Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs

1. 

   Saw a counselor at the DVPA this afternoon. Was mostly my telling her how I feel and how I got that way and her telling me why I shouldn't feel that way. Ended with a plan for me to see the lawyer I intend to retain for one more consultation before making the final decision to file; get him up to date, make sure he still has time to take my case, see if his fee is still the same. That will happen in October, when I have the money to pay for the appointment myself.

   H. made himself an appointment with a private psychiatrist for Oct. 15. He's been trying to get in touch with his therapist for about 2 weeks--her phone number connects to her confidential voice mail, and she has no office staff--but hasn't heard back from her.

   H.'s birthday was yesterday, and was quite a letdown. After I brought him the ice cream cake and pizza he requested, he decided he was too tired to celebrate. Ate some of the cake, that was all. Watched TV. Didn't even open my card, with a money gift in it that he also requested.

   I do better focusing on just the next step, rather than the whole panorama. Next step was my meeting at the DVPA today. Now it's my appointment with the lawyer.

   Posted 2 years ago by Leeny #

2. 

   Keep moving forward Leeny. Frankly, I'm not real impressed with the DVPA counselor. What counselor tells you your feelings are 'wrong' ???? Stay strong, my friend. One step at a time and you will be free and on your own.

   Posted 2 years ago by 2 Popoki #

3. 

   Oh Leeny, I am sorry things are frustrating for you. I don't think a counselor should be telling you that you shouldn't be feeling that way but instead should focus on how to help you. As for H., it is sad he couldn't at least be considerate of the fact that you took the time to purchase what he wanted and got him a card with money in it. If you can get a chance, swipe the card back and spend the money yourself. Hugs to you. I know you will get through this all. Take care of yourself. One step at a time is a good way to approach it all.

   Posted 2 years ago by SylMiaFelixMomma #

4. 

   Divorce and "The Andromeda Strain":

   For those who haven't read it, the relevant parts of "The Andromeda Strain" are as follows:

   A capsule shot into space comes back with a germ on it that kills all but two people in a small, remote town in Arizona. The capsule is taken to a secret underground lab in Nevada so four scientists can study the germ. There's an atom bomb under the lab that will go off automatically if the germ contaminates the lab. One scientist has a key that will keep the bomb from detonating if he puts the key into one of several lock boxes and turns it.

   Germ coming to earth = H. pushing me
   Underground lab = my conditions for staying married to him
   Contamination = noncompliance with those conditions, which has happened
   Automatic detonation of atom bomb = divorce

   H. is the guy with the key. In the book, because of where he is when contamination happens, the guy with the key has to go through several difficult obstacles to prevent the bomb blast (which they have discovered will only cause the germ to spread further). Because of where H. is, he has obstacles to get through to stop the detonation. I'm not sure he has the will to get through them.

   Obstacle 1: Realizing that other people have feelings, rights, and needs, and that these sometimes come before your own. Most people start learning this around the age of 2 years.

   Obstacle 2: Realizing that you are an adult, responsible for yourself and your own life. H. has never been declared incompetent, so this is his status, legally and socially. Most people start learning this around the age of 18 years.

   The atom bomb has been detonated, and it's ticking. The guy with the key is just standing around.

   Posted 2 years ago by Leeny #

5. 

   Don't spend another moment concerning yourself with H and whether or not he will overcome these obstacles. You hold the key to your freedom. Get away and don't look back. You are overdue on having a peaceful life. {{{hugs}}}

   Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #

6. 

   I agree with KW, you need to go now and Now move forward with your life. He will not overcome his obstacles and you must move forward with your life. I know this is hard, but your future life will be harder if you continue in this path. I wish you the best. (many HUGS to you)

   Posted 2 years ago by Lynn from PA 6/8 #

7. 

   Leeny he will always be needy. Do you want to fill the spot for him for the rest of your life? He is incapable or unwilling to even attempt to be a husband to you and show you respect and support. I pray that you listen to the many that care about you--please lose the albatross from around your neck! You are worth so much more and deserve happiness.

   Posted 2 years ago by SoxsMom #

8. 

   Leeny, if you're in doubt as to what you need to be doing, please go back and reread your threads from a year ago. Ask yourself, "Has anything changed?"
   "What will happen if I continue to stay in this relationship?"

   I know that change is difficult, but you'll be amazed when you look back and then wonder yourself as to why you waited so long. Please start putting yourself first.

   Posted 2 years ago by FondaHonda #

9. 

   At the DVPA, they gave me an Abuse Assessment checklist to take with me and complete, to help me see the answer to my question, "Is this really abuse?" It's divided into four categories of abuse, and I checked at least one action in each category. In the Emotional Abuse category, I checked 10 of the 19 actions listed.

   I know what has to be done, littermates, and I'm doing it. It's just a long way to go from "divorce is not an option", my attitude before we got married, to "I'm going to file next month."

   Posted 2 years ago by Leeny #

10. 

    [[[[Leeny]]]]]

    Posted 2 years ago by Buttercup #

11. 

    ((Leeny)) Yes, it's a long road - but yours has been filled with pot holes and gun fire. The road has come to an end. The steps are not easy ones... but you can take them. We're here for you.

    I was married (the 2nd time) for over 20 years. It took me a long time to get the courage to leave an alcoholic who was great had handing out emotional and intellectual abuse. It was hard - I left my two teenage boys with him - and it was scary... but it was absolutely necessary. And I certainly did not have the kind of support behind me that you have here.

    Posted 2 years ago by 2 Popoki #

12. 

    My first marriage, to an abusive and narcissistic jerk, detonated after three years, one month, two weeks and four days -- but who's counting?

    Looking back, I was lucky to get out alive and sane.

    You've tried everything, and you can't save H. H has to save himself; it's what we all have to do.

    And he will either grow up or he won't.

    To wait around for positive results from someone who is the emotional equivalent of the La Brea tarpits is an exercise in futility, and a waste of precious time.

    If you knew you were going to live forever, you could stick around and put up with this.

    But you don't.

    And you can't.

    Please take all the steps you need to free yourself from this individual. He will only take you down with him.

    We love you too much for that to happen.

    And you remain in my constant prayers!

    Much love,
    Emma

    Posted 2 years ago by Emma #

13. 

    I agree...it is your time now! Time to take care of yourself first: emotionally, physically & financially! You deserve alot better of a life than you've recently experienced...you owe it to yourself! You can do it and will!

    Posted 2 years ago by jeankit #

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