Has anyone up and moved across the country? Help please?

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Has anyone up and moved across the country? Help please?

(33 posts)

Started 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin
Latest reply from MouchoisMelvin

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Well, after a very expensive trip to Oregon to visit my son, my boyfriend and I have finally made the difficult decision that moving there would be for the best.

I originally moved to Florida in order to look for work (Klamath Falls' unemployment rate is through the roof). Before I was living with my grandmother trying to help her around the house during her surgery. I felt that the move was necessary to raise my son the right way and not depend on welfare (I've never collected welfare and probably never could.) and be able to bring my boy up the right way. There was a problem... Ryan's dad is very overbearing (we divorced due to this fact) and I knew that things would be harder for Ryan if I tried to take him with me because his entire family is in Klamath (his grandparents, his uncles, aunts, etc). I felt that I would try and get a job and make a good life THEN work on getting Ryan to me. Ryan's dad was very nice about this and even encouraging, telling me that any time I came to visit he would bring Ryan over. I trusted this and made my way out.

Well, in our last visit, Ryan's dad told me that he had planned on going to Portland to visit with his grandmother during my time there. So I told him it would be fine if he took Ryan to see his great grandma for her supposed 80th birthday. Turns out that Ryan's dad was lying to me and ended up staying home, letting the kids camp outside as a "vacation" (Ryan told me all of this). Not only that, his dad served me with papers, threatening to take Ryan away from me. The worst part is... Ryan's father is jobless as well, has four more kids living with him, and tells Ryan to call his current wife mom. We also have a feeling that he is saying all kinds of bad things about me to Ryan.

So now I was faced with a choice... Give Ryan's dad custody or leave everything behind and go back to jobless Oregon. Thankfully I found a boyfriend that is heartbreakingly kind. Eric (my boyfriend) told me that he would come with me. He recently was laid off from his job and had several interviews for a new job in the IT field, but I guess behind my back he was looking for jobs in Oregon. So I could be with my boy! So now we are planning on moving across the country to fight for custody . But there's a problem...

We're outrageously low on money. So here's my question for you TDKers... Do any of you know some cheap moving companies? Any help or input at all would be great. I'm planning on having a raffle here soon on my blog to raise money so that all of us can get up and go before the trial (October 15th). What do you all think?

Basically, once we get out there we are going to be staying in my mother's rental house and cleaning it up in return of rent while Eric finds a job (thankfully his field has plenty of opportunities). We're just really worried about getting there.

HELP!!!

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
MM - my heart just aches for you. I wish Dasiy Mew was still posting - she recently moved from Illinois to Idaho on her own, with 2 small boys and 2 cats. I think she rented a U-Haul, but now I don't recall if she rented a trailer to pull behind her car, or a truck and towed her car.

I wish I had more help for you... I can only send you positive energies and strength to do what you feel is right. (((MM)))

Posted 2 years ago by 2 Popoki #
MM Well there are many ways to go about it, but I think your best bet would be renting a UHaul..you can tow your car behind they have all the equipment you need...I'm very sorry that you have to pick up and move,but I totally understand why...how wonderful of Eric to be so supportive for you!!! Please let me know when the raffle is coming up!

Posted 2 years ago by 2bpurring #
Positive energy is DEFINITELY needed. Thank you so much.
Also, we looked up how much a rental truck would be and it's nearly $2000 with out gas. Gas is estimated at around $500 for a truck like that, so we're just trying to sell everything but we're having a terrible time doing so. Thankfully we don't have too much stuff, but still, it's stressful as can be.

Also, for those of you that are wondering... Of course we are taking Melvin with us! I wouldn't leave him for the world. I'm just worried about how he'll be on the trip and trying to talk Eric into getting him a buddy for the long drive (they'll get their own space in the back of the car).

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
((MM))
Lots of positive thoughts and prayers for you! I wish I had something I could help you with. I only moved across country 20 years ago when I was about 20 and I just got rid of everything and drove..but I could do that when I was 20...now..no...
I see these guys all around my area, I don't know cost or how good they are but it's worth seeing.
http://www.twomenandatruck.com/

Or and I am sure this is pricey, rent a PODS or something like that and store your stuff and have them move it to your new place, then you can drive in your car. Again, I am sure this is expensive but it's worth to check out at least it's an option :)
Hugs to you!!!

Posted 2 years ago by cricketsmama #
Thank you! I'll check them out. (((Hugs)))
We're trying to do the same and sell everything and just drive the car (It wouldn't cost NEARLY as much), but no one wants to buy our pretty much brand new stuff!

