Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs

1. 

   Our best friends live next door. When we moved into our home in 1993 they welcomed us to the neighborhood and into their family. Both were artists--he, a Pulitzer prize-winning photographer for a photo he took of her in the 1970s as she gave birth to her second child called "Moment of Life" and she, a gifted painter. They have three amazing children, now grown.

   Over the years we've shared many wonderful times with our best friends. Two weeks ago, they received the awful news that he had an advanced case of pancreatic cancer. His doctor gave him two or three months to live. In fact, he had only ten days. Brian passed away at home last Sunday.

   I have never seen a more heroic response to tragedy than I did with his family. The three kids immediately came to be at their parents' sides. The fiances of their son and one of their daughters soon joined them. Hospice came in to make things easier in caring for Brian who was receiving powerful drugs to control pain. A balance was reached between pain management and keeping Brian aware of his surroundings. Everything that need to be said was said. All the "I love yous" and "thank yous." Kisses and hugs frequently exchanged.

   Brian was determined to attend his daughter's wedding scheduled in September, but it was clear that he would not live to see that day. His daughter and her fiance decided they would indeed have him at their wedding and moved the date up to the Friday before he died. I had the honor and privilege to perform that wedding ceremony with those attending surrounding Brian's hospital bed in their living room. The next day I performed a second wedding between Brian's son and his fiancee at Brian's bedside. Each ceremony was filled with joy. It was clear that Brian was aware of what was happening. Champagne toasts were made with glasses chiming together over his bed like wedding bells.

   I hesitated to share this experience because so many TDKers are struggling with painful issues. I hope that sharing the life-affirming joy a dying man was able to participate in seeing two of his children wed would be as inspiring to you as it was for me. I will miss Brian very much.

   Here is a link to one of many articles published about this great man: http://www.oregonlive.com/art/index.ssf/2011/03/eugenes_brian_lanker_leaves_be.html

   Posted 1 year ago by Kitten Whisperer #

2. 

   thank you for sharing that, KW!..... what a great man, and a great legacy he leaves behind!....... his life is inspiring, and should remind each and everyone of us that life is short and precious - it is what we make of it..... it's not what we take with us, it's what we leave behind!.......

   Posted 1 year ago by AV #

3. 

   KW, thanks for sharing this.... I understand the love, and the grief this family has shared. {{{hugs}}}

   Posted 1 year ago by kittymom #

4. 

   awesome, KW. What an interesting man. and you are right, very uplifting and life affirming. thank you

   Posted 1 year ago by paulajeanne #

5. 

   Wow KM that was a wonder,wonderful things that his family and you did for him.
   "On their wedding days, "Hospice had taken over, so (Brian) was in a hospital bed in the living room, so people could hang around him," says Lynda. "Our good friend and next-door neighbor Cindy Carlson is a circuit court judge in Eugene, so she just walked next door to perform the ceremonies."

   Julia and Dustin say moving their wedding dates was an easy decision. "Almost everywhere he went, it seemed like he was the guest of honor," says Dustin. "It was not something we were willing to not have him be there for.

   "It was an amazing thing to be part of -- the sweet and the bittersweet, in the midst of something traumatic, was something tremendously uplifting. It was right up there with the best days of my life."
   How beautiful and awe inspiring.

   Posted 1 year ago by Buttercup #

6. 

   Thanks, AV, KittyMom, PJ and BC. I have to say that Brian lived his life to the fullest. He didn't have a "bucket list." His personality filled every room he ever entered. He did not let his fame go to his head. He was intensely interested in every person he met and every subject he photographed. Many of his photographic subjects became dear friends. He had a wicked sense of humor and great empathy.

   Posted 1 year ago by Kitten Whisperer #

7. 

   nice tribute from maya angelou

   Posted 1 year ago by paulajeanne #

8. 

   Thank you KW. In spite of the sorrow that seems to have inundated TDK lately, I see such joy and love in this story. Truthfully, it is in all the stories--Ginger and Victor had a love that was inspiring to me personally and I hope to others. Marnet has such a way with words, painting a picture of her friend Nicki that makes me see her in a meadow of daffodils with green grass and blue skies surrounding her--what a beautiful day. And Kykat's brother--tho he passed too soon from this world, I know he is in the next, grateful that he did not have to suffer. And so many more....so glad to be ABLE to count my blessings, not the least of which is the love and friends I have found here on TDK.

   Posted 1 year ago by Shelley #

9. 

   Wow KW. How bittersweet. It shows what a wonderful parents they were, their children didn't hesitate to have their father part of their special day. I am so sorry you lost a good friend, but how blessed you were to know him and have him in your life.

   Posted 1 year ago by cricketsmama #

10. 

    Shelly, thank you for putting all the recent sadness into a positive context. Sometimes that is very hard to find.

    CM, I am very grateful to have known Brian and been part of his family's life. I'm grateful to be part of the TDK family too!

    Posted 1 year ago by Kitten Whisperer #

11. 

