Raising a venti frappucino to Bob and his Momma Lisaeylau. Hugs and purrs.
Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs
Grieving for Bob
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Posted 3 years ago by SylMiaFelixsMomma #
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Oh, Lisa, grief is never easy; just when we think we're getting better, something happens to jerk us back to "emotional overload". Just know these "jerks" become fewer and farther apart with time. Bob only wants you to have happy memories of your time together. And, he is watching out for you always.... Have as much of that wonderful frappaccino as you want! {{{{Hugs}}}}
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Thank you, guys, for helping me feel normal. I just about croaked over a display of cat collars. Good thing Wal-Mart is the great equalizer--nobody looks at anybody doing anything odd in there. 'Cause I was pretty odd there for a few minutes.
I've had so much fun lately playing with Bob's girlfriend....Or, rather, letting her play with my toes. I've named her Trixie, after Trixie the ragged-but-sweet prostitute on the HBO series Deadwood. Seemed appropriate since CJ is named after the Calamity Jane character. And the Trixie character was bedraggled but pretty and had a maternal instinct a mile wide. Perfect!
Trixie is getting sweeter and sweeter, she rubs all over me, loves my feet and toes, I just can't touch her with my hands. She sliced me open again last night. Maybe I should have named her Ginsu.
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Lisa, perhaps Trixie will eventually lick something like plain yogurt from your fingers. In the meantime, perhaps if you hold your hand grasping your calf or something, she'll rub up against your calf and not even realize she's also rubbing up against your hand. Don't wiggle your hand or fingers, though; just be content that she's rubbing up against it.
Will you be able to trap Trixie to get her fixed soon?
As far as grief goes... the strangest things can bring it to the surface of one's mind. I know you miss Bob terribly, so it's not surprising that the place his favorite food came from would trigger memories. You're doing fine, all things considered.
Posted 3 years ago by anncetera2 #
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Some friends who live out in the country are bringing over a live trap tomorrow. They move ferals off their land to preserve the songbirds. Funny, isn't it? How everyone has a different viewpoint on which critter they prefer?
I have a plan to con my vet into fixing her for me at cost. He's so sweet, he sent me a huge bouquet the day after I lost Bob. I'm betting he'll do it.
Reading about Abby got me bawling again. I'm pitiful.
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Lisa, you're full of grief, pain, and sorrow. The loss of companionship, whether human or otherwise, takes time to recover from. The longer and closer the relationship, the longer it usually takes. This is completely normal, not pitiful in the slightest!
I count the relationship many people have with their pets as being closer than with many other people, because pets offer unconditional, uncritical love (which most people cannot offer).
Please, be as gentle and kind to yourself and your feelings, as you always were to Bob. I'm certain he'd want it that way.
Posted 3 years ago by anncetera2 #
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Anncetera, you're so sweet. And you're right. I never make any bones about the fact that my babies are...well....my babies!
I did kinda figure out this week something that's really bugging me about Bob. And that is that I don't have his ashes. Since the last time I lost a kitty the cost of creamation with ashes returned went from $99 to $269! At first I thought the cost was only astronomical because we were at the emerg. vet in the middle of the night. But I talked to my regular vet in the morning and no, that's usual and customary now.
Well, in my new circumstances--idiotic mid-life student loan, building a practice, one-foot-in-one-career-one-foot-in-old-career-blah, blah, etc., I'm living on a shoestring, and I just couldn't get him back. I DID have him cremated, though, which was still $100+150 for the euthanasia. Shriek! I couldn't bear the idea of Bob in a mass grave.
Soooo...there's Mr. Kitten, Kerrie, and Jasmine up on the bookshelf...and no Bob. I hate myself. I know I've got to pull it together. And I will. I promise. Really.
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Do you have Bob's collar and some of his favorite toys? Put them in something that looks like an urn and put that on the bookshelf. The collar, the toys -- they are things that Bob knew and loved and they are part of his soul.
You just need to have a "memory urn" of your sweet baby. I have a mojo jar with some hair from my beloved Siamese, Daisy. Although Daisy is at the Bridge, I need some little foolish mementos of that dear sweet cat. And that's all I need to be comforted. Her small body is nourishing some tree, but now Daisy is free of pain and plays every day. And she waits for me.
