Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs

1. 

   ........

   I am crying so much my chest hurts. I rang the vets and had a go at him asking if he was a real vet, and that I couldn't watch my baby die. Its so hard to type this....

   Got him to meet us at the surgery anyhow. It turns out, he had aspirated some formula and it was in his lungs. I failed him so bad guys - I'm so shit... Anyhow he was getting pneumonia so the vet offered some more antibiotics.

   I said to Luke 'he was given antibiotics yesterday, if they ain't helping him these probably won't and he will only suffer' Luke AND the vet agreed. We had a talk that seemed to last for hours, I couldn't watch him suffer anymore and die like Missy did.. I said to Luke 'Maybe , it will be better if we put him to sleep' and Luke said he was thinking the same thing.... So I asked the vet if we could put him to sleep and he said yes, got this needle full of blue stuff and told us that he will go to sleep once he injected this into his tummy...
   Luke ran off to the waiting room sobbing, I stayed with my baby and he actually looked at me, so I cuddled him and said sorry. And stroked him until he went to sleep, which was surprisingly quick.

   And so we came home with Binx wrapped up in his fleece...
   I love him so much and this stings so bad, being so soon after his sister and he was doing so well... Omg I can't stop crying every muscle hurts. I'm sorry you guys had to hear about everything but I was so proud of my baby boy. I don't think I will ever hand rear a kitten again I obviously can't help them...

   Anyhow that's why I wasn't replying - sorry.

   Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

2. 

   So, so sorry to hear this. RIP tiny boy.

   Posted 2 years ago by Dee #

3. 

   (((((((hugs)))))) you didn't fail him you gave him every chance you could and you gave him love. And you let him go rather than let him suffer. Most of us have had to make that decision and its a hard one but please don't beat yourself up over it. Just think that little Binx is reunited with his sister and they are playing and happy.

   Posted 2 years ago by Cat talk rules #

4. 

   Sins - Jade - you have NOTHING to apologise for, not to us, and not to Binx. You gave him - and his sister a chance, a chance they wouldn't have had without you. I know this is hurting very badly, but please don't berate yourself. You were and are a GREAT mum. Binx is now happily playing at Rainbow Bridge with Missy.

   {{{HUGS}}}

   Posted 2 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #

5. 

   I'm so sorry Jade & Luke for losing Binx. He's in a painless wonderful place where Missy will welcome him into everlasting peace and joy. It's natural to feel responsible when we lose our babies but Jade MCW is right...you've both done all you could do for these little newborns. Kittens this young are very hard to save..even for the professionals. God Bless you for all you do for your kitties! You're a good mom. (((Jade,Luke,Binx)))

   Posted 2 years ago by Karenopa #

6. 

   OMG! Jade, my heart breaks reading this! You poor things! I can't imagine the pain you are in. I am praying that God relieves you two of your pain. Know you were good parents to Binx AND Missy. They are both very happy at the bridge and it hurts them to see you hurt. Please let all the tears out, but know we all understand and love you guys here. Hugs to you and Luke!

   Posted 2 years ago by mollycat71 #

7. 

   This hurts so bad MCW I mean really really hurts, I do appreciate all your kind words everyone but my god it hurts so bad I really can't stop crying...

   Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

8. 

   MC I really wouldn't wish this pain on anyone - I actually can't bare it I love him so much....

   Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

9. 

   Cry away, it's much better than bottling it up. Cry with Luke, don't shut each other out. Cry with your cats - they'll bring you great comfort, and show you time and time again that you are a good mum. And cry with us - I've lost cats, but even so can't imagine the pain of losing one I'd hand reared, as I've never done that - so let it all out Jade, and know we're right there with you.

   Posted 2 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #

10. 

    I thought he was going to grow up and be our boy forever, but I obviously wasn't good enough for him...

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

11. 

    We know how you feel honey...You go ahead and have a good cry. We're crying with you and then when you're done crying you'll realize that you DID do everything you could and that those two little kitties felt your love and joy and that is such a wonderful way to live a short little life. Feeling safe and loved. (((Jade)))

    Posted 2 years ago by Karenopa #

12. 

    But Karen it felt so wrong he wobbled his head up to look at me as soon as I asked about putting him to sleep... What was he telling me? Was he angry I asked?

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

13. 

    MCW thank you - I feel like running up the M1 and getting a cuddle from you. Its strange everyone has hugged me in the family but it feels artificial, apart from Luke. But It just feels like I want support out of family and fiance, someone who ... I really don't know what I am trying to say..

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

14. 

