Leeny that is very beautiful..If it is okay with you, I would like to forward a copy of this to my Director and very dear friend who lost her mother yesterday...
Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs
Mother's day sadness
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I'm going to print it out and keep it, Leeny. Truly, truly beautiful.
Posted 4 years ago by WillowandWindismom #
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*wiping tears from her eyes*
That was so beautiful, Leeny.
To everybody who has posted on this thread,
I had no idea what I was starting yesterday when I came to this place and spilled out my feelings but I am glad I started this thread. My heart felt like it was breaking because I was missing my mom and my dad so much. But all the support and the beautiful stories and tributes everybody posted about their mothers made me feel so much better. There is so much healing power when people get together and share their memories and their feelings.
Thankyou to all of you.
Posted 4 years ago by owlwatcher_974 #
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OW, I was very grateful to you yesterday for starting this thread. It has been 11 years for me, and I try real hard not to remember that day but to think of all of the other days that I had my mom; of course that doesn't always work. It was so wonderful to be able to share our feelings and memories of our mothers. It helped to not be so sad. And now I have your post, and Leeny's beautiful poem, and I will keep them and pull them out on those days when the missing really hits.
Thank you so much.
Posted 4 years ago by WillowandWindismom #
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Today, I showed a picture of my mom and my hubby to Maddie(she's 18 months) and I said wheres Daddy? She pointed to him. So then I said where is grandma? She pointed right to my mom. I was so happy. Maddie was only 5 1/2 months when she passed. She only has one grandparent and it's my mother in law. It made me think that maybe, just maybe not only is my mom is in heaven with my dad, but watching over Maddie, the granddaughter she waited so long for me to have.
Maddie knows her, in her own way, I hope.
Leeny, that was beautiful what you wrote and I have to admit, I sat here and cried as I read it. I am so glad you started this thread OW. There are days I miss my mom, my friend so bad, I can't breathe and no one understands, my hubby tries, but he finds it awkward and doesn't know what to say or do. I want to talk about my mom but to who and I don't want to depress anyone. So thank you.Posted 4 years ago by cricketsmama #
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Thanks 2b. I don't even know where to start. I was her baby(she had me at 42 and with a 2nd marriage). My dad died when I was 7 and she always worked to keep us with a home and food. She had a difficult life all her life.
Anyway, on the surface she was gruff and could sound mean, but once you knew her, she was the sweetest person, would give you anything you asked for and never wanted to burden anyone. She could have a leg cut off and would still say, I didn't tell anyone, because they were busy and I didn't want to bother anyone. She cracked me up. She had a wicked sense of humor. She loved her cigarettes and in her younger days she smoked, drank and danced like a fiend!! She moved in with me and hubby due to her finanical state and then she had a mini stroke. She seemed to go downhill after that, mentally, and eventually after 3 years of caring for her I had to put her in a nursing home. That killed me. However, she thrived and made lots of friends, the staff LOVED her and she was made president of the resident council. She loved playing bingo, games, etc. I took her out every week for lunch or just to whatever. She always had her hair done once a week, she even said she didn't want to sleep on it because it went flat. I used to make her laugh so hard, she would tell me to stop it. She made me laugh too. We had a wonderful relationship in the last 10 years of her life. She was one of my best friends.
She told me I was going to have a girl when I told her I was pregnant. When I called her to tell her it was a girl(I found out early) she yelled it to the entire home, and you could hear them cheer. She got to hold Maddie the day after she was born then 2 months later in December she had 2 strokes that devestated her. She was not able to feed herself, walk, do anything by herself anymore and she knew it and was so upset. In April, she had her final stroke. I stayed overnight by her side for a week in the nursing home. They finally talked me into going home and resting. When I did, she passed. She passed at 12:05 on Good Friday, she was 81. That was her final goodbye to me, because everytime a clock would say 12:05 I would say, hey look it's my birthday and she would agree, and we would smile.
I miss her. I miss her so much.
Okay...I am crying now, so I must go splash some water on my face. Maddie just woke up from a nap. Thanks for "listening"Posted 4 years ago by cricketsmama #
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Please give Maddie a hug and a kiss for all of us, and for our mothers, too. Maddie is fortunate to have such a loving mama, and she also has a vertitable army of aunts.
Maddie will be blessed to carry on the tradition of fine and loving daughters, who become strong and loving mothers.
God bless!
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Please forgive the overly long post but I wanted to tell my story and I couldn't make it any shorter.
I have never really talked much about the day my mom passed away. It was nearly 10 years ago but it still seems almost unreal to me that it could have happened.
My dad had passed away in 1991. He died on the job drilling a water well. It's a long story so to make it short, the company messed up the measurements for the well. My dad had already turned in his notice and had told my mom that this well scared him. He was almost at the end of his two weeks and would have been free of that job when he somehow wound up at the bottom of a trench that wasn't shored up (company's orders - very long story) and the whole trench collapsed.
