Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs

61. 

    I guess sometimes grief isn't always for what we have lost. Sometimes it is for what we should have had but didn't and Mother's day can bring a lot of pain to those who either grew up with out a mother as well as those whose mother is not what one could call a mother at all.

    Terri,
    I don't think you were being unfluffy at all. You have every right to express your feelings and every right to not want your mother in your life if she is going to treat you badly. Nobody deserves the pain of having a mother like that. Sometimes, the best thing is to distance yourself as much as possible from the people who hurt you instead of trying to stay in contact because they are family. Being a part of somebody's family is not a 'right' just because of biological relation. Family is also a privilege and an honor. It sounds like your mom is abusing the privilege and honor of being part of your family. I hope you can distance yourself from her mistreatment and surround yourself with real family - those you choose and who choose you - those who love you and cherish the honor of being called family. Remember, family doesn't always mean biological relatives, but sometimes it's those you choose to adopt as family.

    Posted 4 years ago by owlwatcher_974 #

62. 

    Terri, My sister does that. She's 18 years older than me but we have been close and there are years we didn't speak. She does the same thing!!! I cut her out of my life for years and we just started speaking again last August.
    I am with 2b...caller ID!!! :)
    (hugs to you Terri)
    {{Maddie hugs to Auntie Terri and Uncle John}}

    2b, sounds like your mom and my mom were alike!

    Posted 4 years ago by cricketsmama #

63. 

    Thanks all.

    Posted 4 years ago by BCAMflorida227 #

64. 

    CM, don't be apalled--I just considered the source and it didn't bother me. My kids, who are 41 and 35 will tell anyone who asks that I am their real mom because I have been there for them since they were 6 and 12. I don't need any further validation than that!

    Posted 4 years ago by Shelley #

65. 

    Not all moms are created equal. Some are loving and nurturing, and would die for their children. Many of us had mothers like that, but not all.

    There are some mothers who forget that they are the adults in the drama, and that they are supposed to love their kids and make them feel loved, all of them. Instead, they are the mothers who lay guilt trips, cause jealousies between the siblings, and in general are a miserable lot.

    If your mother belongs to the first camp, wonderful; you are to be congratulated. You were really lucky.

    If your mother belongs to the second camp, wonderful; you are to be congratulated. You learned how to be a mother to yourself, and you taught yourself how to be a good mother to your children.

    There is not a single woman who has posted on this thread who would not die for the ones she loves. No matter what our mothers were like, we are not them. And we don't have to love them or approve of what we do. We have to honor them for having us and we have to learn what wonderful creatures we've become, with or without their help.

    And for all of you who had mothers whose worthiness of the title is rather shaky, I am proud to know you and honored to call you "friend" and "sister." Each of you climbed an Everest of emotion and abuse, and succeeded at becoming the woman you are now and that God intended you to be.

    Terri, you are a gift from heaven, a gentle blessing to all of us, and it is a privilege to know your good and gracious self.

    Shelley, your children and your children's children will call you blessed. You have a shining soul.

    Lisa, your strength in the face of sorrow is amazing, and your courage takes my breath away. No one can defeat you.

    And we will remember that about ourselves, no matter what our mothers were like: no one can defeat us. No one.

    Posted 4 years ago by Emma #

66. 

    That was beautiful, Emma. Thank you so much for your insight and ability to share your thoughts and caring nature with us.

    Posted 4 years ago by paulajeanne #

67. 

    "One of the best parts, for me, of being Lutheran is that liturgical churches don't focus their services on secular occasions like Mothers' Day/Fathers' Day. For several reasons, those days were always difficult for me, and sitting through church services oriented around them made it worse."

    The main reason those days were difficult for me was because both of my parents were mentally ill; my mother was abusive and my father was her enabler. It was only during the last five years of my father's life that my mother got competent psychiatric treatment and both of them got their acts together. My mother had a window of almost 15 years of loving, caring competence before her mind began to deteriorate again near the end of her life. For the balance of my life, I didn't even have to do anything wrong to be beaten, cursed, accused of "instigating" family fights; just my existence was wrong, a resented, unjust burden.

    I've gone into detail on this in the past, typically on the Night Shift, and I don't want to go into it any more here. What I think is a wonder is that someone changed so much. Despite the cruelty of the life she lived before, the life she lives now in the next world is real.

    For me, that next world is the ultimate reality. She's fine now. I'll see her again, and it will be perfect.

    Posted 4 years ago by Leeny #

68. 

    Emma, you have a real gift in your writing...
    Leeny...So glad you had those 15 years..

    Posted 4 years ago by 2bpurring #

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