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The lawyer appointment

(26 posts)

Started 4 months ago by Leeny
Latest reply from Emma

Just got back from the lawyer appointment. Did not file because there is a problem to be worked out. Preliminary hearing to decide who lives where takes place 1 TO 4 MONTHS after filing, depending on court schedules. My following his former advice by getting my name only on the lease locks me into staying there (lease specifies it can't be broken), so I'd be staying there with someone who is free to scream at me every minute I'm there, threaten me with anything except physical harm, threaten the cats, smash up everything in the place because it isn't illegal to destroy your own property, etc.

Going to talk to someone from the DVPA to see if I can stay somewhere temporarily between filing and the preliminary hearing, but I doubt that they can find me anyplace for up to 4 months. I also doubt they can help me find a place where I can bring the cats. I won't leave them; he doesn't take care of them. He tells me to feed them and complains every time I clean their litter boxes.

Starting to feel like the only way out of this is for death to part us. Think I'll call the DVPA hotline.

Posted 4 months ago by Leeny #
PLEASE hang in there, Leeny, YOU are worth it!

Posted 4 months ago by Lainey #
prayers and support to you...

Posted 4 months ago by Cheri 12/22 #
{{{Leeney}}} Hang in there, please. Is there any way you can force him to leave once you file?

Posted 4 months ago by Kilroy #
What is the floor plan for your home? Can you get locks for your bedroom/bath and other areas? Maybe we can make a workable plan for you to isolate him.

It would be worth the noise if you could barricade yourself and your cats for physical safety and make arrangements with your neighbors to have them call police reporting a disturbance if he bangs things up and yells.

Give the neighbors the general outline of what you expect and file.

He may be legally able to smash things but not to disturb the neighbors doing it.

Posted 4 months ago by ailuromaniac #
Leeny, even though the lease states that it can't be broken, would the possbility of physical harm and your safety make a difference? One would think that it would be able to be looked at. Just wondering because if you wait to file as you stated above, 'Preliminary hearing to decide who lives where takes place 1 TO 4 MONTHS after filing, depending on court schedules' those time limits would still apply and it will be even longer for you to be safe. Honestly I have no clue just my own opinions, hugs to you and the kits.

Posted 4 months ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #
Called DVPA; they gave me a crisis line number to call and want me to call them back after I've talked to the crisis line. Don't know if I'll bother.

Posted 4 months ago by Leeny #
BOTHER.

Let him win now and your life will not be worth a plug nickel!

Posted 4 months ago by ailuromaniac #
BOTHER. You are fighting for your life, your future, your kitties. YOU. BOTHER. NOW. Please....

Posted 4 months ago by Lainey #
CALL Leeny... don't wait, call now ! You need your life back !!

Posted 4 months ago by 2 Popoki #
I'm not sure why filing or not filing for divorce has anything to do with getting someone who is NOT a legal tenant out of your residence. Check back with your lawyer to find out if this can be taken care of sooner. Perhaps your landlord would assist you in filing an eviction proceeding.

..........and please call the crisis line. You've been thrown a curve today and need help processing this information. {{{{{many, many hugs}}}}}

Posted 4 months ago by Kitten Whisperer #
Yes Leeny please do call. Ask the landlord about assisting you with an eviction like KW said. You have come such a long way. Keep moving forward. ((((hugs))))

Posted 4 months ago by Teresa #
Called crisis line; got the same drill about going to an ER, being seen by a mental health worker, etc. Told them I don't need any of that. Ended with a 3-way call between them, me, and the DVPA to let the DVPA know I called.

Posted 4 months ago by Leeny #
I don't know what the law is in Leeny's state, however, in Maryland if someone is living in your home for 30 days or more, whether they pay rent or not, means that they are entitled to all laws covering legal residents. It takes an official eviction letter and the courts, if the "tenant" decides to fight it, to remove someone from the home. Squatters rights.

Leeny - you are doing the right things to take care of yourself. If you haven't already, check with some women's shelters about your situation and see if they have any advice about him (I know you don't want to go to one because of your cats). But they may be able to advise you, give you options you are unaware of.

also, most apartments have rules that if there are two or more WRITTEN complaints they will evict the tenants. Why don't you talk to them and let them know your situation and IF he causes problems, talk to your neighbors about submitting written complaints. Perhaps if he thinks you both have to leave he will go and you can stay. Talk to your leasing office first, though. Let them know your situations. Most people want to help if given the opportunity to do so.

