Daily Kitten Chat Forum » General Chat

1. 

   Hi Everyone. I am usually trying to give advice and prayers but tonight I could really use some advice and good vibes.

   I even told those wonderful women to get out of their horrible marriages within "Fed up with Huuby". I have known for a while now I need to move. \

   I am 27 years old and have not moved away from home yet. Up until this past December 06 I was still in college getting my teaching credential. Starting Jan. I started applying to school districts near by for substitute and full-time teaching positions so I could start saving up to move out. My goal was set for June of 08. But my stepfather and I keep clashing alot now. He and I have offend butted heads but lately it has gotten worse.

   He is becoming more of an A**hole and control freak everyday. He complains when I get behind on my chores (drying/putting dishes away, sweeping the floor, crushing cans and dog poop clean up duty). Now I am not being lazy. I work from either 8:15 to 5:15, 8:30 to 5:30 or 9 to 6pm in Palo Alto, Mind you I live in Morgan Hill so I get stuck in commute traffic both ways. What should be a 45 minute drive turns into a 1 hour and 30 minutes to a 2 hour commute to work and back home. Most nights I don't get home until 7:30 or 8 o'clock. I would do the chores indoors but my stepdad is an ultra light sleep. I swear if a mouse farted in the middle of the night he would hear it and wake up.

   I have one more week and then I will be back to substitute teaching full-time and possibly take on 2 home and Hospital students to work with until docs clear them to return to school. Which will mean I will still be getting home after 7pm.

   Which means I will still be behind on chores. I have tried everything I could to defuss this problem between my stepdad and I but it isn't working. It's to the point I feel like he resents me living here taking up time with my mom that should be his. But, I rarely talk to my mom anymore, to be honest as much as I work I don't talk to or see any friends and family anymore it's like I am still in school and can never seem to find any down time. My mom is usually going to bed as I come inand we tell each other good night, and how much we love each other and share a quick hug and kiss and then we go to our rooms.

   I'm just to the point that feel weiry, and so tired or the nagging, b****ing, and stress not to mention just tired after a long day of driving and work. I want out but I am stuck becuase I don't make enough to pay for rent, medical, dental, car insurance let alone groceries and gas.
   I have been going searches for places to move to within my work area but everything is $1300 and up and most of my paychecks are just a little under $1000 when combined.

   A friend and I have been talking of getting a placed together but he doesn't have a job which is why my goal was next summer so he could find a job keep it and save up but I just don't know if I can wait.

   It's getting to the point my writing and poems are starting to drift into darkness again. I don't even have a feline companion to cuddle with to help relieve the stress because my stepfather refuses to let me get a cat becuase they are messy, smelly and sneaky.

   I always had a feline love of my life until I turned 13 and my mom married him. I have a dog (well as long as he's not around otherwise I don't exsist).

   Does anyone have any advice? Reccomendations or suggestions of where or how I can go about looking for lower income housing options.

   Thank you for letting me rant. I just needed to blow some steam or I felt like I would explode.

   Ange

   Posted 2 years ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

2. 

   Ange, I don't have any solutions to offer, but I'm happy to listen. There's no doubt you need to move out to be free of the nagging. It is tough enough for grown children to step into adult to adult relationships with their parents when they live independently; even harder when you are still living at home. Maybe you could negotiate a chore schedule on weekends instead of having chores on a daily basis during the work week. Can you talk to him about the plan you are working on to move out? Would they be willing to loan you the money to get into a place with a reasonable rent? Maybe you could share a place with several roommates. These are just some initial thoughts. I'll keep you in my prayers that solutions can be found. {{{hugs}}}

   Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #

3. 

   No wonder you are feeling so frustrated, Ange. Those are difficult conditions to live under.
   Moving out with a non-working friend is a red flag. I definitely would not share expenses with someone who cannot afford to share. Maybe at some future time.
   Is there anyone else who you work with that needs a roommate or has extra space to rent? Maybe closer to work?
   Does mom not have any say-so in the home situation?
   I agree you need to get out of the house. I hope you can come up with a viable solution. I can only support your decision, and send you positive energy. Good luck.
   Hugs and purrs.