My mom was never the same after my dad passed away. She spend the first two years fighting a long court battle and trying to help me take care of my grandmother who had just had a bad stroke and needed 24 hr. care. After my grandmother passed away in 1993, my mom spent a lot of time at bingo and at the casino. She also went to church every Sunday and kept asking me to go to but I never went while she was alive.
My mom's health had been steadily deteriorating at this point. She had a bad knee, and her hips bothered her as well. She was still so young (52 when she passed away) and full of life, but her body was rebelling against her. The worst part was the hernia. She had the money to get the operation that would have taken care of it but she was afraid to have surgery. I can't remember when it was that she had the stroke that temporarily took the vision in one of her eyes, but she recovered fully from the stroke and began to lose the excess weight. She seemed to be doing very well except for that **** hernia.
But even though she was so happy and full of life, she missed my dad so much. It was as if she wasn't the same person after he died and I believe that God knew this and wasn't going to make her suffer here on this earth anymore.
On March 2, 1998, I went up to her house and found that she was very sick. One of her friends was there and kept trying to get her to go to the doctor. For some reason, I didn't feel as worried as her friend did though. It was as if I was blinded to what was happening. I did try to get her to go to the hospital but she refused and said she would be okay. I stayed up at her house that night doing all my normal chores and taking care of her animals. Afterward, I went to her computer and hung out in the chat rooms with my friends as usual but I kept looking in on my mom. The strange thing about that night, and if I had thought about it I would have never left that house, was that she did not want her dogs brought in and she even asked me to let C.C. stay outside. This was not like her because she always wanted her babies in the house. There were a lot of other strange things that had gone on in the past few weeks that did not make sense until after she passed away.
As I mentioned, I stayed up at her house playing around on the computer until about 4:00 in the morning when my mom finally seemed to be feeling a little better. Then I went in to where she was sleeping on the couch (which had become her bed after my dad died) told her I loved her, gave her a kiss, and left. I thought it was weird that she didn't tell me to be careful like she always did but I reasoned that she would tell me that again when she felt better the next day.
All day that next day, I felt strange. I felt as if I should call her but something kept telling me not to call. I reasoned that if she was still not feeling well, she would need her rest. But something didn't feel right. I went over to her house that evening and saw that the living room lights were out and that was when I knew something was wrong. I felt a short-lived sense of relief when I saw the kitchen lights where on until I realized that they were the same lights I had left on the night before and not the ones my mom usually turned on. I ran into the house calling, "Mom, Mom!" But there was no answer. I ran into the living room and found her laying on the couch where she had been when I had left early that morning. It looked like she was asleep but I knew that she wasn't sleeping. I knew she was gone.
At first I just wanted a rewind button.. anything to change what had happened.. she couldn't be dead. I stood in the middle of the room screaming -- wanting somebody to come help me, to tell me what to do. But nobody heard me and finally I calmed down. That was when I heard her voice -- like it was in my head and coming from all around me at the same time. "Mary, call 911 ... Mary, you have to call 911." It took a few minutes but I finally made the call, then called my roommate who was my boyfriend at the time, then I called my aunt. Soon the house was full of people. First the paramedics arrived, then my roommate who commented on the peaceful smile my mom had on her face, then family and her friends arrived.
Soon, they took her away and I was left alone in the house with my aunt. I have never felt so alone in my life and, if it hadn't been for my aunt staying with me and guiding me through those next few days, I never would have made it. She told me when it was time to eat, then got food for us, when it was time to go to sleep because of everything we had to do the next day, when it was time to go here and to go there and so forth. It was like I was an empty shell. But my mom did not leave me alone. I had a church family waiting for me to join them. They got me through some of the roughest times of my life and are still with me.
Sorry this was so long... there is a lot more to tell but this is where I will end things before this post gets any longer.
Posted 4 years ago by owlwatcher_974 #
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Oh, sweetheart, the hardest lesson we learn in this world is that you can't stay the hand of Death. That is because it is really the hand of God.
You did everything right. Everything. And my mother died a few hours after my father had left her hospital room. One of the nurses said, "She didn't want to die with him there. And she was a perfect lady -- she always knew when to leave the party."
Be at peace, dear. You did good, and you did it well. She just had to go, and we may argue with God about his timing, but everything is done in his own good time. The line in the Our Father, "thy will be done," well, it is done.
Much love and prayers for peace,
Emma -
Aww OW,you are such a talented writer,you convey what you went through so well that I feel like I was there with you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know that I've been darn lucky to have my Mom so long in my life. I'll be a basket case when she is gone.
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OW -- you are indeed a gifted writer. I felt everything emotion. I am sorry you lost your mother so young. She was younger than I am currently.
Seeing my mother gasping for air these past few days and wondering the final outcome has brought her mortality into the spotlight for me. I don't like it... it scares me. I have been blessed to have her this long... and pray that she is around for many more years.
thank you for opening your heart to us.
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Emma,
You can't possibly know how much what you have said means to me. I have felt guilty for all these years because I didn't make my mom go to the hospital. I felt like it was my fault she died.I remember coming home that morning and praying to God that my mom would be okay. He said to me, "Put her in my hands" so I prayed that He would take my mom's life into His hands. Then He said, "Good, now you won't feel guilty when she is gone tomorrow."