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
Thank you to Sarah for emailing me (I don't know your name on here), but I never thought about the fact that I'm going to need a lawyer for the custody battle, too. :(

I don't know what to do. I really don't want to lose my boy.

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
MM..I just recently (in the past 3 months) moved from Arkansas to Arizona, not nearly as far cross country as you are talking, I looked at everything from having a company pack and move for me to renting a truck and doing it myself. Renting a truck with tow equipment, and towing my pickup, was the least expensive way for me at the time. The biggest cost for me was actually the gas for the moving truck. There are a lot of options out there, I would suggest checking them all out and finding one that fits your circumstances the best. I will give a word of caution. Some of the full service moving companies will put the hard sell on you and can get rather annoying.

I wish you the best of luck with the move and in dealing with your ex over you son...I've gone thru that too and fortunately have my 2 youngest with me now. Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way.

Posted 2 years ago by Crazycatman - CA #
I'm so worried that things aren't going to end up well and I'll end up jobless or even worse... Lose my son. It scares me to death.

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
This may be a crazy idea, but since you mentioned trying to sell all your stuff but could not get any interest. Why not join Freecycle? You would give your stuff away in FL. And then start picking stuff up in OR to replace it. True you get no money for the trip but you do not have to pay to transport the belongings across the continent. Also you can feel good about tracking through the local Freecycle for items you pick up for free in OR because you are not just "looking for a free ride".

Posted 2 years ago by ailuromaniac #
How does Freecycle work? That sounds like a great idea, actually.
The only thing we'd HAVE to sell is the bed, though. My boyfriend refuses to sleep on a used bed (won't even sleep in a hotel room, he has to sleep on a sleeping bag).
We're not really extremely worried about the stuff, mainly just getting enough money to get us there (I pretty much threw the moving van out the window after finding out it would cost us nearly $3000 dollars to do so!) and also getting some money for a down-payment on a good lawyer. There's so much to worry and stress about, I don't know if I can handle it all. :(

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
http://www.freecycle.org/about/

Posted 2 years ago by ailuromaniac #
Hmm.
We'll probably have to look into that, it's a great idea. We're still going to try and sell our stuff (it's all pretty much brand new) because we are so low on money. Right now we're looking at a total of $1200 in the bank. Thankfully my mom is planning on helping as much as possible (bless her heart), but other than that, I have to think of some money raising opportunities fast. Not only for this move, but also to cover other costs as well.
Any ideas on that? I've been trying to find online jobs and such, but can't tell the scams from the real thing.
Ugh. This is all hitting me way too fast! I'm completely overwhelmed and haven't stopped crying (I'm not even sure why I started crying in the first place).

Also, on the custody aspect... Any help there?

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
There are a lot of people moving around right now. Maybe you can find someone to share a truck and the gas expense with. You would end up with a slightly larger truck, but your half would still be cheaper than renting a smaller truck by yourself.

Try posting for a partner on whatever free websites you can find, as well as in the local shopping centers. Just be careful that you get all the money up front so you don't get stuck with a flake.

Posted 2 years ago by CheetahBoysmommy #
Hmm. I never actually thought about that.
Thank you!

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
MM, sorry you're going through all this :(
Have you tried selling your things on E-Bay and Amazon? I don't have a lot of stuff myself, but was surprised at what I could make selling stuff there. I sold everything from books and cat toys to tennis racquets and computer software.
Best of luck with everything!

Posted 2 years ago by GreatDane #
I was thinking about that, but we only have about 2 or so weeks. But you can put the "pick up" only option on ebay, right? Because it may not be worth it to ship a giant couch (although, who knows?). Also, it's illegal to sell a used bed on there (lame), but everything else is alright, I think.

Thank you to everyone for their input. These are all fantastic ideas and helping a lot!

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
You can do "pick up" on E-Bay. Or give Craigslist a try for bigger items like that. I have friends who've sold all kinds of furniture on Craigslist.

Posted 2 years ago by GreatDane #
What great ideas all of you have! The freecyle idea is a good one. I checked and it seems we have one in my area (you have to sign up first). E-Bay is one way with the pick-up idea and Craigslist is another good idea (but be careful who you have come over to pick it up). I too have sold and bought couches via Craigslist in the past. There is always the Salvation Army who can pick up what you don't want and you can take it as a donation against your taxes (of course you won't see that benefit till next year when you do your taxes).

