Daily Kitten Chat Forum » General Chat

1. 

   why i try to be a family with my parents no matter how nasty they are to me - they are all i have.

   i'm almost 49. all my grandparents were dead or missing before i was 5.

   and my parents are not close with their brothers or sisters, so i don't even know who my aunts, uncles, and cousins are...

   when we moved when i was 5, we moved into a neighborhood that was all boys, and even they were mostly younger or older than me...

   and the old neighbor hood and the new one where at least 10 miles apart...and i didn't get to visit my friends in the old neighborhood.

   there were also some horrific things that happened when i was young.

   just before we moved to the new neighboorhood, i have a very clear memory of my mother shoving anal suppossitories in me, spread eagled over the bathtub, screaming my head off, with my father reading the newspaper in the next room

   also when i was 5, i was attacked by a dog who ripped my entire lower lip off and ate it. at night i was tied spreadeagled in my bed with no explanation and no sedation to help me sleep

   another time when my two upper front teeth wouldn't come in, my mother did not prepare for the procedure by telling me when 2 or 3 dentists grabbed me and made me succumb to a chloroform or ether drip

   and when my mother did not prepare me for telling me about growing up and menstrual periods until the night i had my first one...

   these are the memories of me being young...

   Posted 2 years ago by CSBM #

2. 

   Cheri, don't let the fact that your parents were not close with their siblings stop you from finding them and making contact. You may find a bunch of new family you can bond with.

   Posted 2 years ago by KapitiKats in NZ #

3. 

   The devil you know is not better than the devil you don't. At worst you find the same devils, at best you find angels.

   Use the internet and ancestry.com and other resources to find your family if you are he-- bent on having blood family. If not, join a church or any other social organization and seek out like minded companions with similar interests.

   Your parents made choices to force you into a lonely single childhood. I'll bet they made you do "girly things" that the boy's would not. If you tried to play ball, or cops and robbers, or dismantle an engine, you were told nice girls did not do such things or you were too fragile. Your ease with math was probably discouraged although abortively since you achieved an engineering degree. I can hear it now "What do you want with that degree? You'll never use it that is a man's field."

   Maybe they were not that literal. But I bet if you examine your life you will find they used subtle clues to the same end.

   You were raised to be dependent on them for every choice and excoriated when ever you showed an ounce of independence.

   You can take charge and make a family where you choose. Do not choose to be abused for the sake of a false familial dynamic.

   Posted 2 years ago by ailuromaniac #

4. 

   Cheri, KK is right. You might find a whole family that are wondering about you, family that may be just like you in so many ways as only family can be.

   Posted 2 years ago by Moonshadow_NZ #

5. 

   i know that i can't afford to me like this right now, droopy and dreary 2 days beforre a major work physical...

   Posted 2 years ago by CSBM #

6. 

   Cheri,
   Sometimes the family we are born with winds up not being our true family. Sometimes we find and choose our 'real' family. Whether or not you go in search of your biological family, keep one thing in mind - you might only know some of us on this screen, but we are your family. You have many sisters and brothers here who all care about you. You are not alone, we may be separated by long distances, but we are all with you.

   I am sending many hugs and prayers your way.

   Posted 2 years ago by owlwatcher_974 #

7. 

   O.K.

   Stop and take 5 slow deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

   Now get a pad and pencil and rewrite your resume. Highlight your achievements and their value to a potential employer. Do not neglect your home and personal skills. Be certain to define your survival skills.

   Where are you submitting this resume? To Cheri. She is hiring a capable woman who can face down and triumph over any adversity.

   If you are not sold with your first resume, do it again. Everytime you feel a bad memory shove it town with the flags of your triumph over it.

   Your fear of the future medical hurdles is just your parent's telling you you can not do squat without them. You tell them that which does not kill you makes you stronger and you are now strong enough to turn your back to their lies.

   Posted 2 years ago by ailuromaniac #

8. 

   I bet you can find some family with a little bit of computer work. They may or may not be people you end up wanting to associate with, but just the involvement in finding them will make you feel connected.

   Whatever you do, agree with yourself that you will start next week. This week you can allow yourself to do only that which is necessary for your job. Give yourself permission to concentrate on what's important right now and push the rest to the background.

   You can do it. You have proved over and over that you are much stronger than you think. Depend on that strength and you can fly through your physical.

   Posted 2 years ago by CheetahBoysmommy #

9. 

   Cheri, as CBM suggested, you can locate your other family members if you try. Connect with them. And this may sound harsh, but time to get past your childhood!! Really, if all you do is think about the bad things that happened growing up, you never get to grow up! I was the totally ugliest little girl anyone ever laid eyes on, and it caused all kinds of tramatic moments for a 5-6 yr old...but I'm not 5 or 6 anymore...Be thankful you're not a child anymore and you have to stop reliving it!!! Once you get on with your adult life, your childhood can't hurt you anymore!!!!

   Posted 2 years ago by 2bpurring #

10. 

    Oh but 2B, you are a beautiful woman!! I agree with what 2B said.

    Posted 2 years ago by SammyandOliversmama #

11. 

    {{{gentle hugs Cheri}}} you are a better person my friend, please read what everyone wrote above...

    Posted 2 years ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #

12. 

    You are a very special, unique person with or without your biological family!
    Look around, I bet there are special friends/acquaintances to connect with to make your life a little more comfortable emotionally. Let your faith guide you in making those choices! TDKers are a great extended caring family!

    Posted 2 years ago by jeankit #

13. 

    Cheri, I had to "divorce" my family for a long time. Now that I am an adult, I have an adult relationship with them. I don't allow them to make me feel like I am that little kid anymore. And with that, came a good relationship on my terms, not their terms.
    Peace

    Posted 2 years ago by tinafishfrombirthplaceofElvis #

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