Emma, hugs to your friend Sara. She needs to check the laws of her state. If they lived together for many years, she may qualify as being a common law wife and therefor be entitled to the house and car even though they weren't legally married. For her future, she needs to consult a lawyer and see if she has any rights in this matter. Please let her know that she has been prayed for by many people.
Daily Kitten Chat Forum » General Chat
From Emma
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Posted 3 years ago by KYKAT 12 23 #
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I wish they recognized common law unions in PA, but I understand that they don't any more.
Sara put up with so much from Don, and it breaks my heart thinking about this.
It also gets me upset to think that so many women will put up with men who are unworthy of their company because they can't imagine life without a man.
There are times that I get lonely, and sometimes people don't realize that widowhood is not the pleasantest situation in the world. A widow easily turns into the "invisible woman" in a crowd, and that can really hurt. Getting cut off from people is something I've had to guard against, and I've had to cut the world a lot of slack for overlooking or ignoring me.
For example, two Sundays ago, I went to my Sunday study group and I was the only one there. No one else showed. I said some prayers and went on home.
Yesterday, when the group met, I learned that an e-mail had gone out to everyone in the group (7 people), but I had been left off accidentally. I asked them to make sure I was on the list, smiled cheerfully, trotted off to Mass, and then I cried all the way home.
Being a widow is difficult enough, and that little thing, that unintentional snub, was enough to get to me yesterday. I'm fine now, but it really did sting yesterday.
You pay a price for not being like everyone else, for not traveling life in tandem. But my late husband was a dear and wonderful man. I would rather have the single life than live with someone who would treat me poorly, just for the sake of living with someone.
Widowhood is difficult. An unhappy marriage is hell.
I know this is a long post, and I apologize. Just had to get it off my mind and my heart. With the fifth anniversary of my husband's death approaching, maybe I am just being overly sensitive.
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Emma, that just makes me feel so sad. I am single too but I'd rather be alone and have good friends than be with someone not so good just for the sake of it. It sounds like you and your husband were very lucky to find each other and you must miss him very much. Kia kaha, be strong! Hugs: {{{{{Emma}}}}}
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I admire your courage, Emma. You are not willing to settle for less and still live a full life as a vibrant woman. I was widowed at age 23 (car accident) after just one year of marriage. I was devastated. I can't image losing a husband after many happy years together. I'm glad you had those happy years, my friend! :)
Posted 3 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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You are not being silly. It was a horrible oversight to forget anyone on the list. My grandmothers have been the same. They said they had wonderful husbands that they love dearly and miss tremendously, but they have no desire to ever marry again. My maternal grandmother has been single for over 35 years. She has been in similiar situations. It just bites (most polite word I could think of)and there is no other way around it. I am so sorry you were hurt. I hope you know Emma that you are loved by many. Prayers of strength, peace, and abounding love Emma.
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KW, I am so sorry. Widowhood at any age is not for the faint of heart!
As for courage, Ernest Hemingway had a good definition: Grace under fire. I've seen more demonstrations of that on this site than anywhere else.
To be a widow at 23, having been married only one year -- oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry! To get through that shows incredible courage.
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I was numb for months after my first husband died, but I met my hubby of 31 years in law school and started to heal. We both count ourselves blessed!
Posted 3 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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That is wonderful, KW. Sometimes I think healing begins with the decision to do so, and to leave yourself open to change. You and your husband are blessed indeed!
Thanks for the prayers, SM, and your kind and lovely words. Your grandmothers sound like wise women, and I would have loved to have known them. And "bites" is a good description!
It is difficult enough to lose a husband. Being ignored or diminished as a result is the salt in the wound.
However, I am going to learn to handle it better, forgive more quickly, and get a little bit less sensitive. I wish I knew how to tell the group how I felt; maybe an opportunity will present itself.
And yes, having my darling for 25 years was such a blessing. Nothing can touch or tarnish that. Nothing.
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Emma, just tell your group exactly the way that you have told us. I think that people forget that small things like accidentally being left off of the list are very painful when you have lost someone so dear, and maybe are clinging for dear life to that group. We all do things unintentionally and often times have no idea the impact that our shortsightedness will make.
The first anniversary is a difficult date. I hope that you can plan something to remember your sweet husband but also to celebrate his life and your love. You should not sit alone at home on that date.
