Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs

31. 

    SAS, I'm so very sorry this happened to you. You have come to the right place for sympathy and support. We are a loving and authentic family here.

    Take care of *yourself* now, so you can write your poetry and take care of the mom and kittens that are left. They need your love more than ever.

    Accidents are mysterious, and they break our hearts. That's why the only way to cope with them is to let yourself grieve the kitty you lost and, at the same time, focus on the ones you still have.

    But guilt won't help the sweet kitten--she's already taken care of. Emma! Need your wisdom here!

    Posted 2 years ago by lisaeylau #

32. 

    Lol, your kitty/computer poem is spot-on! :)

    Posted 2 years ago by corzak #

33. 

    SAS, I love your poem about the kitty at the computer! My cats do that to me, just plant themselves between me and the keyboard and DARE me to do anything else but pet them of course ;o) I look forward to reading more poems from you and your mother, she sounds amazingly talented. I guess that is where you get your talent too. Have a great weekend my friend.

    Posted 2 years ago by Annie R #

34. 

    LOL! Loved Kitty's Lament! The haikus were both wonderful too. I can see where you get your talent from my friend. I attended several of the Renaissance Faires in N. Ca. when I was young and always loved them. Brought home many memories and much memorabilia from those visits. I hope your mom is able to correct her problem with sign in. Maybe she can go to her profile and change the password. Thanks for sharing more poetry....I love it.

    Posted 2 years ago by Karenopa #

35. 

    Hi, SAS. Welcome to the Daily Kitten! Although your sorrow and loss led you to this website, I suggest you make yourself at home here in our kitty-lovin' family. Think about a screen name that describes who you are--maybe "Kitty Poet?" :)

    I'm sorry for the tragic accident that took the life of one of your foster kittens. Bless you for offering them and their mom a loving home! I hope you get to keep one or more of them and that your resident cat warms up to them.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #

36. 

    ((((SAS)))), I understand your pain, I really do. I too stepped on a kitten a little over a year ago. I'd only had sweet little Persophone for 3 days, and she zipped right under my foot, and there was nothing I could do. It was tragic, and I beat myself up good for weeks after that, but I've since forgiven myself, because it was an accident. There's no reason to hate yourself because you were involved in an accident. Just part of life's experience that we have to learn from and move on.

    The other kitties aren't afraid of you because they know you have no ill intentions towards them. They will get over this, just like you will get over this. Give it time.

    Wishing you much peace and serenity.

    Posted 2 years ago by whistl #

37. 

    Whistl

    You and others like you who are relating their similar stories have done much to help me in releasing at least a small portion of the guilt I felt. It is still very raw as it was only the other day for me and I know the kitten faced much pain when she passed. The other kitties seem to miss her. When they come trotting into the roon, before I have time to think about it, I find myself inadvertently looking for the third kitten. This only happens for a second, I don't continue to look for her. In that split second of time it flashes home that she is gone, then the emotion returns of why she is gone, and although I know I shouldn't feel guilty, I still know it is my fault. I find myself apologizing to Mama and kittens and giving them little kisses. I trod much more carefully now and have promised them it will never happen again. I grew up with dozens of cats in my house all at the same time. Back then I never stepped on any of them. Before you beautiful people linked me to the the Rainbow Bridge poem, I had no idea of the poem's power. In fact, though I had heard the term before, I didn't even know it WAS a poem. Now, starangely enough in an email I sent to my mom the day before I read the poem, I told her that I hoped the kitten would see me in heaven come running up and tell me that she knew I loved her and didn't mean for this to happen and then let me give her a big hug. Almost the exact same sentiment of that wonderful poem. I hope to meet in heaven also the unknown author of that poem so that I can give that person a big hug too.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

38. 

