything else that goes along with being on our own.

   Just a lot of worries on my mind and no one to talk to about it. My family just says I will be fine and not to worry about it. That sounds like great advice, but it still doesn't stop me from being woried.

   I have been seeing a male friend that I knew years ago when i had lived here. It is nothing serious, just a friend with occasional benefits. That is when he can fit me into his life. GRRR! I would like more time with him, but his life won't allow it. He tells me to just wait and see where things go, man I hate waiting. I get to see him maybe 2 or 3 hours a week if I am lucky. How do you go about finding someone to date? I don't want anything serious, but I also don't want to be alone all the time.

   WOW! All I can do is whine. I am so sorry for the complaining and all. I will try to check back in a couple of days. Hope everyone is doing well.

   Hugs.
   DM

   Posted 2 years ago by daisy mew #

2. 

   Hi DM, just mailed you 3 packages, hope it's the right address. I sent them to the PO box.
   Don't have a lot of advice on the dating front, will have been married 30 yrs in a few weeks. I do wonder in my humble opinion whether it may be better to take time right now to settle in, get the boys stable with school etc, before embarking on a new other person commitment. You've come a long way baby, I think it's OK to slow down now.

   Posted 2 years ago by Tigerlilly #

3. 

   You just got a divorce and are getting on your feet--are you sure you want to rush the dating thing? Especially with someone that can't make time for you? Sorry I am being negative--just question--probably ones you have already thought of. Are the boys ready to go back to school? I bet they are ready to make a bunch of friends! You aren't whiney by the way--just have had a lot of stress and now you are finally seeing a new life! Enjoy it!

   Posted 2 years ago by SoxsMom #

4. 

   Hi DM, we miss you!!!

   You can whine all you want - you've been through and are going through a lot. You're doing awesome, though - just look how far you've come already!!

   I don't know about how to go about finding someone to date - I have no luck in that department, myself. I suppose you could try a match making service online - I've heard of so many people finding their significant other that way.

   Thank you so much again for the TDK stone! It got me a new job!!! I'm wearing it out, carrying it with me everywhere!

   Posted 2 years ago by GreatDane #

5. 

   Hi Julie...glad workis going well. I guess you could say that your being tired ,is a good tired tho. The last thing you need to worry about are complaints or whining. Your family here (especially including me) have all had the need to do the same. I'm just glad to hear your doing so well. I'm alittle envious that your so far along in getting on w/your life. I've had some sudden new complications w/my car,but,I won't get into that.

   How is your sister liking you & the family there? Have your furbabies won her heart? And how's the weather where your at? If you need some heat,you can have ours. We've had several days of 107-109 degrees. Even hotter where 2bp is! That's just plain stripping weather. Come back when you can. {{{HUGS}}} Meow!

   Posted 2 years ago by feral #

6. 

   ((Julie)) Whine all you like. we are here. It is scary and hard to be on your own and the responsible one but at least you are doing it and showing the boys, you can do it. We are all very proud of you. Know you are thought about and missed here everyday. Check in when you can and take care!! Big Hugs to you!

   Posted 2 years ago by cricketsmama #

7. 

   DM,
   I know you may find this unwelcome, but hon, you need to get comfortable with yourself. Find DM's identity as an individual. I suspect your last heartbreak was partially due to entering a relationship because you did not feel whole in yourself.
   If you want to see old friends as friends...OK. I am not sanguine about the with benefits part. Not as a judgement but because of the baggage benefits can bring on board.
   When you do not need to be part of a relationship, you will find a healthy one. Needy people with low self esteem are targets for users and abusers. Take care.

   Posted 2 years ago by ailuromaniac #

8. 

   Daisy, Ail is soooo right. Having been there, it will just happen. I so didn't want to be 1/2 a couple and was despairing and then poof~ Up popped a situation and I flew with it! Relax and enjoy this time. BTW, be frugal, but don't fret so much, like your family says. You have come so far! We are proud of you!

   Posted 2 years ago by SammyandOliversmama #

9. 

   What they all said! {{{HUGS}}}

   Posted 2 years ago by jcat #

10. 

    You are a strong woman and will get stronger as you discover you can do things you don't think you can. Right now you need to concentrate on yourself and your boys and other things will fall into place when the time is right. Relax and don't push; enjoy what you have at this moment and remember we are here for those moments when you need someone to listen.

    Posted 2 years ago by LadyKat of IA #

11. 

    I agree with the other posters. But one way to possibly meet friends is through community activities and online things like meetup.com. This way you meet people with similar interests and maybe someday it goes somewhere but you start with making friends.

    Posted 2 years ago by TrufflesMom #

12. 

    Wishing you the BEST and hope you take care of youself and your boys :)

    Posted 2 years ago by katthays #

13. 

    DM, on your own can be scary, but you have conquered many high hurdles already and I have no doubt you will continue to do so. But please be careful!!! You need to get to know yourself, support your boys through the adjustment and get your routines set. Please be very careful about jumping into Any type of relationship!!! Like I said before, get to know yourself again!! Before you didn't even realize you had the strength to make this move, and that was because you had lost touch with who you really are inside. It is a hard adjustment without a partner, but it is very important you focus on this time and your new life before inviting Anyone to join in. Your boys need to see Mom is in control in order for them to feel secure, if they see you reach for someone else you could loose their respect as leaving them feeling very insecure about mom's ability to care for them on your own.

    Posted 2 years ago by 2bpurring #

14. 

    DM, glad you checked in. I have no dating advice. I do advise looking for a community group to get involved in so you can meet other people your age and start forming friendships and a support network. Making friends with other moms will be a great help to you.

