Lisa, I am only finding your note this morning. I'm sure by now you know that when you have cried tears for Bob, we have as well. It's what makes this such a unique little family. Although most of us have never met in person, we gravitate towards kindred spirits. And so we do understand the depth of your grief, and we have all known that same grief. As you of all people know, great grief is the price that we must pay for great love. But would you erase any time or memories to avoid that grief? Surely not, as that would not be living. When I was doing hospice nursing there were so many times, more than I could even tell you or admitted to anyone other than myself, that I would lose one of my patients and torment myself with "What could I have done differently to change the outcome, if even for a few days? What did I do that changed the entire status of my patient?". It was horrible. I had more sleepless nights than I can even remember, and at times became even scared to make my patient visits for fear I wasn't doing enough, or maybe was failing to see something that I should be seeing. Finally I realized that I went out every day on my patient visits with the determination in my heart to do the very best that I could on that day. And to know that, ultimately, the outcome was not in my hands.
We can't see everything, Lisa. And hindsight is a great tormentor. Bob was an outdoor kitty. It's where he loved to be. It was his world and domain. We all wish that, in the end, our beloved kitties could simply just go to sleep at the time they have been called. We wish that for people, too. But so rarely does it happen that way. You must not dwell on "should have, could have" thoughts because they serve now only to destroy your happiness and quality of life. And, because I believe that kitties know our every emotion, certainly Bob would not want the person who gave him a happy and loving home, to grieve to the point of becoming sick. He would want for you to remember all of the years and moments of perfect happiness that he gave to you, and that you gave to him.
Death of those that we love is the hardest thing that we are asked to face, but it is a part of life. I still miss all of my kitties that wait for me. But I do know that they wait, just as all of my family and friends who have gone before wait for me.
Life is short, Lisa. Celebrate Bob's life but you must live and be happy. We are all here for you.
Posted 3 years ago by WillowandWindismom #
