Daily Kitten Chat Forum » General Chat

31. 

    Sweetheart, please just let this go and die out.

    No good can come from pursuing this.

    Obviously, the person who made the comment was a clod. Now that you understand this, it would be best to treat this individual in a cool and professional manner.

    It would be heaven on earth to be surrounded by kind people who know when NOT to make a stupid comment. However, heaven, with all of its divine justice, is for later. For now, just let this drop. The unemployment rates are way too high, and many companies are just looking for an excuse to cut the work force.

    Do not give your employers the excuse that you are "overly sensitive" or "like animals more than people" or "can't get along with her co-workers."

    The rat race is over, and sometimes the rats win. But there is eventual justice, and that has to be enough.

    Vent to us, pray to God, and go on to the next battle in your life. We know how you feel. They know how you feel. And we all know there is no cure for stupidity.

    Now, just move on, with grace and wit and knowing how much we all love you. You need to save your energy and focus on other and more important things.

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

32. 

    SMM trust me he knows his comment was offensive and unnecessary. That is why he said it. I am sorry you do not feel support from HR or your manager--that is a very stressful feeling. I pray that you will be able to stay away from him and continue to work. My husband was just told that the multi million $$$ contract that he developed the training for will be given to another individual. He has worked for over a week to put it all together and he gets to watch a man that has NOT done the work go and get all the acolades for the work my husband did. It is not fair to have these situations occur, but they do. Sometime as Emma said much better you have to walk on.

    Posted 2 years ago by SoxsMom #

33. 

    {{{{SMM}}}}

    Posted 2 years ago by katthays #

34. 

    I hear you Emma and since the email has already been sent, will wait to see how the HR Rep responds. If she continues to put up roadblocks, then I will let it go. Corporate wins and the employee loses. I will avoid this said employee but of course if he does anything again, I will push it full tilt.

    Posted 2 years ago by SylMiaFelixsMomma #

35. 

    SMM...I'm there with you all the way in Spirit!

    Posted 2 years ago by feral #

36. 

    Yes, I sympathise with you SMM - I would find it hard to ignore such ignorant, and in a way chilling, behaviour. But as you say, see what response you get now the mail is sent, and take it from there. Easy to say I know, but don't let this get inside of you. Remember one thing - it is his problem that he said what he said, not yours. People say vicious and negative things because of their own problems, not because of the person they say them to. To show him how upsetting you find his words is to make it seem as if you are insecure about yourself. Which you have no cause to be.

    Posted 2 years ago by eleniki #

37. 

    SMM I know you may not want to read this and I know you don't think I was being supportive of you yesterday, which isn't true. I was, and I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what it was you wanted to hear. I did, however, give you the requested hugs.

    But you are risking a bad reputation by pursuing this. I was in HR for a long time at various companies, and even though you have every right to feel as you do, you are making yourself look like a trouble maker because you will not leave this alone. You may say 'well he won't leave it alone.' And that may be true, but who says you have to stoop to his level? You're better than that, aren't you?

    I would hate to see this happen to you. We all know when people start cutting jobs they look for the troublemakers to let go of first. Whether the reputation is deserved or not, I just don't see you wanting to risk this.

    I'm speaking to you as a friend, a single woman with one income (like yourself), and a former HR person. You may think I'm being non-supportive, but as I said, that is not so. I am simply trying to give it to you straight.

    Posted 2 years ago by HuddysMama #

38. 

    HM, thank you for your point of view as an HR representative as well as clarification on what you were trying to tell me. Here is the latest response from the HR Rep:

    I understand that confronting said employee with your concerns may feel uncomfortable, but it is important for you to have a conversation with him so that you can both be on the same page. It's important to understand each person's point of view, and each person's intention in this interaction. We need to give each of you the opportunity to express your point of view, and each of you need to take ownership of the fact that both of you made comments that were inappropriate. Most importantly, you two need to come to an understanding of mutual respect. Avoiding this type of meeting will continue to feed the animosity between the two of you and this does not create a productive work environment, whether you work together directly or not.

    I strongly recommend that you, said employee and your managers and I meet so that we can have a productive conversation to resolve this issue. If you would like to move forward with this, please email me and I will set this up. Thank you"

    She basically keeps ignoring what I am suggesting for said employee and is basically making me to the bad employee if I don't agree to a meeting. This is the "shot across the bow warning shot" and if I don't agree, then I am labeled by HR as someone who is causing the poor work environment. So she has me backed into a corner saying you should have left this well enough alone but since you couldn't, I am going to make you pay for bothering me. So I am forced to have her arrange a meeting that I am very reluctant to go to.

    So Emma, looks like you were right as usual.

    Posted 2 years ago by SylMiaFelixsMomma #

39. 

    I don't think you have anything to lose by meeting with this guy in the presence of management and HR. It is a way of mediating this so that both parties feel heard and understood, own their part of the conflict and, if appropriate, apologize for the impact their statements had on the other person. I say go for it and I hope that it clears the air so you are able to work in a more comfortable environment.