    Or was he saying "it's OK Mum, I'll be with Missy, you can let me go"?

    Please don't torture yourself Jade - you did the only thing, the kindest thing you could have done.

    Posted 2 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #

15. 

    Maybe he was assuring me, maybe the moment made it feel guilty.. I've never had to make that decision.. My mum used to with my old cats, when I was really young - but that's the first time I've done it...

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

16. 

    Jade, I have had to put 3 cats to sleep. I do know your pain. You have done the most selfless thing a pet parent can do. It is very very hard. Those kitties get into our hearts and make a spot there. Binx loves you and will let you know in some way that it is ok you let him go home to God

    Posted 2 years ago by mollycat71 #

17. 

    Oh Sins...OMG..I am so sorry. I know the pain, the hurt and the loss you feel over Binx. He was such a special baby. You need to cry to let out the grief. I know I did for months after I put my kitty to sleep. You have to know, you gave him love and he knew that and that is more than he might have ever had without you. We are crying with you and know that we are with you through this difficult time. Sending you and Luke lots of hugs over that big ocean. I am so sorry.

    Posted 2 years ago by cricketsmama #

18. 

    Oh no.... Jade, I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say. You did the the best you could.. and sometimes the best we can do is to let go.

    You and Luke have been such good parents to these babies. They both know you love them so very much. They are together in a beautiful place... I know this isn't much comfort when you want so badly for them to be together with you. But they are okay... and this separation is only temporary. You will see your babies again someday.

    For now, just take the time to let your heart heal. You have given so much to Missy and Binx, and everything you did.. all of that love you gave was not for nothing. Those little babies had so much love given to them in their short lives...they were so blessed to have you and Luke. That kind of love does not die just because they had to move on to the next part of life.

    *hugs*

    Posted 2 years ago by owlwatcher_974 #

19. 

    Thanks guys, I'm slowly calming down a bit. I think I know that he knew I love him - its just I can't show him love anymore that's the painful bit. Although to lighten the mood I tried a little joke which was 'Now what the hell am I going to do with that scary duck?' we got Binx a duck when we lost Missy so he could cuddle it, and it really is scary looking...

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

20. 

    Thank you so much OW. I hope he really did know how much we love him.

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

21. 

    Sins, you are such a special person, part of our "family" here. We all love you guys and are here for you. Please keep posting for us to know what is going on with you and to comment on things.

    Posted 2 years ago by mollycat71 #

22. 

    You guys have been such a influence on me and Luke. And I feel attached to you guys, I'm going no where - anyhow I still have cats, I know the reason that bought me here was Missy and Binx - but like I said we still have other kitties.

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

23. 

    Dammit, I've got to head for bed now, have to be up in the morning for church, I'm mean to be leading prayers - I shall be saying one of my own for you, Luke, Binx and Missy.

    {{{hugs}}}

    Posted 2 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #

24. 

    Thanks MCW, and thank you for all the support you have given me. Night night hun sweet dreams.

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

25. 

    That's right MCW...Jade, Binx was giving you permission. You truly couldn't have done more to love and care for him. Please stop blaming yourself. =( Pleasant dreams MCW.

    Posted 2 years ago by Karenopa #

26. 

    Goodnite MCW, prayers all around for Jade, Luke, Missy and Binx!

    Posted 2 years ago by mollycat71 #

27. 

    I love him so much Karen, it took me like 30mins to type the first post on this thread, I kept stopping and crying and he is my Son, and he was blooming into such a beautiful boy - and now suddenly, after doing so well - he's gone - and even though the vet assured me it was a common thing with hand reared kittens, it still seems wrong .. if you get me..

    Posted 2 years ago by Sinspearian #

28. 

    I just want to come and hug you guys and cry with you!

    Posted 2 years ago by mollycat71 #

29. 

    I'm so sorry Sins and Luke,I have hand raised baby cats and had them go bad for no discernible reason. Some kittens are just too tiny and too sick to live very long and it's so sad. You did nothing wrong hon. Grieve and be gentle with yourself.
    [[[[[[[Hugs]]]]]]]]

    Posted 2 years ago by Buttercup #

30. 

    Don't blame yourself SINSPEARIAN. Kittens are so very fragile. You gave Binx and Missy what ther feral mom could not, a chance at life. And you gave them what many wild born kittens do not get, love and comfort.

    Take time to grieve your losses then wait for Binx and Missy to lead other little souls to your loving embrace. They may or may not be so young but they will need you and help you to heal regardless of their age.

    http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=TDK

    Posted 2 years ago by ailuromaniac #

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