   Posted 2 years ago by artistabobbi TX 1/17 #

4. 

   Thank you both. Unfortunately all friends are married other then my friend Chris and he's still looking for work. I wont move out to share expenses with him until he can hold down a job. So hopefully he finds one soon so maybe December or Jan can move out.

   As for KW no good on talking to him about changing my chore schedule if he doesn't think it up or say it it is a no go. Control freak. Everything's his way or the door. He was raised by parents with the ideal children are to be seen and not heard as well as do as they are told. I try to conform as much as possible but there is just no way to get around this one with my schedule.

   As for Bobbi's suggestions about a loan no way! Mom would Stpdad no. If I'm leaving it's on my own two feet. I think sometimes he's pushing so much so I do leave and fall flat on my face so I have to come back begging.

   As for mom I don't involve her. My battles, plus she will always side with me and then I will be the canker sore in the marriage. I will not be, I refuse to be the reason they break up or start fighting.

   I don't like living with strangers. That's why my friend and I started planning and setting goals for june. If I could afford a small studio I would do it. Just haven't found anything though I will continue to search.

   Thank you for your words of support. And tonights night shift has helped so much. I love this site and all you tkd'ers.

   Ange

   Posted 2 years ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

5. 

   Ange...

   I, too, agree you are in a difficult situation, and I can imagine it must look like a lose/lose one to you.

   First, I think if you very nicely and lovingly put your goals in writing and give copies to your mother and step-dad, it will help the situation. State clearly and concisely that your goal is to move out, but don't place any blame on anyone. Just say you know you are of the age, and your school schedule is such that you feel it's best to be out on your own, and tell them how much you've appreciated everything they've done for you, and for providing a roof over your head. Tell them how much you love them. Suck up and be nice. Then state your goal --- "I hope to be in a place of my own by (fill in a date)."

   Ange, you may not like living with strangers, but perhaps it would be good for you to go out into the world and experience that. Can you find a few dollars to put a small ad in the newspaper that you are a student looking for a live-in tutoring position, or a home-schooling assistant position to give a home-schooling mom time off. You can also leave flyers with elementary schools in your area. State clearly that you seek a flexible schedule to complete your college courses, and then state your skills, such as help with teaching/tuturing, cleaning or cooking or gardening, or taking care of dogs and cats, as well. It's worth a try for an immediate solution, and it may be fun. I took live-in baby sitter positions when I was in college away from home, because I preferred living in a family situation instead of a dorm. And it was fun! I even got to travel across Canada with one of those families and see things I might never have seen. I still keep in touch with some of those kids I babysat!

   Good luck! I know things may look hopeless right now, but they never are. If you believe in prayer, be sure to quietly listen for God's voice afterwards. He will give you the answers, but only if you listen.

   Hugs and smiles, Ange.

   Posted 2 years ago by Jo in Blairsville #

6. 

   Ange, I agree with Jo, put an ad in the newspaper to inquire about renting a room/sharing a house with someone. There are decent people out there whom need help with their mortgages/rent or are just lonely and not wanting to live alone. My daughter has done it for the last 7 years while working on her various degrees and when she is finally done with her PhD, then she will find a place of her own. She has always found places that were between $300-500 a month, with kitchen/bathroom privileges, just depends on the residence. Try to think of it not from the point of living with 'strangers' but as moving on as an adult out of your mother's house, maybe that will help you with the idea. Good luck, and lots of headbutts from the fuzzy ones here...

   Posted 2 years ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #

7. 

   Great advice, AZDeb, especially the part about not looking at a move as living with strangers, but moving on as an adult to live with other adults outside parents' home. Wise words, indeed.

   Posted 2 years ago by Jo in Blairsville #

8. 

   Jo, actually the credit goes to my daughter on that one. When she moved out while getting her bachelor's, thats what she told me. She is now working on her PhD, so guess it's working. She has lived in 4-5 different places while in college and it has always worked out. So good luck with it, and just take it as an adventure and learning experience. When your friend is ready to get a place, then by all means move in with him if that is still your desire. It would just be so much more to have the peace of mind while living somewhere, and not dealing with animosity (?) from your step-father (btdt).

