A couple of clarifications, then my thoughts.
2b, I wouldn't try to get his sister involved in this. She spent her whole life having to take care of him, give in to him, etc., and she now has a husband who isn't in good health himself.
Lisa, one of Mr. Leeny's problems is that he has no friends. He lives on the sofa in the living room and devotes most of his life to the television. Most of what he watches are melodramas that I'm sure distort his view of real life and probably do feed his fears.
Now, I've started to do what Ann said, in regard to another of Mr. Leeny's health problems. His teeth are crumbling. This is happening because he has extensive decay throughout his mouth brought on by constant snacking (I've seen him fall asleep with food in his mouth) and not brushing his teeth. The decay is so widespread that the dentist says it isn't even worth trying to fix it. So, pieces of his teeth are chipping off. He called the dentist yesterday; the doctor said that there's nothing he can do until it's progressed to the point at which the teeth have to be pulled and replaced with an adjustable partial plate. That point, in the dentist's opinion, will be when the teeth begin to hurt. Mr. Leeny wants it done sooner. I've already told him that it will be up to him to take out a medical loan to have this work done, and that I will only contribute what I am able to give toward the payments. Last night Mr. Leeny was telling me that he wanted me to call the dentist, give my consent to having the teeth pulled, find out how to take out the medloan, etc. I told him that (1) he didn't need my consent, and (2) to talk to the dentist and his staff about the loan. I'm not getting involved in this. He caused it; he can handle it.
About the letter I'd like him to sign: I know it isn't anything legally binding. Part of it is that I would like to have some kind of protection in case he does neglect his health to the point that he dies, and somebody comes after me asking why I didn't see to it that this disabled person got the medical help he needed. Most of it, though, is that I just want him to start being honest with himself and everyone else. So he doesn't want the stress test. So be it; he has the right to refuse treatment. There are consequences of that refusal, and they are his responsibility. I just want him to quit playing this "now I will, now I won't" game; that's what really tears me up. I think it's going to be all right, then suddenly it isn't, and there's nothing I can do about it.