    Whistl

    You and others like you who are relating their similar stories have done much to help me in releasing at least a small portion of the guilt I felt. It is still very raw as it was only the other day for me and I know the kitten faced much pain when she passed. The other kitties seem to miss her. When they come trotting into the roon, before I have time to think about it, I find myself inadvertently looking for the third kitten. This only happens for a second, I don't continue to look for her. In that split second of time it flashes home that she is gone, then the emotion returns of why she is gone, and although I know I shouldn't feel guilty, I still know it is my fault. I find myself apologizing to Mama and kittens and giving them little kisses. I trod much more carefully now and have promised them it will never happen again. I grew up with dozens of cats in my house all at the same time. Back then I never stepped on any of them. Before you beautiful people linked me to the the Rainbow Bridge poem, I had no idea of the poem's power. In fact, though I had heard the term before, I didn't even know it WAS a poem. Now, strangely enough in an email I sent to my mom the day before I read the poem, I told her that I hoped the kitten would see me in heaven come running up and tell me that she knew I loved her and didn't mean for this to happen and then let me give her a big hug. Almost the exact same sentiment of that wonderful poem. I hope to meet in heaven also the unknown author of that poem so that I can give that person a big hug too.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

39. 

    {{{SAS}}} Giving you another cyber-hug today.
    I had a terrible experience as well. Driving my truck, neighbor's cat, in front of neighbor's house. I can't go into much detail it's so painful and was 6 years ago right about this time, end of July. It was probably the most sickening and horrifying experience I've ever had. I drive on the road every day (we all live on dead end streets around here) and it's tougher when I walk down the street. The spot shines at me like a neon sign. Wish I knew TDK back then. Neighbors tried their best "up hill, blind spot, she ran in front of you, etc" but I still felt so guilty. She died in my arms within minutes.
    This is so raw for you, SAS, and I'm so very sorry.

    Posted 2 years ago by JoanfromNewJersey #

40. 

    Joan you have the added guilt of having to tell your neighbor what happened and then feeling their pain as well. That would make it so much worse for me as well, if I had to break another person's heart in this way. That double guilt is more than you should have had to handle. Now it is time for me to learn from the graciousness everyone here at TDK have expressed and the lesson I have learned is to tell you to not blame yourself. When I was just a mere little whelp and not an old man of fifty-one, a friend of mine's brother killed a liitle girl who came dashing into traffic while driving literally a block away from his house. No charges were ever filed and even the parents of the little girl didn't blame him as they saw the whole thing and knew their tiny little daughter of only three years of age was at fault as she ran straight from their front door right into the street. Their front door was almost flush up against the street and it only took a tiny bit of time for her to dash away right into traffic. Next door neighbors acted as witnesses that the little girl on her own escaped the front door and ran directly into traffic. I saw the house after the accident and immediately understood why the parents hadn't been charged with negligence. Whomever built that apartment complex however should have been informed of and forced to change the way they do business, understanding the dangerousness of having a front door mere inches away from one of our city's busiest streets and never desiging a building in that manner again.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

41. 

    S&S, the poems and the haikus are terrific; thank you for sharing them with us. I hope your mom is able to resolve her log-on problem here and join in; I'm not very 'puter savvy either, so I can't offer any help.

    However, if she could describe her problem in an email to you, perhaps you could start a thread on here for the kittenmaster (he runs this chat forum & the TDK site) with the email contents and maybe he could offer her some help....

    Posted 2 years ago by kittymom #

42. 

    I thought I was getting over this, but I just broke down again remembering the suffering of the little kitten. I didn't mean to do it; I was just walking when she dashed under my foot. I wished I had named her before this happened. Even more, I wish I could take back what happened. I would almost agree to take her place and go through what she had to endure, but then who would be here to take care of my cat family? I hope she forgives me. I'd better name the rest of my kittens right away. And as for Mama cat, she already knows her name is Mama for she runs to me when I call that name out, but when I call out my other cat's name Scooter she doesn't respond at all. I know I'll eventually get over this to a degree, but I think I'm going to carry around an inner sadness that I never had before. I've never been a depressed person, but now I sort of see what they go through. I couldn't imagine living like this forever.
    Kittymom, my mom didn't email me today, so I don't know if she tried to get on the website today or not. I emailed her, but she hasn't responded yet. She can't hear so a phone is not an option. She had one of those teletype phones for a while, but she said it had great difficulty translating what people were actually saying. I tried having a conversation with her on it before, but it got almost everything wrong that I was saying. Email is so much better and I'm sure my mom will get in touch with me soon. When she does, I'll post some more of her haiku poetry. Thank you again for the candle; it was so sweet of you to light it for the baby kitten. It hurts too much to think of a posthmous name for her; maybe she'll tell me what her name was all along when I see her in heaven.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

43. 

