Hello everyone!
This is my first post :]. I hope this doesn't come out as a rant more than me seeking advice on how to move on from the lost of my 1 year old Tuxedo Male cat.
Well where do I start.... So I am a college student who lived on a on campus apartment housing last year. After moving out of the tiny dorms, I wanted to get a pet so bad because I was deprived all my life at home with my strict and OCD parents. I had volunteered in shelters all my high school years to satisfied my love for animals (especially dogs back then). I was not allowed to have pets at the on campus apartments, though all the college kids snuck around it and made pacts with the Resident Advisor who were usually our friends or classmates. I contacted a saint (I wonder if anyone knows her, Her name is Judy S. Taylor and she's from Long Beach) who rescues too young to adopt out litters of kitten that are about to be euthanize right away. And she brought me a litter and one active and stumpy short hair tuxedo kitten caught my heart and I chose him despite having all these girly ideas in my head about how I wanted a fancy long hair persian looking kitten. All my friends thought I was going to eventually get rid of the kitten after he stop being kitten cute or once I moved into another place. But I became the best human friend I could be. I bought an automatic feeder for Pepper (his name) so that he would be fed while I was in class, and he had so many toys and beds. He was neutered when he was supposed to be and was UTD on shots. He was fed clean raw tuna (I asked my Vet what kind was ok to fed him) every week because I always made sushi. He was kept indoors and the Housing people never complained. When it was time to move out of the apartments and into a new place, I chose to move into a house that allowed pets that was 3 miles away from my University. I don't drive and rely on people to give me rides to the Vet. At my new house, I have to take the bus for 30 minutes each way to school.
The new roommates I chose to live with for my last year of college turned out to be extreme slobs and ignorant. One couple that shares the master bedroom has a black female cat that I was so excited for my friendly sweet boy to be friends with. It was only when I moved into the house the first day that I learned that they did not believe in spaying their cat (because they believed that they shouldn't play "God" and take her freedom and right away), they also have never given their cat shots even though it was almost a year old and in heat. They also let the cat outside with the backyard door open, against my will since I wanted Pepper to be an indoors cat. The black cat (who got pregnant and just had 6 kittens) was very sassy (violently evil actually) to Peps and he always hid after failing to befriend her. When I was at school one day, the back screen doors were open and when I came home Pepper was gone. I looked everywhere for him and posted signs. Its been over 4 weeks and I still check all the local shelter and keep reposting signs that have blown away and placing Lost ad's on craiglist letting people know that there is a reward. My roomates never apologized and would say such things as "He's a goner by now haha" which makes my life living here a hell that I cannot escape because my name is signed on the house's lease. I don't blame my roommates, I blame myself for all this mess of choosing to live with these classmates I did not know very well and thinking they would listen to a simple request to keep the doors shut. The worst is that I still take the bus everyday to school and walk and bus back to a empty room. I keep crying when I think about him. Its the worst feeling not knowing what he's doing or where he is. I wouldn't mind if someone had him and was taking good care of him. But what am I to do with shadowy thoughts of him possibly being hurt or dead? He's definitely not at any of the shelters within a 20 mile radius. I don't know where he is and I just want him back or closure. And as the days goes by I know I won't have him back, but there is no certainty of his status to have closure to even move on.
My boyfriend loved Pepper too, and my old roommates who lived with him for a year are completely heartbroken also. Pepper used to head butt everyone, open doors and wake you up on time for class. My boyfriend took me to get a new kitten yesterday from Judy ( another kitten saved yay!) , I was reluctant but confused on what I needed to be happy again. I almost got a tuxedo kitten just because I think that they stereotypical are so awesome ( always dressed to impress!), but luckily I didn't because I would have probably reincarnated Pepper into him in my head. I got a sweet male tabby that is absolutely in love with my Boyfriend (who doesn't live with me), and I can't seem to bond with him very well. Its hard to show absolute love to this new kitten when I just want Pepper. I still will take care of this new kitten and love it forever, but I feel so guilty right now. Help!
