Sorry, I know I come here often to ask but my Dad is on hospice now as you probably know. Putting him on hospice was timely because he was getting too weak to walk and they are providing support and meds. I tried not to tell him he was on hospice,I just couldn't but he knows. He asked Mom if this was going to be the place? She answered the "the place? He answers "Yes the place we stay until the hereafter..." We were both kind of shocked but Dad was smiling and looking at her. "Ugh".My heart hurts.
So I used the lift to get him to his living room chair so they could sit together. He looks much better but it's obvious that he is much weaker. Intellectually I know but in my heart I'm almost screaming this can't be happening! I'm glad he's here with us,I have to watch Mom as she is skipping meals and she gets really frantic when he's upset so I help him first and then sit her down with a drink and tell her to keep her feet up,she's still wearing a brace from breaking her foot.
I guess I'm rambling but I would appreciate any prayers and positive thoughts for us all. Thanks again.
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Back for those wonderful TDK prayers and comfort
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You, your dad, and your mom are in my prayers. *hugs*
Posted 2 years ago by owlwatcher_974 #
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Buttercup, you ramble all you need to right now. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders, trying to be strong for both your mom and dad gives you no time or place for your own feelings. Please keep one eye on yourself and your health during this time. Prayers for all of you will be said without having to ask. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you but know you're not alone.
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Hospice is -wonderful-. They take care of the patient AND the family. If you're offered comfort or counseling, TAKE IT, these people are even more compassionate than people who adopt baby kitties :-) Tell them about your mom forgetting to eat, they will help her and they will help you too.
You are so fortunate to have hospice during this time of transition for your father. My mother-in-law is fading away too, but she's being cared for at home by my sister-in-law, who lives in the same house. It's very very difficult for any of us to watch our parents get weak and die, we have always viewed them as the strong rocks for us ever since we were wee ones ourselves.
Rest assured that you are NOT alone..... we are here when you need us, and so are the hospice workers.
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((BC)) My thoughts echo Siobhan...we are here, you are not alone, ramble all you want and use the hospice people too, they are wonderful. My mom had them too the last 4 months of her life.
Posted 2 years ago by cricketsmama #
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Oh Marsha you do not ramble...we love to hear how your folks are doing and worry about them and you. It must be so hard to watch this happening with your parents and I say God Bless you for being there for them. It truly is hard and I'm so glad that hospice is helping to ease your pain and help with your dad. I brought my mother home from the hospital when she was dieing from lung cancer and hospice was there the day she arrived home in an ambulance but my dear mother didn't live through the first night home. Hospice was very helpful and re-assuring for us though. I bet the lift helps alot in mobilizing your father. Whew! Prayers to you and parents for strength and courage. (((Marsha)))(((Parents)))
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BC, many, many, many prayers to you and your family. Hospice is just delightful. They do provide care for both the patient AND family just as Sio mentioned. They are some of the strongest most caring people I have ever met in my twenty years in healthcare. Please don't be afraid to come here to share, rant, vent, cry or just ask for hugs. Goodness knows I feel like I have long since sapped up my supply of TDK goodwill but everyone always digs a little deeper and there is always more hugs and love and prayers to share! (((BC)))
Posted 2 years ago by mollycat71 #
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{{{hugs}}}
Posted 2 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #
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Buttercup, you have my very special prayers for your father, your mom and of course for you. I have to tell you that I think it is important that your father know that he is receiving hospice care. I always wanted my patients to know. But it is equally important that he understand that hospice care does not mean that his passing is imminent. It means only that they are there for supportive and comfort care, and to help your mom and you as well. One thing that I have found to be true, though. When a patient is placed on hospice care, it tends to open up those lines of communication. In so many ways, the time on hospice is a gift. It is time for you to tell him everything that you want to tell him, and for him to do the same. My mother was killed in an accident and I never got to say goodbye. So take advantage of this time to say all the things that you might not say just on a day to day basis.