Don't make me put on my nursing cap and come out there..... {{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
Posted 3 years ago by WillowandWindismom #
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Aww Emma((EMMA))
You are such a wonderful woman and was blessed to have a wonderful man in your life as long as you did. My mother had a horrible first marriage, it lasted about 20 years then he died. She met my father and only had him for 7 years till he passed but she was happy with him. She never forgot him. Never married again. She dated and they were all horrible men who used her. When she passed last year, she was mad that she had to be buried next to her first husband. That's where her plot was. My father is buried in Texas.
I too would rather be alone then in a marriage or relationship that is horrible. Life is way to short to do that. I am lucky, I never settled and I have a wonderful man.
We love you Emma and I don't think people know what to say or do when someone is a widow or widower and people fall into the cracks. Tell them Emma, let them know you are part of the group too and you need their support.
I am only in Ohio Emma, I can drive into PA and come give you a big hug if needed :)Posted 3 years ago by cricketsmama #
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Emma, when John and I get to visit with Lynn and Kay (not sure when that's going to be tho lol) we're making a special point of seeing you! You are so important to me and to all of us here at TDK. I love you, Auntie Emma!
Posted 3 years ago by BCAMflorida227 #
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I would love to meet you, CW. Your posts are always a joy to read. And yes, Bob would be most welcome, almost as much as you.
Wish we could have a meet-up in western PA as well as eastern PA. I would love to meet everyone in Philadelphia but my truck would not make it that far.
When I win the lottery, however....!
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I called Sara a week after Don passed away, and she said that although two of his three kids wouldn't speak to her, the youngest son and Don's mother are maintaining a friendship and being very kind to Sara.
I just heard from a friend of mine who gave me an update on Sara: yesterday she was served with an eviction notice -- at work. She has to be out of the house that she and Don shared for 15 years, and no later than October 30, 2008.
Another friend, who was with Sara when this happened, offered her a room in her house.
I feel so sick right now. I can't believe Don's kids did this to her. And Sara has no legal recourse whatsoever. None.
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I'm so sorry for Sara. {{Emma}}
Common law marriages just simply don't exist in many states, and many many people learn the hard way - when the partner dies. It happened to dear friends of my parents. She bugged him to do a will, and he agreed that when they returned from the trip they were on the will would be created. He was hit and killed instantly on the side of the road before they returned. She has nothing... could not even claim his body. Wills are very important for that reason, and not being in the legal profession I cannot even say that those would hold up over family - I just don't know. And, for that reason, should I EVER decide to have a man in my life, full time, there will be a marriage ceremony - to protect the both of us.
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How could anyone be so heartless? I am so sorry for Sara. How awful. I will keep her in my prayers.
Posted 3 years ago by cricketsmama #
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Wow, that is really heartless. What comes around goes around and I firmly believe that those children of Don's will just be unhappy people due to the unhappiness they are causing Sara. Send her some hugs.
Posted 3 years ago by SylMiaFelixsMomma #
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Oh Emma, I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened to Sara. <awful, unfluffy thoughts about anyone who could do such a thing>. I'll confess, the fear of this sort of thing is why I gently nagged Mr. K into making our arrangement official.
Also, I missed part of this thread earlier when you were talking about being left out of a group you were part of; I'm so, so sorry that happened. You are such a lovely, caring person, I hate that anyone would make you cry, even unintentionally.
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Emma, I just found this thread, too. My church used to have small groups that met in people's houses. Before I met Mr. Leeny, I was one of two single people in my group, and the other one could only attend occasionally because of his work schedule. From time to time the members would discuss inviting others to the group and would suggest certain COUPLES that they could invite. I used to speak right up and remind them that not everyone in the church was part of a COUPLE (as I get older, I'm more willing to shoot my mouth off). It was like that just didn't occur to them, but it occurred whenever I was present. I don't think that there's any excuse for your having been left off your group's list other than just plain thoughtlessness and I think they owe you an apology.
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Emma, I'm so sorry about what's happening to Sara. While skimming this thread, I realized 2 things: 1)I would love to meet you and 2)I know what God's purpose for you is. Just re-read this thread (and a few others, for that matter); you'll see it. (Ok, I won't presume to know what God is thinking, but I do believe He gives out a few hints (wink!).)
Posted 3 years ago by JoanfromNewJersey #
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Joan, I couldn't agree more! God's got big plans for you Emma with much to do but you are purfect for the job. And yes, I would LOVE to meet you too!! :)
Posted 3 years ago by debsterwiz #
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