You must take of yourself first or you CAN NOT help anyone. I AM A NURSE IN LONGYERM CARE so listen. I have seen family members totally work themself to exshaustion[sp] before admitting their love one to a facilitly, and the guilt was awful that they could not do it anymore. so take breaks be good to yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daily Kitten Chat Forum » Purrs
It's been a bad day...
(47 posts)-
Posted 4 years ago by kathyanne11/13 #
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I'm afraid there isn't Kitten Whisperer - I'm an only child, both Mum and Dad are/were only children - my extended family totals a number of far flung cousins, umpteen times removed that we're not really that close to. We do provisionally have the respite care booked in a local residential home for the time in November, but if that coincides with or is too close to any rescheduled surgery - it's all up in the air at the moment, and I really hate not knowing what's happening (must be the control freak in me).
You're right about the difficulties of caring, both in mental and physical terms. I've recently cut down my hours at work to 4 days a week to give me more time to try and achieve a better work/life/Mum balance, but it's still so very hard, and I'm permanently knackered, hence all the migraines. We have been skirting around the issue of permanent care - in a residential home - for Mum for a while now, and I think it's a serious conversation we need to have with her when this surgery is out of the way.
Posted 4 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #
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Oh MCW, I wish I could be there to help, but for now I can send love and hugs and Tiger send headbonks (gentle ones of course), purrs and sandpaper kisses.
Posted 4 years ago by Bogman, Clark and Andy's mama 2/27 Florida #
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Thanks Kathy Anne - I know you're right. It's been a fairly fraught couple of years with Mum, and particularly so since last Christmas. I almost cracked earlier this year when Mum first came out of hospital after her long stay - they discharged her without any social services care package in place, having screwed up her psychiatric medication whilst she was in (this is the subject of a complaint currently being investigated by the hospital in question), so it wsn't just coping with her physical weakness, it was dealing with the worst breakdown she's had in years (aside from anything else she's bi-polar).
I had some time off work, but as this coincided with her needing a lot of support at home, wasn't really the rest I needed. I'm currently on antidepressants, tranquillisers for when I get too het up, and anti-indigestion medication as I'm getting stress related acid indigestion & reflux. Oh, and the migraines.
We now get help - social services call 3 times a day to sort out Mum's meals, and Mum has a cleaner once a week - but I do everything else such as laundry, shopping, ordering her repeat prescriptions, doing her weekly tablet dispenser, finances, bathing, accompanying her to medical appointments etc etc- plus calling in every day after work to see how she is. My husband is great, but at the end of the day, she's my Mum, and my responsibility. She's implied she wants me to make the decision as to when she needs to go into a home, but that's a biggie to take on board, as it's such a big step. I wish my Dad was still alive so I could ask him what to do. Oh sod it, I'm crying now.
Posted 4 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #
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Having your mum in a residential care facility is not abandoning her. You are a strong, intelligent woman and I admire your loving concern for her well-being. Even if this is not the time to place her in a facility, it may be a good time to begin to look for one. Some places that provide elder care are horrible, but many are not. If you spend some time now looking for a good one that is close to you, it will ease your mind. You'll still be able to see her and make sure that she is getting the attention she needs when she goes into the home.
Please e-mail me if you want to talk offline. My e-mail is cdcarlson at excite dot com.
Posted 4 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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When you are ready to tackle this, here is a website that gives tips for careproviders on taking care of themselves while taking care of a loved one. http://www.aoa.gov/prof/aoaprog/caregiver/carefam/carefam.asp
You are not alone, although it may feel like it. We are all right beside you, walking with you.
Posted 4 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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I have emailed you Kitten Whisperer, and thanks again.
We have sort of started the search for a good home, as even when one is found, it's a case of getting on the waiting list, so even if the decision was made NOW, it could easily be a year before a suitable place was found. This homework just got interupted by recent events, so I'm hoping to be able to pick it up again soon. And broach the subject properly with Mum.
Thank you all once again for your kind, wise words and good wishes. I'm heading off to bed in a mo, early night needed. I'll update again tomorrow. xx
Posted 4 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #
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I replied to your e-mail. Sleep well, my friend.
Posted 4 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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Evening all, Huddy's Mom, actually men do get migraines, its just normally 'cluster migraines'. Plus most men don't get diagnosed because they don't want to admit that they get something normally attributed to women.
Madcatwoman, when you see your doctor ask about taking a daily preventive med along with the Zomig. Stress/tension can also trigger migraines in a heartbeat.