We never want for those we love to leave us. Of course you are sad and wishing that this wasn't happening. But you have done a wonderful thing by calling in hospice so that they can help all of you. This is a part of the cycle of life.
Many hugs and prayers.
Posted 2 years ago by WillowandWindismom #
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I really appreciate what you said WWM,I have been talking to Dad when he is awake which isn't often.
This is so difficult,Dad now has a droopy left eye and left side of his mouth which he has never had before. He is still awake and responding. A VNA nurse is coming to see him but?. It's not like he's going to the hospital for clot busting drugs. I'm about to scream or something. -
You do whatever you need to do, BC. This is so hard on you as well. Just know we are here, we love you, and you can vent, scream cry or sit quietly and listen for the Spirit. There is no set rule-it is what YOU need. Your entire family has my prayers.
Posted 2 years ago by rainingwolf #
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BC, I am so sorry. I have walked that mile in your shoes. The 10 year anniversary of my dad's passing was August 13. He too was brought home with the help of hospice and I consider it a blessing that he died at home with my mom holding his hand. I know how hard it is to be a daddy's girl and watch your daddy get weaker and weaker and know that there is nothing that can be done. Please look after your mama. You said she is skipping meals. consider bringing in a bunch of ensure or boost and protein bars so she can get adequate nutrition without having to leave your dad much. thise things can see her through. Since you know what is to come with a certainty, make as many arrangements as you can now, like finding favorite pictures and having them in one place. The more you can do now, the less you have to think about later. You are in my prayers and I am sending you lots of hugs. Prayers for your mom and dad as well.
Posted 2 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #
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Thank you,I feel a little more in control now,Dad seems "normal" other than the drooping. Chester is following me everywhere and I mean everywhere. He seems to anticipate my direction and is near me purring up a storm. Bobbie cat is always hiding lately,I'm her second owner,her first died of a cerebral aneurysm.Thanks for listening and letting me ramble on my family. [[[[Hugs back]]]]
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{{{{{Marsha}}}}} Oh my dear, I offer prayers for you, for your dad and for your mom. I know how hard it is to watch. Try to take care of yourself during this time. Know how loved and supported you are here. You are wonderful and beautiful and kind and strong. Peace to you.
Posted 2 years ago by Jetta and Boo Boo's Mom #
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I know this is such a hard time Marsha. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could have been with my father when he fell ill suddenly and passed. We didn't live near to one another and now I'm sorry for the time I didn't have. Make the best of your time. Sending my thoughts and prayers for you and your mother during this, one of the toughest of times, in your lives. (((Marsha)))(((Mother)))
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Don't apologize for asking for help or rambling. Our family needs to know how we all are and when we need help, we ask. I am sorry for you family's difficult time and understand how you feel. I will say a prayer for you all and keep you in my prayers daily. Having lost both of my parents, I know how difficult this is for you. Know that we care and are here to support you during this time.
Just ask if you need us, we are here. With love, Mama Lynn
Posted 2 years ago by Lynn from PA 6/8 #
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Thanks to all so much again,I can't begin to express how much your support means to me.
I think my Dad is trying to bring up the subject of death now. Being "on" as a nurse I kind of "made light" of his talk(and regretted it immediately) and as the head of household keeping it together I didn't want to open up for that huge amount of pain because I'm afraid it will incapacitate me with grief,like KyKat said "I know how hard it is to be a daddy's girl and watch your daddy get weaker and weaker and know that there is nothing that can be done."
I'm on a new antidepressant that makes me numb if I want it to then I have meds that make me sleep so I've either been "on",numb or asleep and his death is going to hit me so hard.
Thanks for letting me talk here -
I am offering prayers for you, your mom and your dad, BC. Feel free to come to TDK any time. I never had the chance to say 'goodbye' to my dad -- he died in an accident when I was two. And my mom, my best friend, faded rapidly 19 years ago. Many of us know how hard it is to lose one parent or both and the well at TDK never runs dry. {{{{{Buttercup & family}}}}}
Posted 2 years ago by GizzysAuntie #
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