   Posted 2 years ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #

9. 

   Jo, sorry didn't really mean to aim it towards you....I know its for Ange, thats what happens when its time to go home and trying to hurry. So Ange, that last that I typed for Jo was meant for you. Jo, have a great night, gotta leave work early so I can make a med appt in the a.m.....ciao...

   Posted 2 years ago by AZDEBRA 5/27 & crew #

10. 

    Ange, There are nice people out there that are in the same boat as you. If you put an ad in the paper, you might find someone to help you paddle.

    Good luck and I will be praying for you,

    **{{Hugs}}**

    Posted 2 years ago by Bogman, Clark and Andy's mama 2/27 Florida #

11. 

    Ange, try to post something at the college. There's sure to be people there looking for roommates. Jo said it well, it's an experience to move away from home. Being on your own like that and taking care of yourself will give you a great feeling of accomplishment and it'll be nice for you not to have to depend on your stepdad any longer.
    I'm currently renting the back of a house with my own entry, bath and kitchen area for very little money. When my car died, I decided not to get another and spend the money. Now I'm living close enough to work and things that I can bike or take public transportation and save a lot on car payments, insurance and gas. I'm able to save up money, and eventually I'll be able to move on with some money in the bank.
    Anyway, you may be able to find a great living situation, renting a room somewhere, or finding a place to share with a roommate or two. You may even be able to continue saving up, so if your friend does find a steady job, you may still be able to find a place together. If the wait's only until next summer, maybe you should just try the roommate situation untl then, and get out of your stepdad's house while you wait.

    Posted 2 years ago by GreatDane #

12. 

    Ange, very sorry to hear of your difficult situation. Everyone has given excellent advice. I will keep you in my prayers and hope for a good resolution for you soon. Hugs and Purrs, Lynn

    Posted 2 years ago by Lynn from PA 6/8 #

13. 

    I wish to thank everyone for the sound advice and suggestions. I will definitely look into them. Just a few clear ups though. I finished college in December 06 were I recieved my preliminary multiple subject credential. So dorms and college roomies are out but the rest I wwill look into. Thank you all, and I no I need to do something soon before this esculates anymore. Becuase I know my mom is going to be put in the middle and I don't what her to have to chose or take sides.

    Ange

    Posted 2 years ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

14. 

    Good luck, Ange. You are a smart woman. You will be able to problem solve your way through this. {{{hugs}}}

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #

15. 

    I know I can figure this out but the support, prayers, hugs, and headbonks make it easier. I know I'm not alone and someone else understandss my problem.

    Posted 2 years ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

16. 

    Of course....we can never underestimate the power of TDK! :-) This is a wonderful family and a great place to come for support.

    Posted 2 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #

17. 

    Ange, I think Jo's suggestion "put your goals in writing and give copies to your mother and step-dad". Then maybe you can sit down and discuss what your plans are.

    I am now working a temp assignment in Milpitas so I know what kind of traffic you are talking about. I also know about how expensive housing can be. I think the best option for you is to consider a share rental till you can save some money.

    I wish you the best. You are an amazing person to work so hard and achieve so much. Hugs and purrs.

    Posted 2 years ago by SylvesterMiasMomma #

18. 

    I agree with you and Jo Karin. I will use this weekend to figure out my goals and then share with my parents. I know Mom will listen and talk but not so sure about Step-dad.
    One question is a shared rental the same as roommates?

    Thank you again. Love this family. Even though cookies can start load of trouble. LOL! When I need a laugh TGK is there and when I need to talk and share you are all here. Plus I love sharing your stories too whether good or bad and I just love the way that TDK'ers pool to gather there good vibes and prayers for those in need.

    You are all wonderful!
    Love, hugs, and definitely purrs and headbutts (mind you purrs and headbutts from my future felines). Another strong reason to settle this problem as soon as possible.

    Ange

    Posted 2 years ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

19. 

    Good Evening: Here is another suggestion -- try looking for and/or posting an ad in Craigslist. It is free and you may find something quickly. http://sfbay.craigslist.org/

    Networker

    Posted 2 years ago by Networker #

20. 