    I share the advice of everyone else here, but also I'd say look where you're going next time :(

    Posted 2 years ago by Nooby #

44. 

    Nooby, I think SAS has thought that to themselves over a million times in the last few days. Accidents happen, sad but true. Don't kick people when they're down, offer the support they need. There but for the Grace of God go most if not all of us.

    Posted 2 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #

45. 

    SaS, It comes in waves and like the tide the sudden overwhelming sorrow will ebb. It is said that all cats have a name and that they whisper it to us. When you are calmer. Think of the happy times and see if the kitten's name comes to you. It is not too late for you to think of the kitten by name rather than as a nameless sorrow.

    Posted 2 years ago by ailuromaniac #

46. 

    SAS, there isn't much that I can add that hasn't been said here. It was an accident but I know that doesn't lessen your pain. I agree that it is not too late to name this little one.

    And by the way, at 51 you are hardly an "old man"!!!!

    Posted 2 years ago by WillowandWindismom #

47. 

    Nooby said it. That is the reason I won't get over the guilt. It is my fault and nobody else's. I suppose that is what guilt is for, to make us not repeat the same mistake. Sharing my poems after this tragedy now seems like an inappropriate response to this whole mess. I think instead of trying to assuage my own guilt by merely talking about the worst thing I have ever experienced and seeking comfort for myself, I should instead seek out some volunteering opportunities and make someone's burded a little cumbersome in this world. My disability will not get in the way of this. It is much more understandable and easier to see how a person could accidentally hit a cat with a car than to walk in the dark of the outside and step on a poor kitten, no matter how he might be dashing around. I feel so stupid.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

48. 

    SAS, please don't keep beating yourself up over this. Sometimes the seemingly stupidest accidents have the most awful consequences. You came to this site looking for support, and I hope we helped. You found a group of like minded cat nuts and wanted to share your poetry, which we loved! You said yourself you've been isolated for a while, it's no wonder you eagerly opened up to us. Sure, go for the volunteering thing, it's another good way to get out and meet people, but don't deny yourself soemthing that gives you pleasure out of some disproportionate guilt. It was an accident. Grieve, but don't let this destroy you.

    Posted 2 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #

49. 

    Funny, it's the sweet heart-felt responses like the last one from matcatwoman that make me cry the most. I don't know why that should be. Maybe it's kind of a cathartic response, a release of sorts, a letting out of the poison from the wound that only the sweetest of polstices can produce. Thank you.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

50. 

    I think it's so great that you rached out. This was an accident and not your fault. There is great support here and I hope you are coping better. Your poems are great. Continue writing if it gives you relief which I'm sure it does. Know that you are doing your best and that's all anybody can do!!! I hope your heart is less heavy and know that you wanted the best for your animals, you never meant to hurt any being. It could have happened to anybody. Be strong, many people are in your cornr and with you in mind and spirit! Bless you :)

    Posted 2 years ago by cfreeborn #

51. 

    SAS I love your poetry and your mother's haiku is wonderful! And you can't say you are an old man at 51--I am 60 and I just say I am really 30 the second time around! So looking at it that way, you are really only 25 and1/2! Please keep coming here and sharing your thoughts. We are all kitty addicts here! I understand your sadness. We recently had to send our 18 yr old kitty, Redford, to the Rainbow Bridge. Sometimes I still cry because I miss him so much. It comes in waves and you will be sad at times for awhile, but eventually will only remember the good memories. You gave that kitty a happy life and lots of love, and now it is romping happily, strong and healthy up in the Bridge. Bet my Redford is showing him the ropes and all the neat places to stalk butterflies, too! Welcome to our family, SAS-glad you are here.