I thought it was all in my head -- that the conversation with God was my imagination so I didn't think much about it. Even when I remembered it later, I still felt guilty.
Reading your post, everything suddenly made sense and that horrible guilt has finally gone away.
It's strange that you should post what you did on my birthday.. I don't think it's a coincidence. To many things have happened over the last few days... I think this is a special birthday for me.
Thank-you so much for reaching out and saying those things, Emma.
*hugs*
Posted 4 years ago by owlwatcher_974 #
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You're welcome, sweetheart. And Happy Birthday! Please make sure that the tears today come from joy, not sorrow. Your mother gave the world a wonderful gift: you. And you are a talented and gifted writer. Please continue to illuminate this space; I love reading your posts.
Know we love you, dear one, and that you are always in my prayers.
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Owlwatcher, you are one brave girl! It takes enormous courage to share a story as intimate and deep as yours.
But it is a blessing for us to get to know you better, and gain insight into what we may face in the future (if we still have our moms), or know we aren't alone (if we've already had to say goodbye).
One thing is certain....we are never, ever, ever ready to relinquish our parents. It hurts at any age.
Purrs and prayers from the me and the girls....Lisa
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Everyone, I am sorry that I haven't responded to this post before, but it took some time for me to get the courage to write what I have to write. Please forgive me for being unfluffy. I know that each and everyone of you misses your mother and my heart breaks for all of you, but....
My mother is still here and holding strong in spite of the cancer that she has. At this point in my life, I'd rather NOT have her in my life. I am convinced that she wants to destroy my marriage, my self-esteem, basically my own thoughts and dreams and just who I am.
I am the only one of the "kids" still within visiting distance and I won't go visit her. Can anyone that tells you that you are awful, that all of your brothers and sisters are so much better than you, that you should buy presents just because, be the type of person that anyone would want to be around. I don't.
Sorry everyone. Please forgive the unfluffiness.
Posted 4 years ago by BCAMflorida227 #
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Oh Terri, I'm so sorry you don't have a good relationship with your mom.. You are an amazing woman to have overcome this and turned out to be so loving and compasionite...Bless you hon..and you always have us here, whenever you need something...words of encouragment or whatever..We all know what a wonderful person you are..So sad for her that she doesn't see that...Her loss!!!
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Terri,
You are not being unfluffy at all. At least I don't think so. Not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. Just because you are a parent doesn't mean you get all the love and praise and respect. You have to earn it just like other people do. You treat you children with love and respect and you will get it in return, most of the time. It's her loss. You are a wonderul person and just remember that.Posted 4 years ago by cricketsmama #
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Bless you Terri--you do not have to let toxicity into your life, no matter what label it comes with. I have been told that I am not a "real" mom because I did not give birth to my two kids--however my kids have a different opinion. I will never buy into the biological superiority theory and neither should you. Parenting comes from the heart and I truly pity your mother because she does not know that. Be well and strong and whole, my dear, you do not need her input for that.
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The worst thing is that John and I lived with my parents for a while and they were "ok" while we were there, but as soon as we moved.... BAM super *itch!
Posted 4 years ago by BCAMflorida227 #
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Well said Shelley... I don't buy into that "real" mom stuff either. Technically, I have 1 natural child and 2 are step children, but if anyone asks me..I have 3 children..and I love them all, and very proud of each one..doesn't matter how I came about being their mom..
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A mother is not just biological. I don't buy into that as well. If you take care of someone, love someone, are their for them. you are a mom.
My best friends mother is my mom as well, at least i call her mom. Why? She was always there for me if I needed her. I could talk to her, she loves me for me. I am still very close to her and I love her like a mom.
Personally, Shelley, I am appalled that anyone would call you not a real mother. How dare they! My one friend is adopted and her father and her mother are HER father and mother.
Sad to think people are so narrow minded.Posted 4 years ago by cricketsmama #
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Oh BTW cricketmama..I noticed that I didn't put my comment on your Moms story, I meant to..It made me think so much of my mom..so much alike..very strong, she was the ROCK of the family.. So scared alot of people who didn't really know her, but anyone that did..loved her, respected her..most of all me!
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I'll give you all a perfect example of my mom and her attitude towards me. She called John this morning to BRAG that my sister had paid $5000 to have my parents ride around Hawaii in a helicopter. Now why in the world would John or I have even the least interest in this?
Posted 4 years ago by BCAMflorida227 #
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((Terri))
Posted 4 years ago by HuddysMama #
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Terri, hi...please don't ever apologize for harsh reality. You can share anything you need to, I think we all understand. My mom and I don't get along either...she hurts me exquisitely almost every day. At the same time, we're hopelessly enmeshed (pardon the therapist-speak) and she can make me equally as happy. It took me ages to figure out that love and hate don't cancel each other out, they're not opposites, and that they can (and do) exist in the same place.
Mucho hugs to you.
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