Well, not entirely, but close. I have struggled these last few months both at work, personally and health wise. I have been wading thru the muck to figure out what to do and when. I have decided since I have turned 40, it was time to take care of me, not worry so much about others and make changes. Here are some of the things I am doing.
*I have decided after 10 years to step down from my management position at work. It's just not worth it for the headaches (literally), middle of the night calls, weekend/at home work, and stress. It really has taken its toll on me physically and I need to get away. I have agreed with my boss to stay on and slowly phase myself out until they find someone new. My boss will be taking over many of the day to day tasks needing done. Since almost every employee I have makes much more than I do per hour and gets to go home after 8 hours, the time to move on was now.
*With that said, I am considering studying for and getting my professional trainer certificate and license. I would like to work with individuals with "special needs". People most especially with brain injuries and neurological disorders/diseases. I was quite surprised to find out that my trainer trains several folks with cerebral palsy and said they are definitely her most rewarding clients. My trainer and her husband just bought a new gym and are moving in May. It is 3X the size of the current one and are looking for trainers. She has been mentoring me. This way I will stay sort of in the therapy/wellness arena.
*I have finally been granted approval to see a pain management specialist after nearly two years. Its been a fight but I haven't given up! The receptionist has been a bit of a "challenge" saying she has never heard of that "Chair thingee" that I say I have! No, silly, its CHIARI! Either way she said she hadn't heard of it so they obviously didn't treat it. I went back to my neurosurgeon and had them contact the pain clinic to give them more information about me. For those of you who are unaware, for some reason I have suffered from almost intolerable pain for the last two months. I have averaged about 2-3 hours of sleep per night. I can't lay, sit, stand or do anything because my entire body hurts. The hairs on my head hurt, my teeth and even my toes. I don't know what is going on but I need help! I have become a grump at work and I know my work has suffered. My neurologist (not the neurosurgeon) told me I shouldn't have pain from Chiari cause I was "fixed"! I took in studies done on long term nerve pain and she brushed it off. That is when I simply went over her head and did it myself thru the neurosurgeon. This is another reason that I am stepping down at work, to take time to heal.
*It appears also that my fractured tibia of November may have not healed (also contributing to pain!). I am undergoing more tests to see what is going on with my bones and my tibia.
*I have also decided to learn to ride a bike again. I haven't ridden one since I was 10. My neurosurgeon did ok this and I have special helmet (no pink one with kitties JCAT!) to wear on my head. A local bike shop close by is going to help me get back on the bike and ride. My NS also said this will help with my balance and my balance issues.
*Craziest thing yet, I just might take a vacation! I have never taken more than three days off for something pleasurable EVER since I started working at the age of 13. All my extended time off has always been for something medical or for school. Not just for me and my relaxation. Not sure where I will go, with who or if I will even tell anyone until I get back.
*I am still in counseling and it is truly helping. I did speak with FF and we talked for a long time. He said he cannot believe I am the same person he knew. He said I am more positive, upbeat and happier then ever. He is very proud of how far I have come. We have talked about a lot of things and I am glad to have gotten to vent and allowed him to vent. I think it has helped me better understand things.
*I am going to just take it one day at a time!
Thank you family again for all your support and understanding the past few years. It has been hard but I think I might actually see a light at the end of the tunnel. So, I have not been around so much lately cause I have been so busy working on MC. Hopefully I will figure it all out! :) Hugs to you all!