    KW I have to tell the story now. I took Mini SM to Dallas a few years ago because the King Tut exhibit was there and Dr. Zahi Hawass was speaking to open the exhibit. I han been when I was a child when the exhibit was in Chicago taken by a very special teacher. While there I wanted to teach Mini SM about other historical events--so I took her to the Book Depository. She was thrilled with the upstairs part of the museum as it was devoted to journalists, and at that time she had wanted nothing more than to write for a newspaper. She found a book and decided it was the one thing she wanted most. She read from cover to cover. One of the people she read about was Brian--the picture was the one he won the Pulitzer Prize with--of the woman that would be his wife giving birth to a very beautiful child. Mini SM was greatly moved by this. I had talked to KW about her moment of reading that piece and she chuckled--she knew the photographer quite well! A brilliant man has left this world. May he rest in peace and know only joy with no pain. May his family be surrounded with love and support as they grieve their loss. My prayers are with all of you and KW--Mini SM and I are shedding tears as we think of a man that inspired a young girl.

    Posted 1 year ago by SoxsMom #

12. 

    Tha is a beautiful story, SM. Thank you for sharing it. Brian touched so many lives. Give Mini SM a hug from me. :)

    Posted 1 year ago by Kitten Whisperer #

13. 

    She said to pass that she is hugging you back! He did touch others--and so does his wife and his children!

    Posted 1 year ago by SoxsMom #

14. 

    Its a true testament to the loving family and friends that Brian had, everything above was written with such grace and thoughtfulness. Glad that he got to see two of his children's weddings and that he was amongst family and friends when he passed over. May his family and friends be given gentle hugs while he watches over all of you.

    Posted 1 year ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #

15. 

    Wow...what a fantastic man this friend/neighbor was. Just reading of Brian, I could understand about the energy pull that everyone spoke of. My Deepest Sympathies to Brian's Family from their loss of such a loving man. Much Hugs to You & your Husband. You've both lost a very Dear Friend.

    Posted 1 year ago by feral #

16. 

    What a beautiful life, and so well lived. Could any of us ask for more?

    Posted 1 year ago by WillowandWindismom #

17. 

    KW, is there a link to the picture he won the pulitzer for? I've been trying to find it but no luck.

    Posted 1 year ago by paulajeanne #

18. 

    There are a number of his photos in a slideshow on the NY Times website. The one that won the Pulitzer is photo #2. http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/14/parting-glance-brian-lanker-1947-2011/?partner=rss&emc=rss

    Posted 1 year ago by Kitten Whisperer #

19. 

    PJ I was just going to say it was from 1973.

    Posted 1 year ago by SoxsMom #

20. 

    thanks, KW, I thought the one of the woman was awesome too.

    Posted 1 year ago by paulajeanne #

21. 

    I love the one of the baby--a good set of lungs--you can imagine the cry!

    Posted 1 year ago by SoxsMom #

22. 

    PJ, the first picture is on the cover of one of Brian's books~~I Dream a World: Portraits of Black Women Who Changed America." So many of his subjects in that book are gone. He wanted to preserve their images and contributions so their legacies would not be forgotten.

    SM, that tiny baby is now a vibrant young woman studying biochemistry. :)

    Posted 1 year ago by Kitten Whisperer #

23. 

    A biochemist! Brian was proud of all the children I have a feeling. Her first pictures in this world--they are absolutely beautiful!

    Posted 1 year ago by SoxsMom #

24. 

    KW, I'm so glad you did share this story with us. It is a wonderful affirmation of life far, far more than a story of death. We are here but a brief span, set to the task and adventure of living. Each life creates a legacy, some well known, some obscure among our fellow mankind, yet each life's legacy is known to God who set us here and then gathers us home again to Himself. It is good and kind and proper to share with others the legacies of those whom we love for each one will touch a heart that needs that sense of sharing in the greater story of us all. Thank you.

    Posted 1 year ago by Marnet #

25. 

    Thank you for sharing KW. I am sorry for the loss of your neighbor and friend and wish you and the family peace.

    Posted 1 year ago by Lynn from PA 6/8 #

26. 

    I am so sorry that Brian is gone, KW, but the world is better for his having been here. He was obviously an incredible man and a great photographer.

    Posted 1 year ago by jcat #

27. 

    Thank you for sharing this special story KW. How special to be able to celebrate with family for this special event and know it was a blessing for the newlyweds to be able to share their joy. I am sure Brian found peace and was able to enter heaven's hands with a joyful spirit. What a wonderful tribute as article for a very talented person.

    Posted 1 year ago by jeankit #

28. 

    Thank you, KW, for sharing this story of your friend and his family. I love how life affirming it is. How loved and special he was to his family and always will be. For a spirit like that never leaves anything behind but love and joy. A life well lived.

    May we all have such love and spirit in our lives NOW.

    Posted 1 year ago by Jetta and Boo Boo's Mom #

29. 

    KW, thank you for sharing the story of your wonderful friend. Prayers of strength and comfort going out to you and to his family and all that loved him.

    Posted 1 year ago by katthays #

30. 

    Thank you KW for sharing your friend and neighbor's story. What an amazing man your neighbor was, KW and what a beautiful thing for his children to do! Pancreatic cancer is a fast moving cancer that either allows one to have several years to only several weeks. That your neighbor was able to participate in his children's weddings was a beautiful gift from them and one you were a part of. I find that in reading about his life that he had a full life and that even though he passed at age 63 with much still to do, he did do a lot through his photography and his family. It is through death that we are reminded of the living and to cherish those around us as well as to spend more time with them when possible.

    Posted 1 year ago by SylMiaFelixsMomma #

RSS feed for this topic

Reply »

You must log in to post.