    Share rentals are the same as roommates. It all depends on how they post their place. Some share rentals just mean that you are renting a room and have priviledges to use the kitchen but not the rest of the place. Other places are share rentals which mean you have roommates who you share the place with. If you find a share rental, you might want to discuss with them all that you are willing to put up with and any rules that might be something to work out with them. Something like no overnight guests, no smoking, etc. Check out www.craigslist.org for listings on apartments, share rentals and roommate listings. Good luck.

    Hugs and purrs to you.

    Posted 2 years ago by SylvesterMiasMomma #

21. 

    Thanks Karin and networker I will look now.
    Ange

    Posted 2 years ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

22. 

    Looks like great minds think alike! :)

    Networker

    Posted 2 years ago by Networker #

23. 

    Definitely, Networker! :-)

    Posted 2 years ago by SylvesterMiasMomma #

24. 

    Okay list done. Went over well with Mom. Stepdad didn't even stay to listen. He said I'm being stupid becuase theres no way I will be able to move out on my own and pay my bills. So no reason to listen to my sh**!

    My current goal is to find a place and move by Jan 21st at the latest. If not back up plan is by late May early June. The sooner the better. I will have to do this on my own because my parents can't lend me any money though my mom has offered without talking to stepdad to continue to pay my almost $400 a month medical coverage through Kaiser. I told her thanks but if I need help it will only be to cover half of it. Don't want to cause the sh** to hit the fan between her and stepdad.

    So I have some goals and plans. Will keep you posted on my progress.
    Ange

    Posted 2 years ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

25. 

    Good going, Ange! Now find a way to reach your goals. Keep visualizing them and everyday, do some little something to come a little closer to them. Never give up hope. And you'll reach those goals. Your mind will find a way to make your goals become a reality. That's what is meant by the old saying "you make your own reality."

    Don't worry about Stepdad. When he sees how serious you are about reaching your goals, he'll come around. Don't let him stop you from reaching for the sky. Your mother is proud of you, if it went over well with her. Just keep remembering that. And don't give up. Bravo, Ange!

    Posted 2 years ago by Jo in Blairsville #

26. 

    Good for you, Ange. At least you've made a good start. We're always here to listen if you need to vent. Call on us anytime.

    God bless and good luck!

    Posted 2 years ago by MaxandCali'sMom #

27. 

    What a great start, Ange. Now keep your chin up and your focus forward. Wishing you all the best in your plans. Blessings.

    Posted 2 years ago by paulajeanne #

28. 

    Good start Ange, sorry your Stepdad wasn't more supportive though. Hope he does eventually come round; if he doesn't, HIS loss! xx

    Posted 2 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #

29. 

    Ange, I'm glad to hear you've made a plan! Don't let your stepdad bother you too much. It sounds like he doesn't have much positive to contribute, and you will probably be surprised by how much better your life becomes without having to deal with his negativity on a daily basis, about every little thing.

    Keep focused and looking forward to the day when you're out!

    Posted 2 years ago by anncetera2 #

30. 

    Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support. Right now I think I need to look into medical choices and see if there's a way to minamize them. If not I may just forfeit medical coverage until I get a perm job. I have to cover all dental and eye costs out of pocket. My only concern will be my high blood pressure and thyroid medications. Which I have to keep up on. If I could find a better way to cover medical then it wont be $400 a month so one less cost. I'm not quite sure how else to cut costs to help save money/expenses but I need my car to get to work in multiple school districts which means I have my car insurace(6 mon)/license registrations(1 a year), every 6 month $250-$300 for dental, I don't go out, or shop unless for work clothes or need more comfy close (hate to clothes shop so lucky there) my only usual expense is my Friday night dinner (no one cooks on Fridays but never more than $16-$18 depending on where I eat no fast food maybe why more expensive)(already have to watch my weight and food intake becuase of slow metabolism and family history both sides of diabetis (Spelling?)). So not sure where to cut anymore, my only other vice is an ocassional DVD or book. And I need those as an outlet for stress relief as well as to take me out of the moment for a little while.

    Any suggestions?

    Thanks again.
    Ange

    Posted 2 years ago by Momma to 2 MaineCoons #

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