    Posted 2 years ago by rainingwolf #

52. 

    Thank you everyone for your compassion and comfort. I found it nowhere else like I have found it here. Right now I have been very busy getting my apartment ready for my annual Section 8 inspection, ( a government rent subsidy) so I have not had the time I would have wished to explore The Daily Kitten. Shampooing carpets, scrubbing walls and ceilings and doing many other jobs are the only things I've had time for lately. My inspection date is set for August 4, and the inspectors can be real taskmasters.

    My mom emailed me some more haiku and I'm including them here. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and I know my interest in poetry stems from her example. We both hope you enjoy them.

    2 soft warm kittens.
    8 little paws hide there, with
    36 sharp claws.

    Mycat made a nest
    She used my best sweater, and
    She purred with delight.

    Yellow butterfly
    And black cat, on a green field,
    Dancing, it's springtime!

    Mycat is thirsty
    She must choose: cool clear water,
    Or tasty fish bowl.

    Twisting and turning
    Mycat, leaping in the wind,
    Landing with her leaf.

    And I am also including a few more haiku from me:

    There's a cat in my lap:
    Softly kneading with her claws,
    She gently draws blood.

    Fancy feast only!
    Finnicky skid-row cat has
    Beverly Hills Taste!

    Ms. Braun's latest book
    "The cat who lost his meow",
    Is quiet reading.

    A cat's paw turns it on:
    Aquarium life becomes
    Cat television.

    My kitty attacks,
    Viciously mauling, shredding,
    A fierce paper bag.

    My mom introduced me to this poetic form and I'm grateful she did. She has TONS more, and I will post them as she sends them to me. One big difference between our poems is that my mom uses masterful calligraphy to illustrate her poems, while that skill is beyond me. Back to the grindstone: If my place is not perfect I can have serious problems with the Housing Authority. Wish me luck in getting everything done. And since I was two days in the hospital with bronchitis, I am somewhat behind in my duties. Again, God bless everyone who helped me to begin the healing process; without your loving help I don't know where I would be right now. My kitties will remain outside in our protected courtyard for the inspection since the inspector would almost certainly object to having two adult cats and two kittens in my apartment. That wouldn't be too hard for them to do: they object to almost everything and desperately search every year for new ways to make me lose this subsidy. Maybe this is more of a problem for California. Maybe this is their way to save the state money. It's getting harder and harder to jump through the hoops they set up as they keep raising them, but I've made it so far.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

53. 

    SAS, my name is Vicki, and I run the TDK Roller Rink. It is a virtual roller rink where you can send all your furbabies when you need to unwind or get homekeeping done or sometimes when one of our own goes to be with the Lord. I do skate parties, skate wakes, skate weddings (although no one has gotten married on TDK since I've opened the rink), and my cat Pumpkin is our resident DJ. Stop by some time; I'll always post special events.

    Posted 2 years ago by Vicki #

54. 

    SAS, it has been such fun reading the haiku! This one was my particular favorite, though -

    Ms. Braun's latest book
    "The cat who lost his meow",
    Is quiet reading.

    Please keep them coming!

    Posted 2 years ago by WillowandWindismom #

55. 

    Hahahh...I loved that one too! Hi SAS...sounds like you're getting your place in fine order for the housing authority. I agree...the hoops are brutal, even cruel in some aspects. Hang in there and check in with us when you can. =)

    Posted 2 years ago by Karenopa #

56. 

    S&S, all fingers and paws crossed here, hoping you pass your annual Section 8 inspection with flying colors!!

    Posted 2 years ago by kittymom #

57. 

    Best of luck with your inspection SAS, I'm sure you will pass with all the hard work you are doing! Let us know how it turns out.

    Posted 2 years ago by Annie R #

58. 

    To all who are in my corner; thank you. Sir Isaack Newton's law of equal and opposite reaction occurs in the spiritual realm as well as the physical; the good energy you put out will return directly to you. As far as my inspection is concerned, the portion of things I'm responsible for should pass, but (like usual) my landlord will wait to fix the only thing I see wrong here (garbage disposal) after my apartment fails the first inspection and it is the bleeping day before the follow up inspection in two weeks time.

