Daily Kitten Chat Forum » General Chat

1. 

   Well, the decision has been made as far as a divorce. He will be moving out at the end of the month. As soon as the boys are out of school and headed to FL for summer break with their father I will be packing up and moving on.

   Here is my problem, If I tell my ex that we are moving while the boys are with him for the summer, I expect him to try and keep them and not allow me to take them with me.

   When we divorced in 2000, the court papers stated that if one parent intended to move 50 miles farther than the town we lived in at that time we must give the other parent 90 days notce. I did so when we moved out of state in 2003, the courts allowed us to move and the boys have remained with me since.

   The ex is a minipulative jerk and I have a strong feeling that he will try and take the boys. When we moved here to IL in 2005, I told him we were moving and he didn't have an issue with it. I just feel that since the boys will be there with him for the summer he will try what ever he can to screw me and take them.

   I know, get a lawyer. I am trying to find a low cost or pro bono lawyer, but so far no luck. Part of me just wants to wait and tell him after I get the boys back with me. I don't know what to do.

   Thanks for listening.

   Posted 1 year ago by daisy mew #

2. 

   Do the boys know where you are thinking of moving? If so they will talk sooner or later. If not, keep moving plans close to your vest.

   Your options are stay where you are until you have them back then move. Move back to FL if only for a while. Move to Idaho and plan on another court battle to either get the boys back (if he keeps them without a court order or your approval you can charge kidnapping).

   Two things in your favor. He is behind on child support. You have a support structure (relative) in Idaho.

   You already know to get a Lawyer.

   Posted 1 year ago by ailuromaniac #

3. 

   Julie, First at least you are getting out of a bad situation. Now, as for your ex, I can't even begin to advise on that. I am here for you if you need to talk, you can always email me ukforjen@yahoo.com. Would the ex try to even understand that you are taking his kids out of a bad situation and make it better for them ?? I am sorry honey.

   Posted 1 year ago by cricketsmama #

4. 

   i would say maybe draft a letter and send it to his lawyer or to the judge assigned to your case, that way the courts are already aware of you telling your ex your plans to move, so that if he DOES try anything, the courts already know what is going on, and may do more to intervene.

   you really have no choice but to give him 90 days notice, otherwise it just makes you look bad.

   Posted 1 year ago by dieselsmom #

5. 

   You do need to give him the 90 days notice, and make sure to keep a paper trail on that. If you do not follow court orders, no matter how much in the wrong he is, he will have something legally to hold against you. Good luck finding a lawyer as this is what you really need right now.Best wishes.

   Posted 1 year ago by Tigerlilly #

6. 

   Okay I guess I missed part of this..where are you planning on moving?? and yes I totally agree with DM draft the letter and send it first to X's lawyer and the court..

   Posted 1 year ago by 2bpurring #

7. 

   I'd give him the 90 days' notice as well, Julie. You do not want anything against you in case of a future legal battle with the ex. He's going to be the one who'll be in trouble if he tries to keep the boys.
   I'm so glad you're getting out of your marriage - it's very harmful to your kids to grow up in that kind of environment. We already know how terrible it has been for you.
   Have you decided whether you'll go to Idaho or Florida?

   Posted 1 year ago by GreatDane #

8. 

   I agree with notifying the lawyer and leaving it up to him to contact the ex. As long as he gets his summer visitation it really shouldn't matter to him where you live. Out of town is out of town. If you send the notification now, you will have the chance to see if he responds to it before the boys get on a plane. In your letter to the lawyer, tell him you need the response to the move BEFORE the date of summer visitation. If he is going to fight you on it, then you have the option of not putting the boys on the plane and using the back child support as the reason.

   Posted 1 year ago by KYKAT 12 23 #

9. 

   My heart aches for you Julie. I can offer no advice other than what has been suggested - get a lawyer. I keep you in my thoughts often and send you positive and heart-healing energies.

   Posted 1 year ago by 2 Popoki #

10. 

    I agree with KYKAT... send the letter now, that way you will know how he is going to react- before you give him the boys.

    Although, my sister tried using the back child support as a reason to with-hold visitation, and the courts did not like that... they told her that being behind on child support is NOT a good enough reason to keep the child(ren) away... the system may be different in your state though, but I would check that out first...

    If your ex has no objections to your moving...you probably don't need a lawyer yet, so concentrate your efforts on writing that letter, and dealing with your current issues, and loving your boys :)

    Hugs to you and your boys!

    Posted 1 year ago by dieselsmom #

11. 

    How are the boys doing, Julie? They must know that something is wrong. Please reassure them that none of this is their "fault." Kids have a way of concluding that if they had only been better behaved, etc., the parents would not have split up. I know current husband is not their biological father, but he has been their father figure for most of their lives. This is affecting them and they are powerless to do anything about it.

    Posted 1 year ago by Kitten Whisperer #

12. 

    I second what has been said here:

    "You do need to give him the 90 days notice, and make sure to keep a paper trail on that. If you do not follow court orders, no matter how much in the wrong he is, he will have something legally to hold against you."

    Kitten Whisperer just gave really good advice posted above.

    Also, rn4restrn, not to cause paranoia but I would not continue to discuss what you are planning to do here as your current husband may know about this site. This site is a public site and all they have to do is google your screen name.

    It sounds like through all the good information and advice here, that you have things figured out. Hugs and purrs at this very stressful time for you.

    Posted 1 year ago by SylvesterMiasMomma #

13. 

    Very good point about being cautious in this site SaM.

    Posted 1 year ago by Tigerlilly #

14. 

    Yes, julie...you were not here yet when SMM was getting separated and preparing to divorce...her husband joined TDK and decided to give us *his* side of the story. Like we cared to hear it! And he got ripped to shreds on here--especially by Lynn who tore him a new one right here on TDK!

    Posted 1 year ago by Catwoman #

15. 

    You have got to be kidding me!! Oh my..I wasn't around then either. I am sorry you had to deal with that SMM!!

    Posted 1 year ago by cricketsmama #

16. 

    Julie, it has to be some relief not to feel the axe suspended over your head any more! Now, for the next step. Agree, with the others, inform the lawyer now of your intent to move. You do not want to be put in the position of hiding your intentions. Lots of white light and hugs heading your way, sweetie!

    Posted 1 year ago by paulajeanne #

17. 

    I'm telling you, everyone was mad but Lynn was a force to be reckoned with! I'm glad I am on her good side!

    Posted 1 year ago by Catwoman #

18. 

    You and me both, Catwoman! I do recall how upset everyone was at him.

    Posted 1 year ago by SylvesterMiasMomma #

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