    As for all the responsibilities heaped on your head with the boys and the apartment, I can only advise on frugality. During the times in my life when money was tightest, I switched to drinking iced tea and coolaid instead of cokes, making a lot of pasta dishes, because they go further, Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches instead of fast food and swapping movies and books around amongst family and friends instead of having cable. Hubby and I had lots of game nights and we would do pot luck suppers with our friends instead of going out to restaurants. Picnics, park outings and any free entertainment around town that can be found. Hang in there, you will be going strong soon.

    Posted 2 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #

15. 

    Fro economy ... check out the local library, many libraries have PC games, DVDs and CDs as well as books available for check out.

    Posted 2 years ago by TrufflesMom #

16. 

    Frugal Grocery List:
    1. Whole wheat pasta (try Barilla, it's really good)
    2. Veggies (fresh or frozen or canned, they're all good and just about equally nutritious)
    3. Fruit, again, fresh or frozen or canned
    4. Tuna fish, lean meat, cottage cheese, legumes for protein

    And all of the above are fairly cheap.

    ----------------------------------------

    As for the relationship, honey, get to know yourself and your boys before you start anything new with men. Sometimes we tend to "need" the company of men and the "benefits," only to find that we need our OWN company and those benefits.

    Don't confuse "benefits" with love, or solving all your problems. They just make new ones.

    Don't jump into anything for a while -- like six months, at least. You are vulnerable right now.

    You don't need a man in your life nearly as much as you need to know yourself and what you want.

    Your sons deserve more of you and less of some honcho who is clogging up their mom's mind and heart.

    Your boys are fragile right now, and so are you. Help build up your boys and get them ready for school and life and everything else.

    Don't automatically sink back into the same pattern of behavior that has hurt you before.

    Give yourself time to figure out who you are, what you want, and what you really need.

    Give yourself some downtime. Thinking is exhausting, and planning can wear you out. Do it anyway. It's time. You've come to this place in your life because of poor choices and bad breaks.

    We will help you, and encourage you, and give you advice that perhaps you don't want to hear, but Julie, we've all been through this ourselves.

    There are some strong, wise, powerful women on this site. We want you to succeed. We love you and we love your boys.

    It's time for you to focus on what is important, and what you need for the rest of your life.

    Start thinking. Start planning. Start analyzing. And begin with yourself and your boys.

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

17. 

    And yes, you are all free to tell me to butt out and not post such a loooooooong post.

    I'll still do it. :)

    I love you all!

    Emma

    PS: And when Ail said, "Needy people with low self esteem are targets for users and abusers," she was soooo on target. Very wise words!

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

18. 

    Amen Emma.... and I still want you to adopt me !

    Wise words that I never heard from my Mom, other family or my friends. I was living with husband #2 6 months after the divorce was final from husband #1. That was NOT a wise decision.

    Posted 2 years ago by 2 Popoki #

19. 

    Emma, we all know that if you didn't care about Julie, you wouldn't take the time to post. End result we all want her and the boys to be happy, healthy, secure and know that they have friends all across the world in their corner!

    Posted 2 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #

20. 

    More friendships have started on this site. Amazing, isn't it.

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

21. 

    Emma...I'm with 2P...I would Love to have you adopt me. I always read intensely every word you type. Whether it's a wet noodle lashing,or a Congrats,or a Praise or your beautiful insight into life itself.
    I wonder if you realize just how much of a positive impact you make on others here? I've learned from you here & have been able to change certain things about my life just taking your wise advice. You make me laugh w/your great sense of humor. I'm pretty certain Julie & others agree w/me & don't mind your long posts at all. :)

    Posted 2 years ago by feral #

22. 

    Thank you Emma, believe it or not your post said what I was trying to say in mine however mine came out more like and unending babble!! You have a gift (expressing yourself) and I'm glad to hear you will never stiffle that for anyone!

    Posted 2 years ago by 2bpurring #

23. 

    *blush!*

    You know, it takes a long time to grow that necessary amount of respect for oneself. I know that for years I thought that a man was an absolute necessity for my happiness.

    Now I've realized that if I am not happy alone and on my own, how can I expect another individual, with all his own problems and baggage, to bring joy into my world?

    "Self respect," "self-esteem" -- the first part is SELF.

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

24. 

    Amen to what Emma said...as well as to what Feral said.

    Posted 2 years ago by SylMiaFelixMomma #

25. 

    Hi DM, it's great to hear from you. I've been thinking about you a lot lately.

    Posted 2 years ago by gini #

26. 

    i always liked Gloria Steinum's saying "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle"

    Posted 2 years ago by CSBM #

27. 

    Thanks guys. You are right about the relationship stuff. I just need to wait and figure out all my stuff first. just hate feeling alone all the time. Thanks for all the advice a stuff.
    Many Hugs,
    DM

    Posted 2 years ago by daisy mew #

28. 

    Hi, DM!!!! I can't add to the advice but I just wanted to say hi and send a bunch of hugs!!

    Posted 2 years ago by WillowandWindismom #

29. 

    Just take one day at a time, life takes a long time to live. You have all of our support in your new life and you are not alone. My thought, prayers and many hugs are with you. (hugs DM)

    Posted 2 years ago by Lynn from PA 6/8 #

30. 

    Hi DM! We're always here for you, you know that.... Being on your own really isn't all that bad ~ a bit scary at first, but, give it a chance; you might find you like it! Being in control and on your own can be very impowering!

    Posted 2 years ago by kittymom #

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