Posted 2 years ago by SylMiaFelixMomma #
have you tried craigs list? I have bought and sold items from there. The items I listed sold in less then 48 hours.

Posted 2 years ago by Athena #
Yup, I just moved from Illinois To Idaho with 2 kids and 2 cats. Rented a U-Haul and a trailer and a small car tow for my Jeep. We left on June 12th and got there on June 15th. It was a LONG trip but good in the long run. The U-Haul and gas ran around $2,500. in all. OUCH! I checked into PODS and tehy were a good deal, but i was mostly worried about towing my 18 year old Jeep. Wasn't sure it would make the drive on it's own. Needless to say, it is in the shop at the moment having the transmission redone. YIKES! I wish you the best ok luck, and if you have and questions, just email me and I will try to help as I can. rn4restrn at yahoo.com I also have some experience with idiot exes and the junk they pull. Please email me so we can chat.

Daisy Mew

Posted 2 years ago by daisy mew #
{{{MM}}}

I don't have any advice to give, but I'll send positive energy your way. Wish I could give you some of the boxes left over from my recent (comparatively short) move.

Posted 2 years ago by Cats4Cats #
I can't give any better advice, but I can sure say that I have bunches of experience moving! Military spouse here. I have lived in 6 states and 2 countries. Not only have I moved from the East to the West, I have moved from this country to another and then another! Sleep is the answer!

Posted 2 years ago by SoxsMom #
I'm so sorry that you are having issues with your ex, MM. Does he have an actual court order giving him legal and physical custody of your son? You mention that you have court on October 15. I assume he has filed some sort of proceeding and served you with a copy of it. Please look through your paperwork carefully to see if there is a time limit on filing a written response to it.

Does your ex have an attorney? I suggest that you contact the Oregon State Bar Association's Modest Means program to get a referral to a lawyer who takes custody cases and is willing to work with people on payment of their fees. Here is the website with an application form: http://www.osbar.org/public/ris/ris.html

Here is the contact information for the Legal Aid Services of Oregon, Klamath Falls Regional Office which is another possible resource:

LASO Klamath Falls Regional Office
403 Pine Street, Ste. 250
Klamath Falls, OR 97601
(541) 273-0533

Monday-Friday 9am-5pm.

Applicants may drop in during intake hours, which are Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 10-12 and 1-3pm. Also available for appointments on other days days as need.

Here is a link to the Circuit Court of the State of Oregon for Klamath County with information on divorce and custody issues: http://courts.oregon.gov/Klamath/programs.page?
It looks you may need to take a three hour class called "Children in the Middle" for a contested custody case. There are forms on that website as well.

If you feel that you need additional time to prepare and/or hire an attorney, you can make a written request for a postponement. Be sure you copy this to your ex and his attorney. Send it in immediately.

Good luck, MM. Keep your eye on the prize. The court will be looking at what is in the best interest of your son when it comes to custody and parenting time issues. Child support may also be an issue as well as health insurance coverage.

Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
I have moved across a lot of states on minimal budget, but I'm in Australia and I can imagine that its probably different over there. I think you should work out if its cheaper to cart all your stuff across the country or to sell if first and buy new stuff later. When I moved to melbourne all I took was one suitcase. I eventually accumulated stuff. Slept on the floor a while but slowly, slowly got all my own furniture again. We have a lot of cheap salvation army stores and you can buy household and furniture items really cheap. For me, selling my stuff before I left and then re-purchasing new things was a much cheaper and better option than actually carting my stuff. As for my valuables (sentimental stuff) I left them at my mums place.

Posted 2 years ago by jessij #
Oh goodness, thank you so much, everyone!
And to Kitten Whisperer...
We actually have joint custody at the current time. I checked over and over again if he would be okay and be cool about me moving so that I can do better for my boy. He assured me over and over that he would let me see my son any time and everything was cool (moving to Florida wasn't a long-term thing, anyways). Then he pulled a fast one and filed papers. Thankfully he doesn't have a lawyer or even a job for that matter, so I think as long as I end up moving back, I'm okay. I just don't know if I can bring myself to go for full custody, even though I need to. I just don't want Ryan thinking I tried to take him away from his dad (I came from a divorced childhood and always felt that way about MY mom).

