Hi all,some of you know of my struggle w/ depression in the past. I can handle most things,a job,taking care of my parents and all but I've bitten off more than I can chew w/ trying to help my nephew.He is very angry/depressed and taking it out on everyone around him that his life is not what it was. He will not take any ownership in where his life is right now,he will not get help of any kind although there is a local clinic with a sliding scale fee plan that I've told him about.He needs to see his pain management,he won't.I know the job market is down but he is being pretty picky about jobs and has no income. I can't continue to support him,carry him emotionally or tolerate his outbursts anymore. I have way more than enough to do taking care of my parents(something I usually enjoy doing) and managing this household. He is spiralling down and taking me with him. I am on the verge of tears and upset all the time now. I don't know what to do. He acts like if anyone gives him an ultimatum he'll go off the deep end.
Please I need some prayers and I'm open to any advice. Thanks.
Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs
Through the looking glass.....(request for prayers)
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I am praying for you Buttercup! Please don't let him bring you down... and please stay safe if his outbursts turn violent. Is there anyone else in your family that can help you care for him?? Do you have a counselor to help you deal with your depression??? If so, I would definitely ask them how to handle him and maybe see if they would do some sort of home visit and come talk with your nephew. Also, if worse comes to worse, don't be afraid to kick him out... or call the police and have them take him somewhere so he is forced to get help...
Posted 3 years ago by dieselsmom #
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I'm so sorry you're having this problem. Is there anyone else you know who could talk to him, perhaps get him to go for some help? Sending prayers and white light to you and your entire family. If nothing else, please,please take care of yourself before you try to take care of him.
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At the risk of sounding coldhearted, let him go off the deep end. You have to save yourself - you have done PLENTY for him. Your mental health is just as important as his is. I'll pray for you, sweetie.
He'll never get any better if he doesn't get help.
I know you're just trying to help him, but he doesn't seem to appreciate that. Look after yourself. Please.
Posted 3 years ago by HuddysMama #
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I hate to say it but if he is trying to drag you down with him, it sounds like you need to get an intervention going or make him go with you to a counselor. He sounds like he needs to possibly be hospitalized for 48-72 hours for observation.
I am sorry you are going through this. Depression is really hard to deal with. Hugs and prayers that you get through this and that Nephew finally decides to get help.
Posted 3 years ago by SylvesterMiasMomma #
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Buttercup. What he is doing is blackmail. What you are doing is enabling. I have watched my best friends parents go through this with their oldest son. Now at an age when they should be retired, they are still working to support a 57 year old son who quits jobs when he gets bored or asked to improve his job performance. They pay for his apartment and living expenses and he does nothing in return. He does not help them with yardwork, taking care of the house...nothing. This boy is not your burden to bear. Where are his parents and why are they leaving this emotional and financial burden to you? Call his bluff. Tell him to shape up, get a job by May 1, get into counseling or get out. Give him the address of the homeless shelters in your area. Empower yourself. Tell him that if he doesn't meet your terms AND do his share for the household then he is welcome to wallow in self pity at a shelter. If he makes threats then do not take ownership of that. Tell him he is an adult making his own decisions and living with the consequences of his actions and mean it. Stop now or you will be his emotional prisioner forever.
Posted 3 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #
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Do it, Buttercup-don't enable him anymore, he is NOT your resposibility. If his parents have had enough it's time to turn him over to social services.
Posted 3 years ago by Sheba's Mom in Raleigh, NC #
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Buttercup - I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time with your nephew. I'm sending prayers and white light as well. But I agree with the others; you cannot go on trying to save him from himself or he will bring you down with him. I just wish I had some good advice as to how you can extricate yourself. I know it is one thing to know in your head what you need to do, and quite another to actually be able to put your plan into action. Just remember that you are your own first responsibility. If he is not willing to help himself, then nothing you try to do will really help. You've done your best, but you can't do the impossible. Just remember that we're here for you! {{{HUGS}}}
Posted 3 years ago by Rubia in CA, 4/28 #
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Buttercup, you know that often times with this type of illness, the person never sees that they need help. If you wait for him to agree he will pull you right down with him. It does sound cold hearted, but you do need to give him an ultimatim. It is in his best interest and is certainly in yours.
{{{{hugs and prayers}}}}
Posted 3 years ago by WillowandWindismom #
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just out of curiosity.. how old is your nephew, Buttercup? And good for you for taking a stand! Make his parents shape up too while you're at it! Tell them that you can't handle the stress of caring for THEIR son anymore and that they need to take responsibility for him.
Posted 3 years ago by dieselsmom #
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A united front is so important, Buttercup. That way he cannot single you out as the "bad" one in the family. Besides, you need the support.
Posted 3 years ago by WillowandWindismom #
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Buttercup, give him the ultimatum and if he pulls the deep end stuff call 911 on him. If you in anyway think he is a danger to you or himself then he can be taken in for observation and maybe then he can get the help he truely needs. I have had to do this for friends before and know how hard it is. I will definitly pray for you and your nephew.
Posted 3 years ago by TheKnittingNinja #
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Stay strong and stay united! He's 41 years old and needs to learn to take responsibility for himself and his actions. He needs help and it seems like he's not going down without a fight... so give him a fight! Call the police and have him taken to a hospital, notify his parents and have them resume his care while he is in the hospital, and when he gets out.. he isn't your responsibility anymore! :)
Posted 3 years ago by dieselsmom #
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Buttercup I am sending you strong positive thoughts!
Posted 3 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #
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Oh Buttercup...I don't know how I missed this post two days ago but I'm horrified and so sorry that this nephew is creating such a disturbance in your life. You so lovingly cared for him when his problems began but for him to still be in this position....no...it's truly not your responsibility. KyKat said it perfectly...God Bless and do keep us posted. You do what's good for you. Nephew must find other sources to solve his dilemas. It's not your job. Tell him...If you must wash your hands of him that you will..tell him to make immediate decisions about moving and work.{{{hug}}}
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Hi and thanks to all who responded.I feel much better today. My nephew came back in a better state of mind talking about possible job opportunites,how he's going to help w/ rent,etc.I don't know what to believe anymore but here's hoping. I'm not going to tolerate any juvenile behavior though.
Thanks again. -
still praying for you! hope he comes through and does start to help out :)
Posted 3 years ago by dieselsmom #
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I missed this until today Buttercup. This sounds just awful. However if his parents are not helping, then please don't feel like you should be the responsible one. For all we know his parents have given up because he treated them the way that he treats you. You need to take care of yourself. These relationships can be very toxic and you don't need that. If he has sought any professional help, maybe they will agree to be present when you tell him that its' time to move on. I am glad to day is a "better day", but without help maybe it's just a matter of time before there ois another "bad day" He has clearly put you on a "guilt trip", but you are not even a parent, just a relative who tried to do the best and it just hasn't worked out.
Well, enough said, I do offer you my prayers and well wishes.Posted 3 years ago by Tigerlilly #
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nephew is 41 ???
that's way too old for a male to act like a boy...
unless he has severe mental problems, he needs to be dumped on his ass so he can pull himself up by his bootstraps. he'll learn how to take care of his needs real fast...or not...
sorry, but that's the way I feel...
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Buttercup, I'm so sorry I didn't see these posts until now. My positive thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you deal with your 41 year old nephew. With added support from your parents, just keep on trucking, and bright white light and prayers will continue your way...
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Hang in there, Buttercup. Sending white light and prayers, with a few headbonks and purrs thrown in for good measure~
Posted 3 years ago by Ouize in Central FL (6/19) #
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