    {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #

40. 

    I would have the meeting with him & HR to set the record straight that you find his comments so offensive that it creates a "hostile work environment" and he must refrain in the future. Have HR give you a copy of the minutes. If he does it again you have documentation for a federal lawsuit against the company. Find another job ASAP is the best advice.

    Posted 2 years ago by Sheba's Mom in Phoenix, AZ 10/8 #

41. 

    Obviously you know your own work situation better than any of us, SMM, and also the personnel involved, but it does sound to an outsider as if she is at least taking your complaint seriously. But you know her, and if you feel she is making you pay, then you are probably right. As KW says, meet the nasty piece of work who made the comments, and give him your perspective (which I know you already have) but in the presence of others, so he won't feel quite so smug about it all. Be cool and in control. Good luck.

    Posted 2 years ago by eleniki #

42. 

    SMM, the HR rep is not ignoring you, but she is proposing a forum where you and the other employee can approach each other in front of witnesses and clear the air.

    This is a good thing. You don't have to go in with guns blazing.

    Just smile and explain that you really do love all animals and to hear about one being "put on a stick" after all the current news of animal abuse, especially cat abuse, just hit you very hard.

    Also, make sure that they all understand this is nothing personal against the clod. (Whether it is or not is not important. What is important is that you SAY that you are not taking this personally nor reacting to him personally.)

    It is simply that abuse of any kind is very upsetting, especially when presented as a joke.

    You have the opportunity to say to them all, "I don't joke about abuse. I have seen too much spousal abuse, child abuse, and animal abuse to be able to laugh at it, even though I am sure you never intended to offend me."

    This meeting is an excellent way of allowing the other employee to apologize for upsetting you. Then, you win.

    Or if he doesn't apologize for upsetting you, you win big. He is identified as a clod by the HR rep and the managers, as well as yourself.

    Hold your temper, and hold your head up. You will not be alone. We are all with you.

    And if you show yourself as a "team player" who just wants to get this put to rest, you look amazingly good and like someone the company wants to keep around for a LONG time.

    You will have NOTHING to lose by attending the meeting.

    And NEVER pass up the opportunity to look like a saint!

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

43. 

    Well said Emma. SMM, I prescribe some Mylanta 30 mins before (LOL), be as sweet as pie and take your TDK stone, we will all be there with you.
    Hugs.

    Posted 2 years ago by Tigerlilly #

44. 

    Even before reading your responses, I had already asked HR to go ahead and set up the meeting. If anything best to show HR that I can be a good employee and do what is suggested. I don't have a TDK stone. I do have a stone that my step-mom gave me that is a cat painted on a stone by a local artist. I will bring that with me.

    Posted 2 years ago by SylMiaFelixsMomma #

45. 

    Let us know when SMM, and we'll all be there with you !

    Posted 2 years ago by 2 Popoki #

46. 

    Thanks 2P. Feeling a bit blue with all of this. It is time to find a new job where I am at least a valued employee. When I worked at a physical therapy office as a fill in office manager, I actually enjoyed interacting with the patients. I was just doing a temporary holiday fill in as the permanent employee had broken her arm or leg (I forget). I was actually offered a permanent job in one of their other offices since they really liked how well I connected with the patients in only three weeks. I couldn't take it as it only paid $14/hr and that wasn't anywhere enough to live on. The only other job I truly enjoyed was retail selling Apple computers back in 1995. I really liked Apple computers and my boss said I was such an enthusiastic seller that he said I was warped but didn't mind as we made our sale requirements and we all got $400 bonuses at Christmas time. Unfortunately Apple wasn't doing well then so they laid off all the part-time people of which I was one of them.

    It is sad how the jobs we really like do not pay enough. So it to try to find a happy medium where one that pays decent and where one is valued. A cubic zirconian in the rough since we cannot obtain the diamond in this economy.

    Posted 2 years ago by SylMiaFelixsMomma #

47. 

    One question that I would specifically ask is what the jerks reasoning was to continue the comments when you asked that he refrain. Make him verbally justify himself infront of HR and the managers.

    Posted 2 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #

48. 

    I think jerks always continue the comments, especially when they realize they are in the wrong.

    The definition of a jerk is a foolish and inconsequential person. When a jerk says something very stupid or rude, he or she will instinctively try to pass it off as a joke, the truth, or something an ancient ancestor passed down to him or her. Consequently, the jerk is physically unable to shut up and/or apologize. To do so would diminish an already diminished person.

    I know about jerks. My ex was one. His jerk status kicked in after the wedding, and three years, one month, two weeks and four days later, I kicked him out.

    Pity jerks, and avoid them. They are the mental equivalent of the La Brea Tar Pits. Only not as much fun.

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

49. 

    How are you doing, honey? Has a date been set for the meeting?

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

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