Daisy and Bob are good friends. They will wait until we get there. We are left behind to handle things the best way we can, and one of the ways to deal with grief is to just grieve. Just cry. It's OK. Remember, and cry, and go on.
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Lisa, I think Emma's suggestions are good ones. Please take whatever steps you need to take, in order to feel some sense of closure about Bob's body.
Posted 3 years ago by anncetera2 #
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I'm sending my two little kits through the worm hole tonight to stay with you and your babies. The wheezing purr you will hear is from Ruggles, my kissy boy, and the little whiffle-snore belongs to Rotley.
And I hope you will sleep in peace all through the long and blessed night.
Much love,
Emma -
Lisa, I know just how you feel...I'm still going thru the same thing with Mr.Bug..His vet bills were so high for the last several months that I too could not afford to keep his ashes...I have everything that was special to him and many framed pictures..I treasure them and his memory...that's all I can do now!!
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Lisa, Whe I lost my beloved clueless cat, we buried her in the back yard and planted a bleeding heart bush over her. It about killed me when we moved from that house and I had to leave her behind. There is a bleeding heart in my new yard as a reminder of her. Also, there is an artist in my town that specializes in animal portraits. She had done a portrait of a bluepoint siamese that looked just like Clueless. I couldn't afford the original, but she did a miniature giclee of it and I have that giclee on my mantle flanked by candles. My hubby calls it the cluey shrine and acknowledges that she was the best cat that ever was or ever will be. Its been almost 7 years now and I still miss her. Maybe you can frame a picture of Bob and place it next to the urns.
Posted 3 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #
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2b, thanks for your post, I was agonizing about Hootie as we were in such shock he went off to the creamatorium and we don't know where his ashes are. We do know the pet cemetery that is there and we visit it and think that his ashes are strewn around there somewhere. We did get a big memory stone for him that is in our garden. The good thing about that is we can take the stone if we move. Sammy bonded with the stone before it got to the garden. I think there is a pic on Sammy's page of him with the Hootie stone. We have kept his memory fresh with a memory book of his life with us. It helps a lot ...
Posted 3 years ago by HootiesMama #
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THWACK THWACK!
(sound of Lisa whacking her empty head on keyboard)
Help! I've lost my brain and I don't know where I left it!These are great suggestions. I DO need to make a Bob box, in a tiny cedar chest just like the other three. I don't have any of the collars he wore--he lost them all. The last one came off in the coyote encounter. But I *do* have a new one I had bought for him to wear next...orange, for Longhorn baseball season. And many photos. And his favorite toy. a rat in boxer shorts. He only liked this one inside toy, preferring to play with the real thing outside. And I have a photo of "his" kittens, still in the camera. Time to get that developed and up on Catster so you guys can see them.
I'm just stunned at how much it hurts late at night when I want and need to sleep. It feels like something gets me around my throat and I just can't breathe. I can image his muscular weight, and long face and soulful eyes. The way he slept on his back with two paws in the air, just like a baby. If I petted him in his sleep he would purr and grab my hand and not let go until he was back in deep slumber again...but never open his eyes. I remember the night he appeared, out of the dark, squawking his little lungs out, two raccoons right behind him.
I remember when I took him to get neutered, the vet came out when I picked him up and said a man had seen him walking around the clinic and told the vet to offer me $100 for Bob. The vet told the man I wouldn't consider it. The man said "tell her $500." The vet told the man I'd found Bob and didn't have papers on him. Still, the guy said. He just liked how Bob looked. Knowing I was in graduate school, the vet said he'd mention it, but still doubted I'd take it. He was right.
And I just want him back.
Emma, can you spare Ruggles and Rotley again? Misty slept on the VCR last night--crying makes her nervous.
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A Bob box is a great idea, Lisa. Now stop whacking your head on your keyboard!! I don't have the remains from either of my dogs who've gone over the bridge, but I did hang onto their collars for quite a while. It is comforting to have something you can touch that is "of" them.
Your memories of Bob are very sweet. He sounds like a wonderful kitty companion. Digit and Furl are getting this worm hole travel down. They are available for snuggles tonight if Ruggles and Rotley can't make it. :D
Posted 3 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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Ruggles and Rotley are on their way through the worm hole right now. They have a large basket for you, and everything in it is for you and your babies, including the basket!