Posted 4 months ago by Lainey #
[[[[[Leeny]]]]]] Keep going,you can make it out of this and be free with your kitties,you can make it happen. We are here for you!!!!

Posted 4 months ago by Buttercup #
Also, and I may have missed a lot not being online so much anymore, what about restraining orders? Have you had any in the past? That would be good ammunition. Or, if he really does cause problems you can request one. Then he would HAVE to leave (be sure it is on solid grounds, of course, he has to "do" something to cause it, but if you truly fear for your life and the lives of your kits then you have cause to file).

Posted 4 months ago by Lainey #
Okay it is against the law if he is threatening you. If you are in fear and threatened you call the police--and you have to press charges! There is absolutely NO GODD REASON any attorney can not get you a restraining order based on his past violent behavior. You have to be proactive in voicing your fear. Actually shout from the rooftops your fear of this abusive man.

Posted 4 months ago by SoxsMom #
I agree with everything said here. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am behind you 110% Many hugs your way!

Posted 4 months ago by mollycat71 #
This is next. Talk to the DVPA about temporary shelter for me and the kitties. Hotline worker last night told me they can find me someplace for up to 4 months and they can accomodate the kitties. Will have to find out about this.

He's listed in the lease as a person allowed to live there although he's not the legal tenant.

He went to a private psychiatrist on the 15th and is on two new meds. Was going to give the meds time to work to see if they would make a difference, but last night he was giving me the "I was never taught how to be a husband and I'm not capable of this" business again. I again invited him to tell it to a judge and ask for an annulment. If that's the way it is, no new meds are going to change it.

He's planning to have someone clear out the back room and move the TV in there, but I'd get to pay for it, like I have everything else. He was going to wait until January to do this so it wouldn't disrupt his seasonal decorating, but I told him January would be too late. He got upset at being given a "deadline". It occurred to me this morning, though, that he hasn't complied with anything I required: He saw his therapist twice and got thrown out of the practice; he never did cooperate with the mental health agency; and he's never turned off the TV to spend time with me. I was going to give him an "extension", but if that's the way he's going to react, forget it.

Posted 4 months ago by Leeny #
Leeny, you have given him more than enough chances. It's time to walk away and take care of YOU (and the kitties, of course).

Please, he is never going to change. I know making changes is scary, but you have to do it. You deserve so much better than the life you have with him.

Posted 4 months ago by Kilroy #
Leeny, he is playing you like a big fish. You need to throw the hook and swim free.

You need to pay for nothing he does not need to keep breathing. That means basic food and water, no cokes, beer or sweets. He gets to have the roof, a toilet and the heat because it exists for your benefit at the same rate.

I'd have cut the cable off a long time ago. If you can't or won't, run an extension from the outlet you already have to the room you want him locked up. String it outside if you can, if not then snake it up the walls, and string it like Christmas lights the shortest path you can manage using cup-hooks to hold it. It is cheaper than a tech call. You say you can't stop him from ordering special options on the cable. Block him. Put in a password and limit his viewing options. Send them a registered letter that only you can make changes to the service or they will see no money for adding anything you did not order.

Posted 4 months ago by ailuromaniac #
Ail, with any good fortune, soon the kitties and I will be someplace else until he is gone. The cable bill is charged to his personal checking account, and that money will have to start going for basic food and prescription copays.

Posted 4 months ago by Leeny #
Cancel the cable and see if he finds more time to do the cleaning that he needs to do. If push comes to shove then see if the landlord will "evict" you both and then later rent to just you. Definitely tell the neighbors that you welcome them to call the police everytime they hear him yelling and pitching a fit. If they know that you are in fear and counting on them to help keep you safe, they will step up when needed.

Posted 4 months ago by KYKAT 12 23 #
Leeny you have given him so many chances. It is now time to focus on yourself. Hang in there, you are so worth it. I am really glad that oyu have teh chance to go with the kitties to be away fora while and I hope it works out. Thinking of you.

Posted 4 months ago by ginirosaru #
Sending TLC Prayers/Blessing for you & kits as you re-start YOUR LIFE! You are on the right track for now it is TIME to take care of YOURSELF/KITS!

Posted 4 months ago by jeankit #
Leeny, save yourself, honey, and your cats. Bottom line.

You need to be in a good, safe place with your kitties. Please tell us what we can do to help you get there.

Posted 4 months ago by Emma #

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