I have been diagnosed with having cluster migraines which are unusual for women to get because they do come in groups for indefinate timeframes (sometimes days, weeks, and/or months and then may go for extended periods w/o getting them). Have had them since age 16, and have been on most every type of medication/therapy to relieve them. My emergency meds are Imitrex nasal spray right now, goes directly into the bloodstream and has normally immediate effect and I take a preventive med daily. Unconventional methods for me are using Icy Hot or something like that on the temples and back neck muscles to draw the pain to that area and then using touch therapy by massaging the web between my thumb & fore finger; it does help if I can catch the headache at the beginning or onset, does not help if I wake up w/full-blown migraine auras and sickness to boot. I have spent many nights sleeping in the cold bathtub because the coolness of the tub helps with the pain. Also have to drink a lot of water because de-hydration can bring migraines on also, along with whatever trigger (mine are smells, perfumes, etc., cigarette smoke, fluorscent lights..especially flickering ones). The Advil for migraines do work well, usually better than the Excedrin ones. If in a migraine, sometimes drinking Gatorade works too because of the electrolydes (?) in it, tastes terrible to me but gotta do it at times.
Sorry this was so long, I research everything I can find on migraines with having them for so long and being so tired of the meds that they can take. I do hope that anyone that has them or has a family member/friend that has them understands they are not 'just a headache, so why can't you get rid of it or work thru it'.
Posted 4 years ago by AZDEB 5/27 Max,Haje,Ms. B & Lil Girl #
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Evening all - just a quickie tonight. The visit to the doctor's went quite well, and the theory is that Mum has a bug, which is being made worse by anxiety. All we can do is sit and wait and see what happens over the next couple of days.
As for me, I'm mightly glad it's Friday - today's migrine didn'tr try to hit until late afternoon, which is an improvement on the last few days, and the tablets saw it off again. It's a good idea to look at a regular preventitive mecication, and I shall raise this when I see my doctor in a couplf of weeks.
Thanks TDKers, for all the advice and support xx
Posted 4 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #
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That is wonderful news, Madcatwoman! I hope your weekend is restful. Tell your mum "hello" from TDK!
Posted 4 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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MCW
Healing and positive energy going your way - to both you and your Mum.
Glad she only has a bug, but that can be bad enough.
I don't know if you mentioned how old she is.
Purrs and headbonks.
bobbiPosted 4 years ago by artistabobbi TX 1/17 #
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Hi all, just another quickie update, then I'd better start another thread for any future developments, this bad day has lasted nearly a week!
Mum (who is a very elderly 73 Bobbi)has continued to improve over the weekend, and so, with EVERYTHING crossed, I am reasonably confident she'll be able to go into hospital for her surgery on Thursday. The doctor did suggest a sample be sent off for testing just a precaution though, so you really don't want to go rooting through my fridge at the moment, even though it's in a plastic bottle, and wrapped in about twenty nappy sacks...ew!!!! Has to be kept refrigerated though, 'cos I can't get it to the doc's until tomorrow morning.
After a bit of a dodgy start yesterday morning, and a wobble mid afternoon today, I have managed to stay pretty headache free, and have only had to take one migraine tablet this weekend. I even managed to make church for the first time in about 3 months this morning, and everyone (including our new lady vicar) was so pleased to see me, it was very heartwarming.
And tonight, I'm off to the pub with husband and some good friends for a music quiz we like to go to when we can. Usually it's a great trip down memory lane, especially for someone like me who dotes on the 80's, so that'll be a great way to round off the weekend.
So, all in all, not so bad. Positive vibes for Thursday would be much appreciated, and I'll update on a new thread once Mum is safely installed on her ward.
Posted 4 years ago by MadcatwomanintheUK #
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MCW, I hope my little jokes help raise your spirits. And I'm so glad your migraines have abated, at least for the time being. I can commiserate with you and the migraines. I used to have them quite frequently, but found that it was high blood pressure. Once I went on meds, they disappeared. (I always said that they disappeared after I got my divorce!)
Good thoughts and many prayers for your Mom. You're lucky to still have her-both my parents are gone now. Keep her as long as you can!
Posted 4 years ago by MaxandCali'sMom #
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All positive vibes, purrs and gentle headbonks coming your way for your mum's surgery Thursday. I'm glad you were able to go to church today and will be going to the pub tonight. This sounds like excellent self care!
Posted 4 years ago by Kitten Whisperer #
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A few years ago, I learned there are people who elder-sit --- like babysitting, but with the elderly. They can be hired by the hour, the day or for a weekend. Check with your local Senior Center or Hospital Auxiliary for information and be sure to check all references.
As for migraines, all well-meaning friends offer what they feel is the best cure. But of course, migraines are caused by so many different things --- the best way to get rid of them, of course, is to learn the cause. The only way to do this is to keep a journal of the weather conditions (barometric pressure drop, was it raining, snowing?), surroundings (were you in a dusty attic or barn with hay?), activities (were you gardening in the hot sun, or cleaning with amonia?), all stress-related things that occured (did you have a fight, or miss a client deadline, or have to give a speech?) --- as well as all foods & beverages partaken just prior to the headache (preservatives, aged cheese, wine sulfites, alcohol, MSG?). You'll begin to see a pattern and soon be on the road to prevention.
Posted 4 years ago by Jo in Blairsville #
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