In the basket are the lads' favorite snacks to share with your babies, some chocolate dipped biscotti for your breakfast, a dozen lemon-rosemary cupcakes that I whipped up a few minutes ago -- they are still hot, and the glaze is a little runny -- and several "camo mouse" toys, and fresh catnip that I cut from my garden.
Ruggles was worried about the amount of stuff in the basket. "Could Lisa invite Digit and Furl? There's too much here just for us and Lisa and her kitties. And maybe Windi and Willow?" Ruggles always gets a very furrowed little forehead when he worries and then he makes this funny, anxious little chirpy sound.
Rotley told him to calm down, all would be well, and that if Digit and Furl and Windi and Willow could come, that would be lovely! And if they can't come, everyone will still have a wonderful time.
By the way, Lisa, both lads were wondering if there was any more of that delightful cream that you gave them the first time they visited. I told them there may be, but they are there to give comfort, not to steal the cream!
The two little lads are headed over to you right now.
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Digit and Furl are excited to meet Ruggles and Rotley for an overnight! It's OK with KW if Lisa is willing to include them in the invitation. If not, there will be another time.
Posted 3 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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*three mischievous Rainbow Bridge kitties sneak in to crash the party. C.C., Pepper, and Rusty look around the room then go over to say 'hi' to the other kitties. Soon, loud purrs fill the room as happy cats begin sharing stories of this world and the next. As bedtime comes around, they all surround Lisa making sure to leave plenty of room for her kitties. The room is filled with the sounds of contented purring along with some playing by the kitties who cannot sleep yet. Soon, everybody is contentedly settled down for the night. C.C., Pepper, and Rusty curl up but stay awake as if keeping watch.*
Posted 3 years ago by owlwatcher_974 #
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It's a paaaaaarty! Digit and Furl, Ruggles and Rotley, Willow and Windi are cordially invited to join Misty and CJ for a lovefest. CJ has caught a "click" bug and would love to have friends to bat it back and forth with! Misty is even awake! Emma, how did you know about my "thing" for lemon and rosemary??? Can you put that recipe on the cafe???
This household is never without real cream, real sugar, real Coke, yogurt, and the makings for Mexican food. So by the time everyone is bundled up to go home manana, all will have had a chance to lick something yummy off a spoon or my fingers. I like to sit down in the kitchen floor and we have morning time. Morning time gets better with every set of whiskers that's added.
Okay, we're all off to bed...kitties, Lisa, basket, blanket, teapot of decaf earl gray, and a packet of Greenies! Thank you all for sharing/coming! No tears tonight. Just giggles and snorgles. Wish you were here!!!
oxoxox
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Owlwatcher! You sent your heaven-babies, too! This is getting better and better. Misty and CJ and I feel like princesses for a day--or a night. I think I better change out of this holey Hanes t-shirt into something more company-appropriate.
Wish you could see the baby ferals on my porch. They have played hard all day and are snoozing hard.
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One by one, warm sleepy kitties find their way to the kitchen...the coffee has already made itself, the newspaper's already whacked the front door (who needs an alarm clock when I have a Roger Clemens Wannabe for a delivery boy?) Cream slurps for everybody, this is a great way to get sweet morning kisses. Lisa rubs noses with all her night-time slumber party pals. Who sez a queen size bed won't hold 11 cats and one "fluffy" lady?
So who was the 11th kitty? Well, you may not believe it. 'Cause I didn't believe it at first, but someone coming over the Bridge must have told Bob he was needed at home. I woke up in the night, and, for the first time, felt his heavy, muscular weight on my foot exactly where he used to sleep. I didn't move a muscle, I was afraid I'd disturb the moment.
I just held the sensation as long as I could fight sleep. Naturally he and his pals from Over There were already gone when I woke up. I suspect they have work that's more important and special than we earthbound moms could ever comprehend...people and kitties to guard, prayers to say, games to play..
So into the wormhole hops Digit and Furl...they go one way....Ruggles and Rotley go next...don't know if Willow and Windi made it, they may have come and gone in the night...and CJ's not telling, she likes having secrets...CC, Pepper and Rusty apparently made an early departure with sweet Bob. They come and go like fog, so quiet.
Lisa, CJ and Misty are alone in the kitchen floor now, heads bowed. Anyplace is alter, when you need to say a prayer of thanks for the blessing of friends.
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Lisa,
Bob was there with you. Which is such a bittersweet feeling. Sometimes I feel Bastian and I do the same. I don't move so the feeling doesn't go away. They are letting us know they are still with us and still love us.
I don't know where Bastians ashes are. However, the vet sent me a card with her paw prints on it and a tuft of her fur. So I made an album of pictures and I put her fur and pawprints in there. It's been 3 years and I still miss her and I still cry :)Posted 3 years ago by cricketsmama #
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CM, Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish, I had his huge paw prints on paper! There are muddy ones on the window he came and went through--my bedroom window. He'd knock on the window ( I removed the screen) and I'l get up and let him in any hour of the day or night. I refuse to clean the window, but a big rain is going to get those prints one day.
Fortunately, I *do* have photos that show those big paws!
I occasionally see see Jasmine's black, shiny seal-colored tail whip past (I know, I'm crazy). I always know she's never far away. Somehow she even hitched a ride to my mom's house for Christmas with us the first Christmas after she died. Mom and I (thought we) saw her all week that week. But making a connection with Bob has been harder. I'm so relieved I could feel him!
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and pain, too. I wish I could take it away for you. I absolutely *love* that photo of Cricket you have on Catster.
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Digit and Furl were sleepy but happy when they returned home this morning, Lisa. They thank you for their first taste of cream. (They are still licking their faces!) I'm going to put cream on our shopping list. :)
I'm so glad you had a visit from Bob last night. I think he wants you to know he is OK and that he is always close by.
Posted 3 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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Willow and Windi plopped through the worm hole this morning drowsy from tummies full of cream. They were very excited about seeing Bob comforting his mama. They asked Bob, when he returns back over the Bridge, to please give Bombalurina, Skimbleshanks, Willie and Mandy a special kiss from their mama.
Posted 3 years ago by WillowandWindismom #
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How very sweet. You all painted such a lovely picture of the party I have warm fuzzy feelings just from reading about it.It's so nice that Bob came to see you Lisa.
Jasper and Bobbi are in line for the next through the worm hole party. Jasper has fine white fur like a rabbit and although shy at first when he lays on your lap he goes completely limp and spreads out to an incredible length so you REALLY know he's there. Bobbi Sue is a short little creature who doesn't meow but says "mah?".She too likes to cuddle but she looks you in the eye and continues to talk to you to make sure you're alright before she naps.
They'll bring fresh catnip and a loaf of homemade wheat bread,just be sure to avoid the little bite marks from where they sampled it.
I hope you're feeling better Lisa,I know it's SO hard. -
Thank you so much for hosting such a lovely night party for the kits! Rotley and Ruggles emerged from the worm hole this morning chattering about the presence of Bob and what a handsome cat he is. Bob told them all about the Bridge, so there are no fears anymore.
When they got in, Ruggles was especially verbal. Since he is a coonie/Manx mix, he told Rotley that even though he (Rotley) looks exactly like Bob, he (Ruggles) shares the same bloodlines, so both lads are feeling very close to their new friend Bob right now.
Both boys are conked out for their post-prandial nap, and they've finally cleaned their whiskers of all traces of cream. They also said to thank you for the Catster gifts -- they have been purring all day about those!
Be comforted, Lisa. All is well, and all are well!
Much love,
Emma -
Thank you so much for hosting such a lovely night party for the kits! Rotley and Ruggles emerged from the worm hole this morning chattering about the presence of Bob and what a handsome cat he is. Bob told them all about the Bridge, so there are no fears anymore.
When they got in, Ruggles was especially verbal. Since he is a coonie/Manx mix, he told Rotley that even though he (Rotley) looks exactly like Bob, he (Ruggles) shares the same bloodlines, so both lads are feeling very close to their new friend Bob right now.
Both boys are conked out for their post-prandial nap, and they've finally cleaned their whiskers of all traces of cream. They also said to thank you for the Catster gifts -- they have been purring all day about those!
Be comforted, Lisa. All is well, and all are well!
Much love,
Emma -
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