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
No advice here, but sending prayers and hugs your way. My babies send nuzzles and kitty kisses to Melvin. You have a strong team of people here praying and sending their love to you! Stay Strong! ((((MM))))

Posted 2 years ago by SugarBee #
MM, in Oregon if one parent decides to ask for sole custody the court has no choice but to decide which parent should have sole custody. The courts here can't force parents to have joint custody. You might want to (and may be required to participate in mediation to see if the custody and parenting issues can be settled). Call the court to find out if that is something you must do and how to contact the agency that does it. Child support is a very important issue and is calculated using a formula which can be found here: http://www.dcs.state.or.us/calculator/

Here is the contact information for the person in Klamath County Circuit Court who assists unrepresented people involved in custody cases:
Monday through Friday
8 am - 5 pm*
*By Appointment
Cecilia Britton
Family Law Facilitator
Klamath County Courthouse
316 Main St.
Klamath Falls OR 97601
Voice: (541) 883.5503 ext. 237
Email: cecilia.m.britton@ojd.state.or.us
(She is NOT an attorney and cannot give legal advice)

Keep Ryan out of these adult issues. He may ask questions, but be careful not to inadvertently put him in the middle. He should never be made to feel like he can't love you both or that it will be his "fault" if one of his parents doesn't "win" the custody case.

Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
Thank you.
I'm actually from Klamath, and we went through this whole deal before, sadly. I was going to be presented with sole custody but decided it would have been best to go for joint (I'm not a fan of keeping a child away from any parent period). I've tried my best to keep Ryan out of this whole ordeal, but sadly my ex has been using Ryan to get his way (ie Asking me to have Ryan when Ryan is right there, discussing matters in front of Ryan so that I would look like the bad guy if I said no, etc).

Are you from Klamath, KW? Lol. You know so much about it! My ex actually got the papers that he served to me from Cecilia and his mother knows Cecilia rather well. Sadly, word travels fast in a small town and when I contacted her it went against me (she told my ex's mother that I had contacted her and planned to take action). Is she allowed to even do that?

And I'm with you on keeping Ryan out of it. That's what I've tried to do from the beginning. Sadly, I have a feeling that that isn't mutual as when I last visited my son he was saying some rather odd things (telling me that his daddy told him that I "didn't want him anymore" and making him call his stepmother mom because she "loves him more"). I was appalled.

Posted 2 years ago by MouchoisMelvin #
I'm not from Klamath, MM, but I live in Oregon and I am a circuit court judge here. I don't know what the policy is in the Family Assistance Centers around the state on confidentiality, but I am disappointed to hear that information about you was passed along to your ex.

Having sole custody doesn't mean you are taking a child from the other parent. It is used in cases where one parent wants to be allowed to make the major decisions concerning the child---like what school the child will attend or what medical treatment will be given to a child--when the parents can't agree. Parenting plans can be created that give the child equal time with each parent or something less than equal time. Holidays can be shared or alternated, summer and winter school vacations can be shared. There are some sample parenting plans on the websites I've already given you.

Mediation can really help work through these issues effectively and can result in an agreed upon order which would save the cost of going to court.

Here is the Oregon statute on joint custody and modification of joint custody:

ORS 107.169 Joint custody of child; modification. (1) As used in this chapter, “joint custody” means an arrangement by which parents share rights and responsibilities for major decisions concerning the child, including, but not limited to, the child’s residence, education, health care and religious training. An order providing for joint custody may specify one home as the primary residence of the child and designate one parent to have sole power to make decisions about specific matters while both parents retain equal rights and responsibilities for other decisions.

(2) The existence of an order of joint custody shall not, by itself, determine the responsibility of each parent to provide for the support of the child.

(3) The court shall not order joint custody, unless both parents agree to the terms and conditions of the order.

(4) When parents have agreed to joint custody in an order or a judgment, the court may not overrule that agreement by ordering sole custody to one parent.

(5) Modification of a joint custody order shall require showing of changed circumstances and a showing that the modification is in the best interests of the child such as would support modification of a sole custody order. Inability or unwillingness to continue to cooperate shall constitute a change of circumstances sufficient to modify a joint custody order.

(6)(a) The inability of a parent to comply with the terms and conditions of a joint custody order due to the parent’s temporary absence does not constitute a change of circumstances if the parent’s temporary absence is caused by the parent being:

(A) Called into active state duty as defined in ORS 398.002; or

(B) Called into active federal service under Title 10 of the United States Code as a member of the Oregon National Guard.

(b) As used in this subsection, “temporary absence” means a period not exceeding 30 consecutive months. [1987 c.795 §6; 2003 c.576 §114; 2005 c.79 §3]

Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #