I have been unemployed for over six months now. I apply for at least 3-4 jobs a day. I am usually in the top 10, but have not been hired. I now work selling organic fruits and vegetables. When I run out of savings I will be living on the street :) This morning, in my deepening cynicism, I responded to this job
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/wri/691424600.html
in this way:
To Whom It May Concern: I read your ad on craigslist.org with interest. I speak in pithy headlines. I can multi-task and put my pants on in the morning. I am also willing to sit "in a room with an art director, pouring over a creative brief and coming up with world-class creative concepts," if I can sit in his/her lap. As a professional lap dancer, presidential candidate, the only authentic pet psychic in the world and wine connoisseur, I promise you I could take a creative nugget, no matter how big and leverage it through various mediums, no matter how solid or porous! As for a hot portfolio, I have lap danced for Donald Trump, been a pet psychic for Al Gore and George Bush (not my favorite) and campaigned for president in both Mexico and the United States. I was endorsed by Arnold Schwarzenegger. I have been cloned (produced all the collateral for that as well, plus a how-to training video for scientists and lab technicians). I have done the freegan thing in New York City before it was cool. Most recently. Jean Paul Gautier and I collaborated on a fundraising catwalk contest to bring awareness to the plight of commercial farmers who will not get billion dollar subsidies from the 2008 Farm Bill. I am an expert on fashion and farming! I blog, and produce equestrian videos. I have started my own business giving absolution to those with bad credit and hedge fund managers (God spoke to me and I created the collateral, prayer card and medal). As you can see from my photos, I am hot and fast! (Here I pasted several photos of Cato in his haute attire) am neutered and litter trained (but I prefer the wide outdoors). I have agency experience. I am a graduate of Phoenix University and the Hass School of Business at UC Berkeley. Hire me and you won't be sorry. Sincerely, Cato
Do I need a psychiatrist?
Elizabeth