    A little background on my cat Scooter who was here before Mama and babies: He also was an abandoned kitten, locked in an apartment in my complex and meowing his head off when his owners never came back. This was close to ten years ago. Since they didn't return their keys we couldn't open the door, so I gave food and water to the kitten through a small opening in their window. During one of his feedings I gently grabbed his little paws and pulled him through the security bars on his window. He's been with me ever since. Well over 6 months later, the woman who used to own him came to our complex and told me that her boyfriend had gone to jail and that she had gone home to her mother. She asked for the cat back but had no good reason why she didn't take the kitten with her initially and left it there in all probablity to die, so I refused.
    After my cat had been with me for about 5 years he disappeared one day. I looked all over for him and was told by my apartment manager that two people had confided in him that our new landlord who had just purchased the building from the previous owner had gone around the property picking up about 3 or 4 cats and putting them in his car. One of the other cats belonged to the manager. I was told that the other cats had escaped through the car window, but my cat had not and the new owner drove away with my cat in his car. When I asked the owner of his involvement, he denied it and said he knew nothing about it. I searched every day for my cat for weeks and went to many animal shelters in futile search. About 2 months later my cat dashed into my apartment. I was thrilled, but he couldn't tell me where he had been or what had happened, but he was now a scrawny cat. I'm pretty sure our owner dumped him far from my apartment and it took him that length of time to find his way home. Now he's very plump in comparison. I told the owner my cat had returned and I showed him Scooter so he would not mistake him for a stray and try to take him again. You can see by this story that I am still unsure if he'll let me keep the cats or not. I mostly keep them quietly inside, but they do like to go into the courtyard during the heat of the day. I keep watch over them, of course and make sure he's not around when I let them out.

    Now about my poetry: I had a poetry inspector who gave me two A's on two English sonnets I wrote in his class at Fresno City College in 1995. The thing is he shouldn't have given me those two A's. I had not written them with Iambic pentameter, which is a rhythm that goes: da DUM, da DUM, da Dum da Dum da DUM. (Example from first line of shakespearean sonnet: From Fairest Creatures We Deisre Increase) I had written them with a 4/4 beat which is incorrect. Later, I penned dozens more, repeating this rhythmical error. Now I have many poems that I was once proud of and thought were gems that are actually more akin to costume jewelry. I'm including of one of these poems, which is amongst a group of poems that should either be re-written or discarded. Too hard a job to re-write them. I thought I would simply lable these poems Flawed Gems and be done with it.

    Your Eyes
    Your eyes sparkle, they shine and they glimmer
    Much brighter than any stars in the sky.
    But while heavenly stars shall grow dimmer,
    The brightness of your spirit shall never die.
    Like pools of water you eyes are so deep:
    Twin mountain springs that will never run dry.
    Alive in waking and charming in sleep,
    Still beautiful though you've had a good cry.
    But you were not meant, my love, to shed tears.
    Though they may give your eyes a special shine,
    You've been crying now for too many years
    And you're wasting much valuable time.
    So now it is time for your tears to end;
    Your eyes will still brightly shimmer, my friend.

    How I am to re-write something like this or my other poems I once thought perfect is beyond me.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

59. 

    To all who have responded to my tragedy: Thank you so much for your support. I still miss the kitten, but I am healing. I actually went through the day without crying. I have to say that I haven't cried in sadness like this since I was very young. Even on some very sad occasions in my life I have felt very bad, but not to the point of tears. I often cry at happy moments in films and such, but never at the sad ones. I think it is the guilt that broke me down, but I am letting go because I have to be strong for my cat family. My apartment is ready for inspection tomorrow and everything is done, even the landlord's portion! Thanks for everyone's support.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitty poet #

60. 

    I'm glad you're feeling better, SS, and hope the hurt will gradually go. Good luck with the apartment inspection!

    Posted 2 years ago by jcat #

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